1 Peter 3:3

Sorry guys I haven't blogged in awhile, its been break and I've been out of routine. Speaking of being out of routine, this break has been good but also challenging. As in my last posts, I was telling you all about my dates with Jesus. Well, since I have been out of routine, I feel like lately I haven't been spending much time with Jesus. Its because I"m out of routine, but that is NOT an excuse. I need to learn to find God even when I"m out of routine, and that made me realize how much I am so driven by a routine! Coming home 2 weeks ago, was not what I expected. It was tough! I cried alot. I think because I was on this new journey with God. God was teaching me SO much and I have been growing alot, and then I go back to the old environment of where I was. It was hard to put the new self in the old environment. Its kinda hard to explain, but God was SO faithful in the process. I felt like friendships were different and that I was different. I had a new perspective and I didn't know how it would fit in the old environment. Fear came over me fast and I was so scared of being in bondage to what I use to be in bondage to. Well, anyways,God helped me through that where it wasn't so much the case. However, being home, I've struggled with outward adornment that 1 Peter 3:3 talks about. It says, "Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewlery, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle, quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." I came home from LA for break, and I look at my closet and realize, I have so much that i don't need! I'm always buying clothes and so obsessed with the way I look and my hair. Its so dumb! I had trouble shopping today with my mom because I realize I don't need these things, and I'm only buying them to impress people. I want to look good! Now, I'm not saying looking good is wrong but when it becomes an anxiety, a pressure, a bondage issues, then that's when its wrong. I've been struggling with looking good as my friends do, but deep down, I just wanna wear what I wanna wear not just because someone is dressed up! I guess its this problem of comparing myself to others. I want to be engulfed by the Love of God, not by society! I'm so sick of doing things just for attention and I struggle with that emotionally and physically. I hate the fact that I sometimes text boys, or flirt with boys, because I want that attention. I don't want to be trapped in the fact of feeling accepted because a boy is flirting with me and I get attention from him. I"m so sick of it! I want to be engulfed and surrounded with Jesus. If a boy gives me attention, I want him to know how in love I am with Jesus and how awesome Jesus is, not what I wear or what I necessarily look like that day. I'm so sick of chasing after useless things, drinking from the wrong fountain. I want the everlasting water, the Jesus water, the one that will satisfy me forever! Jesus is so good and the only one who can fulfill us, not clothes, not boys, not girls, not money, not the high-tech cool stuff. Now I"m not saying its wrong to have those things, but only if you are so consumed by it you are enchained to it. Think about what you are enchainged to, and be willing to let the Holy Spirit convict you of this, so be open. Often we don't want to admit these things so we push it aside, but it takes pain in order to gain freedom...its worth it friends!

Love your neighbor as yourself....

It seems lately I just have been going through a time where either people just misunderstand me or they just falsely accuse me for some reason. Now, I'm not saying in any way I don't do anything wrong, or I'm innocent in every situation, but what I'm saying is, either I'm misrepresenting myself or I'm being misunderstood. I feel discouraged at times because I want to show people Christ but sometimes they take that as I'm a goody goody or I'm being a smart-alik. I don't know why but my intentions are to be honest and be Christ-like. It hasn't happened with a lot of people but with the people it did happen to, it sucks because they don't know who I really am. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. I can't be. I can only be made righteous through God. I am in no way perfect. Also, I am in no way the coolest person ever, nor the most popular person ever and I'm fine with that. I think people misunderstand me as that and that's not my goal in life. Trust me, I stressed myself out on that one a loooong time ago. My goal is to be with Christ, to live with Him forever, and honor my life to Him and make Him known to others. I want to live a humble, simple, pleasing life to the Lord. Because, I love Jesus so much! Its like this, when you love someone, the agape love..its amazing!The person you love, you want to please them, show them you love them, all that. You don't want to hurt them. Now, I'm in no way fully knowing the extent of agape a love but I had a small taste of it and man, its blowing my world. The journey of seeing Jesus as my lover has been amazing! It really changed my life! So when I get attacked or when people misunderstand me, I can only have compassion on them. Or when they get upset at me and I don't know why or whatever, I just want to hear them out and understand where they are coming from. Yeah, I want to tell them, "That's not true or I didn't do that", but did Jesus do that when He was being accused? No, he had compassion. The thing is, I know I've made mistakes, and I will admit to them. I've disrespected people and I'm so sorry I have. But when someone attacks you for things you know you didn't do or misunderstand and won't give you the time of day to understand, just choose to love. They have hurt in their life they may not be dealing with, so don't fight back, just love. I want to encourage you all of that when you are being persecuted or falsely accused, LOVE. Let that person get out what they need to and admit to what you know you did wrong. Ask God to convict you of what you did wrong. Then choose to love that person, even when they are treating you unfairly. The thing is guys, hurting people hurt people. We are all hurting people and we will hurt others but like Jesus said, we must forgive so that we will be forgiven. Again, I don't want to come across as trying to be innocent because I'm not. I have done a lot of things wrong and I will admit to them. However, when you know people hurt you by the things they say, love them anyhow and show compassion rather than hate or revenge. Its not easy but I can testify, Jesus can help you because He helped me recently! Jesus is soo good guys! I love him so much, that is why I am the way I am and still growing!

phoenix,AZ and blessings!

So this week was pretty amazing! Lindsey and I had a show on an Indian Reservation just over the AZ border in Utah. That was really cool! It was in the middle of no where but we got to see Navajo Mountain and it was cool. This High School had 2 dogs running around and they were so cute. I think after that set-up there, Linds and I really got to become closer and know each other much more. After the Indian reservation, we headed to Joseph City,AZ where we had some awesome set-up help from Sarah and Chris. Linds and I got to talk to them. I was really encouraged by Sarah because you can tell she did not want to live below approach. I'm pretty sure she was a follower of Christ. It was cool to hear how she lives her life. Throughout Monday and Tuesday, I had no idea it snowed in AZ..well, northern AZ but we at least got to see the Grand Canyon! Man, all this stuff I"m seeing, I'm amazed by God! Only our Creator can think of that stuff! Heading to Phoenix, where it was a lot warmer, was soo good! We were doing a show at Northwestern Christian School. We stayed at this teacher's house, Gloria and her 2 daughters, Kaylee and Courtney. Kaylee is a junior and plays volleyball and Courtney is a freshman. It was so cool because they shared a similar childhood story like me. Parents are divorced and raised by a their mom, just like me. It was pretty cool for them to open up to me because we definitely have similar feelings. Linds and I had an awesome conversation with them about what God is doing in our lives, how He is challenging us. Gloria chimed in and then we ended up all praying together! I will miss them so much! I hope one day I will see them again! It was a short-time period but I thank God so much for the opportunity to meet them and fellowship with them! Its so amazing how God brings brothers and sisters from all over the world to share that common ground...Jesus! I was SOO blessed to stay at their house! Doing the show at NCC was SO amazing! I loved the students, faculty, and the visitors that came! You guys, being there, I could really see myself being apart of that community! I loved it so much! I"m still praying about it but when I was there I felt so much peace! I'm asking God what that means and what He wants to do with that! I love Jesus so much! You guys, I've been struggling a bit...I sometimes just want things that I know are not the right time for or they just aren't the right things. Like I said before, I'm really learning to see Jesus as my Lover. This week, I feel like I'm struggling...I DON"T WANNA LOSE THAT! So I ask for prayer! It was a good recharge to stay with that family this week, however, I need to continue to persevere and cling to Jesus! Its so easy to get distracted and go after things we REALLY want! The thing is, God has us right where He wants us! No matter if it seems dry, if it seems unfair because we are comparing ourselves to others what they are doing or where they are at with God. We all our on this journey that is unique, different, however, it all leads to Jesus in the end. We are all being sanctified! Just think of this...when the gold is being refined, some impurities aren't gunna come off as fast as others, they are all not going to be done at the same time. Its the same with us..we are all at different places in our lives, but that doesn't matter. Its Who we are seeking, What we see as our prize! When we train for something, we may not do all the same exercises, or even at the same time, however, we are training for a race..the Christian race and we are all having the same goal in mind..Jesus!! The purpose is to Know Him and Make Him Known! AHHH! Jesus is soooo good!!! Claim it, Love it, Share it!