Don't just read, DO!!

Hey guys! First off, thanks so much for reading my blogs! I hope this really encourages you guys, and the Lord speaks to you through them, and that its put to good use and bring glory to Jesus. This week has been super tiring. Do you ever have those weeks where you just wanna sleep? That's like all you wanna do? I'm sure you have. Linds and I have been getting up like so early like 4:30-5am early. I mean, I know that might be normal for some people, but if you have a normal 8am job, I would be up by like the earliest 6:30am. Anyways, I dunno, guys..I'm just starting to really just get over this job. Besides, this job just is not challenging (like mentally and physically) and that it can be boring, I'm struggling the fact that I can't reach these kids to Jesus. I mean, I'm really starting to question why we do what we do. I mean yeah, I understand I can't say in a microphone "JESUS LOVES YOU!" nor can I even say His name, but if I feel led to say to a student while tearing down, "Jesus loves you" or if the conversation is going that way and the Lord puts it on my heart, I"m sorry but I AM NOT going to deny Christ! I'd rather get fired, then pass an opportunity of a student knowing the Lord! I guess, I"m just kind of struggling with all this. I know in a school you can't force "religion" or whatever, but if we just get in a convo, or whatever, I'm going to be obedient. I will not deny Christ. Yea, the school trusts us to come and not say anything..yeah publicly,I understand that, and I will abide by that, however, if I'm off the stage, like tearing down, and I feel led to, I will. I love Jesus so much! I am on this earth to know Him and make Him known. This is what I thought my job was about, but I haven't been being obedient to that. Jesus says, "if you deny me, I will deny you before my Father!" The thing is guys, we just don't read Scripture, we just don't "study" Scripture, we DO scripture!! Francis Chan put it this way, when we are asked to something whether at work, home, or whatever, we don't go back to that person and say, "Hey, I memorized what you said. I even did a bible study on what it would look like if I did what you said." but we don't do it. I"m pretty sure we would get fired from that job, or be in trouble. However, Jesus asks us to do things yet we just memorize it or do a study on it! We NEED TO DO IT! I'm sick of just being so scared and not doing things because of what other people will think or do! If God is for me, who can be against me? What can man do to me if I have Jesus?! We need to live out our faith, not just read about it and study it. Those are important, but living it is SO much more! We need to apply it! That's where I'm at guys. Just frustrated...but seeking the Lord and getting courage! I will live to make Him known! I may fail at times, but I have Him to keep moving me forth! LOVE JESUS!!

from the "bleh" to the "OH YEAH!"

So guys, as you know, I was struggling for awhile with just the job, decisions, and you know...just typical life struggles. Well, as faithful as our Lord Jesus is, because He is SUPER awesome, He just blessed me this week, so undeservingly. Let me break it down...so Friday night, Linds and I went to Fresno,CA to sleep over at my friend's house, Becca. It was SOO good because she was someone I went to school with at Bethel, and it was nice to see someone from home. So that was good to chill with her! She even made me waffles! My Fav! In case you didn't know, I love WAFFLES!! yum yum! Especially with yogurt on top! If you haven't tried it, TRY IT BEFORE YOU DIE!! So, good..I know its in heaven! Anyways, so this week was kinda tough starting out. Sunday I just took a Sabbath day just me and Jesus. Grocery shopping and laying out. Then me and another tech, Tiff, went on a walk and it was solid because God used her to speak alot of truth. I do complain about being home alot but Tiff was like, "Jessie, you are here now, so how will you take advantage of that time!?" and after some intense talk...I was convicted. God wants me here, for now, and I need to serve Him and make the most of it. I mean my favorite verse is Ephesians 5:16 "Make the most of every opportunity!" So today, Linds and I were at a school and I was just feeling that urge to tell kids, "HEY JESUS LOVES YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!! AHHH!" So anyways, after my conclusion, I said, "Hey if you guys wanna chat, feel free to come down! I'd love to talk to you!" So 2 girls came down and said, "So when was this about bullying?" I didn't really understand the question but I told them a few more since this one has been on it. They seemed like they wanted to open something up to me but I didn't pressure them. The convo got quiet but I got so excited they came to talk I probably sounded like an idiot! So I asked them what High school they were gunna go to and what they see themselves doing. One girl didn't know, but the other wanted to be a performing arts major and do dance! It was so and they were so excited to tell me about it! I was so over-joyed I got to talk to some students! I miss it!! So God just totally made my day sending those 2 girls to talk to me. Then tearing down the equipment we had 3 boys help us, Carlos, Jose, and Alejandro! Awesome guys! We chatted a bit while tearing down but after they asked if I'd shoot some hoops with them..so I did, while Linds go the car. And as we loaded up, I just nonchalantly said, "Hey guys thanks so much! Jesus loves you!" They didn't say anything but just were so happy a shot some hoops with them! Dude, this is what its about, man!! I don't care! I wanna tell people bout Jesus! Not force them on it, but if the opportunity is there, and God tugging on my heart..I'm gunna do it!! I'd rather lead someone to Christ then be too scared to think what people will think or get in trouble! Its worth it! I was so happy to meet those students and it just warmed my heart today to have that opportunity! Carlos, kept calling me teacher, and I told him, "dude, call me Jessie" and he said, "well you taught us about this stuff!" and I said, "yeah thats true.."But I was thinking, dude, you got an awesome Teacher you could meet..His name is Jesus and He will rock your world when you meet Him!! OH YEAH!! Boo-ya!

Direction??

So Linds and I are in Oakland,CA heading to Santa Rosa, and San Fran this week. Its pretty so far! We are across the street from the ocean. Soo pretty! :) So here's the thing guys, I have no idea sometimes what the will of God is for my life. Yeah, I know, 95% of God's will is in the Bible, true dat, but as far as what He wants me to do with my life..I have no idea. Sunday, I got a call from a Starbucks in Kauai that really is interested in hiring me, and my friend is working with a church there that they would love to have me work w/ them. What the heck? I mean, Hawaii has always been my dream to live out there and do ministry, but this to come so soon? I'm kinda scared, kinda overwelmed, and its a big step. Yeah, I know its Hawaii. Yeah, why not go after my dreams, but I mean the only thing is holding me back I think is fear. What happens if I can't make it out there? What happens if I get heart-broken? What happens if I lose my friends back home? I always wanted to do ministry in Hawaii and this is my chance! The thing is guys, I'm not saying to jump in and not think wisely about things, but why do we let fear stop us so much? Everyday, I go into these schools and I tell these kids that fear stops us from pursuing our dreams. The thing is, fear stops us from doing the will of God! Ugh, I desire so bad to just say "JESUS FREAKING LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE TOOK A HORRENDOUS PENALTY FOR YOU!!! THAT'S LOVE! YOU ARE LOVED SO FREAKING MUCH!!" but I can't! I want these kids to know where that hope comes from. Its not based off ourselves, but Jesus! I have no idea what I'm going to do after Camfel. I mean, come on, my plan was really just to come home again, just like I planned after graduating college. Did that happen? No! When I was younger,back in my girly "I love Leo DiCaprio, Josh Hartnett" days, (yeah, I was one of those...Don't Judge!) I always wanted to go to LA, to meet them! Umm..yeah I'm here now, and I honestly have no desire to meet them...well, maybe to tell them about Jesus, not to have them fall in love with me. LOL. At first I wanted to go to Hawaii, because it would be cool, but I'm just testing my heart and seeing if my heart is really in Hawaii. I always had loved it out there and saw myself there...just its scary kinda....i don't know why..i guess those questions I mentioned above. Please pray for me! I want to do the Lord's will! I only want to go if He wants me to go! I just want to Know Him and MAKE HIM KNOWN!!!

I LOVE JESUS!

So, as you know, I was having a really rough week being back at Camfel, doing shows. Yes, I"m frustrated, yes I'm tired. The thing is though, Jesus comforts and loves through all that. Yesterday was really hard for me. I broke down crying because I felt so discouraged and just really wanting to go home. I just wanna move on to something else but then on our ride home, Jesus said, "Jessie, I love you so much and I am with you! I know this seems pointless and that it feels like you aren't doing anything but you are. This whole experience is to grow and mature you so you can impact others. You are being my servant and I am proud of you two. Remember, I love you SO much and I am with you" He had me tell Lindsey that He loves her and that He is with her too! I told her. I love when Jesus speaks to me like that and I know it wasn't me because I wouldn't be able to think that fast. It just came at me. I love Jesus so much, you guys! I cannot explain how amazing our Savior is! I want to desperately to tell people of His amazing love! I want to tell everyone! Over break, I kept thinking about boys and about marriage and when all that is going to happen and honestly, God has me so wrapped up in seeking Him and leaning on Him, I haven't been thinking about it. I have been reading in Philippians and I was reading how the Lord is my strength and how Paul is SO encouraged by the Philippians. His relationship with them is always encouragement back and forth. Its so cool how Jesus works. He knows exactly what we need, when we need it! He can not only sympathize with us but completely know where we come from. He knows I feel alone, frustrated, sad. He can totally relate. I just want to grow more and more in love with Jesus. He is so wonderful because He is a friend, a counselor, a shoulder to cry on, a peace, a love, a God who saves, a teacher, everything we need! He is that person we know 100% we can count on! I love Him so much! So much, and I feel so unworthy to be in this relationship with Him, but yet He died so I could be in a complete relationship with Him, that's how much He wants me, and He wants you! He loves us that much that He went through the worst to be with us...wow

Hope, strength...HELP!

So, I started a new semester with Camfel. I'm officially stationed in California. So far, Linds and I have been doing local shows in LA and maybe a lil north, lil south. I dunno guys, being at home for christmas break was SO good! I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss home. I"m having a bit of a hard time being out here. I guess getting homesick. I sometimes just freak out thinking I might be out here til May or June and it makes me want to go home. I love Cali, don't get me wrong, but I guess I'm ready to do something new. However, God has me here. I'm to finish Camfel whenever it is done for the year/semester. I gotta have the endurance to finish but I guess today I'm feeling like, "How am I gunna do this?!?" We have 3 set-ups today and tomorrow. The thing is though, I don't need to know how to do this because He is doing it for me. So far, Linds and I have been getting everything up in like 30 minutes! That's like amazing! I know Linds is feeling a similar way, too but thank God we have each other! I was chatting with Jesus the other day, and He said, "Jess, I'm building you up, I'm teaching you and maturing you in endurance. You can keep going. Often you think alot of how things are going to work out, or how my visions will work out because nothing is happening with them, so you think. I have a plan and when you are obedient, you are trusting me. Just cling, know that I have a way that you may not understand right now, but you will soon. You will see how everything fits." I gotta hold on to that. Jesus is so good, ya know? I mean, why is that when we think we can't go on, we really can. Today at a school we were at this morning, we were told a middle school student committed suicide about a month ago. Thats just so sad. I don't know if he/she was bullied or what but its just sad to know someone couldn't find hope in the Lord. It really frustrates me I can not go into these schools and tell kids about Jesus. I'm giving them an idea of hope maybe, which is good, but they need to know where it comes! stupid law!! God is so real and it sucks people don't believe that! They don't know an AMAZING God that I know. People need to know that there is hope in every situation, even when it seems impossible because God makes ALL things possible! He is our rock! I really want people to know Jesus, because I have found an amazing love that nothing or no one can fulfill, so why wouldn't I want to share it. I hate that my mouth is shut sometimes about it because of what people think. I just feel a bit weak this semester, discouraged, and worn out. I do just want to go home, but God has me here! I have to remain faithful to that til its time to do the next thing! I often just want to go to Hawaii and start my "real life" there, but the thing is, I started "real life" since the day I was born, and especially experiencing the "real world" now that I graduated from college. Its up to you how you are going to choose to see things in your life. We can't let things get us down, nothing will get accomplished then. We put our hope in the Lord everyday for the tasks he has. We can do ALL things through Christ WHO strengthens us. This all goes for me too so don't think I'm just preaching to you! Live in the hope, guys! Love on Jesus!