Denying Self

I've been such a slacker at blogging lately. To be honest, I've been in a funk the past several months. Ever since I moved back from Hawaii a year and a half ago, I just couldn't adjust well at home. However, the Lord came through for me a few weeks ago. I finally hit a point where I said, "Ok God, I can't do this anymore. I can't live my life like this. I'm miserable. Please help me. Please." I felt pretty distant from God during my "funk". I felt like I couldn't really rely on Him because it seemed nothing was changing. The reason why nothing was changing is because I was fighting Him against the change. Its funny as humans, we are like savages to go after what we want. Its sad that people end up doing unethical, immoral things. Like today on the news, I heard how 3 teenagers in Oklahoma, killed a young college kid running along the road because they were bored. WHAT IN THE WORLD!? These boys got to a point that they would kill someone just to fulfill their boredom. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Now, that is extreme. However, when we get to that point where we can't take it, instead of turning to the Lord for our need, we end up making things worse. When we come to a point where we "wave the white flag" of surrender, its not "giving up" how the world would perceive it. It is actually doing something. The motto is, "Don't just stand there, do something!" but the Lord says, "Don't just do something, stand there!" Now we must be wise on how we use those statements. I would expect if we saw a person in dire need, we would help them. However in our circumstances, like maybe someone is struggling being single, or financial issues, I wouldn't suggest just grabbing some random person off the street marrying them, or robbing a bank. However, what we do is remain faithful. Like with the single person issue, we wait on upon the Lord for that person we know we could live with or if its the financial issue, its spending less, getting a job, still remaining faithful to the Lord. However, first point of action is, surrender. Saying, "Lord, I can't do this on my own! I NEED YOU!" That is the very first initiation into "standing there". When we say those words, or words along those lines, we are "standing there". However, we have made an action..we surrendered. I really believe that is what Jesus meant when he said in Mark 8: 34-37,
       "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish, sinful ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world and lose your soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?"

If we really call ourselves Christians, lets walk the talk. Now, we are all imperfect and I'm not saying expending yourself to be perfect (like I was doing and got exhausted..yeah, i know its impossible but that's my point) but realizing that we can't do this life on our own. Its impossible. That is why we must "deny ourselves" deny our ability that we think we can do things on our own, and give it to the Lord. Matthew Henry says it perfectly in his quote,
"If you want to have life-real life, abundant life, eternal life the way it was meant to be lived-deny yourself as you take up your cross and follow Jesus. and when the Cross brings you, as it did our Savior, to your face, you will see standing next to you, standing available to you, standing ready to help you Jesus Himself."
Sounds like a relief to me. Pressures off, if you let it.

Hope in the Dry Times

We have those moments in life where the times seem so extensively hard to understand. We go through these times where its like, "What in the world is going on?" or "What is my problem? Why am I acting this way?" or "Why is this happening to me!?" We all go through these times where it seems we just can't comprehend everything that is going around us. As I have been in a season of this, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't know why I am so "bleh", why I'm so tired all the time, and why I just don't feel like myself. Sure, everyone around me may think, "Jess, what are you saying? You seem your giddy, funny, perky, out-going self." Yeah, but I feel like I'm forcing it out. I feel like to be my normal self, its an effort now. Like I"m putting on this front. I don't believe God expects us, as a follower of Him, to walk around with a mask on, but neither does he expect us to walk around with our heads down and a droopy face. There is a major part of being real, but there is a major victory of HOPE. Yes, HOPE! The only thing that can get us through any hard time in our life. If you are going through a similar thing like me right now, not sure where you are going, what to expect, or what the heck is going on...its ok. Satan, ourselves, and society always expects us to have this "plan". Well, our plans suck if its not planned by God. The Lord says, "A man plans his course, but its the LORD who directs his steps." I do believe God does give us dreams and desires for us to have. For example, I so deeply desire to be a wife and a mom one day. Am I that right now at 25? No. Do I have days that I"m freaking out that I"m 25 and I'm not even dating anyone?! Absolutely. However, that is just all image-nonsense. However, in the meantime, He STILL plans for me. Yeah, I understand, its hard getting out of "the funk". Believe me, I'm going through it right now. However, deep down, amongst what lies may tell me, what I may feel, and how I compare myself to others, and a crazy hectic work schedule that sometimes I may feel consumed by, I have this amazing sense of joy that can only come from the Lord. That joy is my hope to get me through this time in my life. I don't have all the answers, and I certainly am NOT perfect. I'm trying to figure out the balance of life and how the Lord so desperately wants us to live life. But that is why I can not give up on hope. Hope that only comes from Jesus. He is the reason we have hope at all. We can't let life pass us by while we sink in this hole of, "Welp, nothing is going to change..this is it for me." or "I"m a loser..straight-up loser". No! If we believe that, then we don't believe in the power of Christ and what Hope he has brought us through His death and resurrection. Now, I'm not trying to get on my soapbox, this definitely goes for me, too. But we need to encourage each other to live in this hope because it is SO easily lost when trials come. So folks, lets persevere through these hard times. All truth is God' truth and in order to seek that truth, we must KNOW His Word. This will help us shred the lies that easily entangle us. Hang in there, guys. Hope is here! And it comes in the form of a Person...Jesus!

so far my journey in Exodus....

So I have been reading through Exodus the past 2 weeks or so now and I'm at chapter 16. It was one Sunday leading worship at our youth group that I felt the Lord wanted me to read in Exodus. Had no idea why, but it kept coming to me. The Lord has been just loading me with so much He wanted to tell me! I never got so much insight before. Its like I stepped up to another level of hearing the Lord. So I would like to share a few things with you what I have been learning. It amazes me how the Lord is sovereign. In the beginning of Exodus, it talks about Moses and a bit of his background. Moses was Hebrew/Israelite. Back when he was born, the Hebrews were slaves to the Egyptians. Now, Pharaoh wanted all the first born Hebrew baby boys killed because he didn't like how many Hebrews there were. Sounds like the Holocaust to me. I mean there's a "back in the day" Hitler. Anyways, Moses mother, being the brave and trusting in the Lord woman she is, made a basket and sent Moses down the Nile river so that he may live. NOW!! This amazes me..the SOVEREIGNTY of the Lord...how in the heck did that basket not tip over or some crazy fish or animal get into it?? Or how did it not get stuck on some rock and Moses just die to death because of no food?? THE LORD!!! The Lord is in control! He has a plan!! He guided that basket right down the river into the arms of Pharaoh's daughter! NOW HOLD UP!! What?! Pharaoh's daughter? Uhh..Hello!! Her dad basically wants this kid dead! God, what are you thinking?! Again, God's sovereignty. He softens Pharaoh's daughter's heart to care for Moses. This leads to him growing up around the Egyptians to then free the Israelites! God heard the wailing of the Israelites in slavery for many years...However, He had the perfect timing, the perfect person, and the perfect way to show His power, love and majesty! Now, the Lord calls Moses when he is a bit grown-up now to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. We know a bit about the story of the burning bush (if not, DON't Fret! Just read Exodus 3 or just start reading exodus.) Moses felt he was inadequate to do a job like that because of his speech impediment and how he gets tongue-tied. I know how that is. The Lord sometimes calls me to speak in a confrontation and its scary but He gives me the words. The Lord chose Moses and Aaron to approach Pharaoh to "LET MY PEOPLE GO!" and Pharaoh, who has no fear in the Lord and has a hardened heart towards the Lord, refuses. But Moses and Aaron do not give up despite all the times they came to confront Pharaoh because they had faith the Lord had their back. They were just called to be a vessel and be obedient. The Lord took care of the rest. I can talk about so much on here and I"ll just to be more consistent with my posts, however, the Lord is always in control. So many times he is showing me that the reason things happen the way they do is, despite the fact that we do have free will and bad things happen because we live in a fallen world, He is in control. We freak out so easily when one thing seems sketchy! Like the Israelites when they escape out of Egypt and they see the Egyptians coming up behind them, they freak out. And before then when the plagues happened because Pharaoh would not release the Israelites, God protected them from all the plagues He sent to show Pharaoh that He is Lord. The Lord parted the Red Sea for them! He provided them good water when they reached Marah because the water was first bitter but then they complained, "AHH! we're going to die! We should've never left Egypt!" Ye of little faith! We believe this lie that "only good things happen once". NOT TRUE! Or.."oh its a coincidence!" NO! There is no such thing! The Lord provides, protects, leads, the ones He loves! He loves all of us, but its our choice to be obedient and listen! Just because things may seem out of whack or uncertain, if we commit our ways to the Lord, we will succeed (Proverbs 16:3)! Maybe not in our way, or our timing, but we will overcome whatever the obstacle is! When God calls us to do something, it is going to be something we cannot do. BUT! He can do it through us! God does tasks that only God can do. However, He wants us to join him in it so he uses us to accomplish His will! So when the Lord calls you to do something, don't focus on how big the task is, but how big God is and how he is going to accomplish it through you by you being obedient!