2 weeks I've been home:

Hey guys! Sorry its been awhile since I've posted. Life has been crazy since moving back from Kauai. Started a new job, been on a hunt finding a car which I finally did. I work at Boys and Girls club. So now, probably will be alot of posts about my job there. Which let me tell you, after 3 days of working their..I learned so much! I'm learning about being a parent, and how God disciplines us because he loves us. For example, yesterday I had to sit this boy out b/c he was being disrespectful to other students and me. I work with 9-12 year-old so he's like 9 I think. Anyways, he was so mad at me for sitting him out, but I had to be stern with him and tell him to sit. It was hard for me, because I wanted to reach out to him and I wanted him to like me. However, discipline had to take place for him to learn. After having a time-out, I came to talk to him, still mad at me, he wouldn't talk when I asked him questions. So I left him alone until he was ready to talk. About 5 minutes later, he came running up to me, and saying how sorry he was and that he will not hit people. I gave him a side-hug and said you're ok and I forgive you. And when he saw that on my face he grinned and went on playing. In that moment, I really realized what we can be like when God disciplines us. We don't understand why or what is going on, but when we learn, and we want forgiveness, he is ready to forgive with a big-embracing hug! At the club, you can only give side-hugs because the world is crazy today and we got some sick action going on, but the Lord, that doesn't affect him, he gives you a NICE BIG MUSHY hug! Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I miss Kauai like crazy! I miss surfing, I miss my friends there. But I know, at least in this season, I have to be back home. I read an article the other day called "We need boring Christians" its on relevant magazine's website. Its about how its ok that God doesn't call you to India or California, or Hawaii in that matter, when he wants you to pour out in your hometown. Like me, he could call you back to your home. But wherever you are at, your business is a heavenly business. Its not about what people think, or how they think it should be. Do what the Lord has set before you. I sometimes feel like a loser b/c I'm living back at home and I'm not in Hawaii. Living in Hawaii, I felt so cool and got alot of praise from people. However, thats not what we are to seek b/c if we seek the approval of man, then we are not a servant of Christ (Gal. 1:10). Seek His Heart, not His Hand..b/c when we seek His heart, we will notice His Hand is right behind us guiding us to where He wants us.

What if????

Let me tell ya, since deciding to go home I have been an emotional wreck! I love it out here, I love the people, however, I do feel like my time is up! I get scared though going back home because I'm going to start out working at starbucks still but I'm thinking, "oh my gosh, what happens if that all I do!? What happens if I never get out on my own again!? what if..WHAT if..WHAT IF!" God's like, "What if?? What if, what? Am I not God that I can't handle the 'what if's??" Slap in DA face! Its amazing how we freak out, we rely on ourselves. I mean would you put your trust in a person who freaks out? I don't think so. So why do I trust myself when situations seem "What if!?" You guys, I have been so emotionally, physically tired from the last time I blogged on here. Worrying and self-centeredness is exhausting because all you do is try to make things happen that you have no control over! Its like trying to make it rain! And please don't tell me you can control that. Apparently some tourists here think the hotel employees can..pssh! As if! The thing is, we cannot freak out over things we have no control over. When we have decisions to make, we just need to go by the peace of God and trust the consequences of those (good or bad) that the Lord will use that and help us. Now, I'm not saying, "get drunk or don't get drunk" and then think "oh i'll just get drunk and it will be ok b/c God has me" OBVIOUSLY, getting drunk is a sin and not something God wants us to do. However, when it comes to a decision that is not sinful..whether its like staying where you are at or going somewhere else..think of your intentions, think of where your heart is at and ask God for direction. However, its like taking a leap of faith of making the decision and trusting the Lord will take care of it. Leaving it up to him. If we are seeking Him, He WILL NOT let us outside of His will! He's not there to trick us, but to lead us! Don't worry about the "What if"s..and i'm talking to myself here b/c I struggle with that! Lets trust God and let our love for him overflow on others and I"m sure the "What if's" will take care of themselves :)

My world turned upside down..into God's.

The Lord literally turned everything I thought, upside down. I never realized how sometimes God needs to just have us face things we don't want to face or shatter dreams in order for us to get to a place that HE is the only fulfillment we have in life. I'm moving back home in December..at least for now. I never knew how long the Lord would want me here so I'm actually having a lot of peace about it so far. I thought it was to help with this church but honestly, at least from what I can see now, it was to face myself, face things I didn't want to face, and to touch the lives of people out here through it. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways. I never knew how much I put my worth and "marbles" (if you will) into people. We see in many different scriptures how God warns about trusting man over him. Especially one in Gal.10 "If we seek the approval of man, than we are not a servant of Christ." For a long time, even before I was a christian, I always had to seek approval from my parents and friends. I always wanted people to like me and think I"m this awesome, super person. I wanted affirmation! I never sought that in God. I cannot tell you right now I am completely cured of that, but since living out her for 6 months, the Lord brought me to my knees to deal with that. See, you guys, if we seek worth in people, in our jobs, in money, in materialism, basically anything other than God..its all meaningless. Read the book of Ecclesiastes! Solomon was the most wisest man ever, but wisdom alone wasn't enough for him until he sought his life in the Lord. We all walk around on this earth, searching for our purpose. Maybe some of us our asking, "Why am I here?". Why are you here? Those who believe in evolution, ok, lets just say we did come from nothing into something from a big "Bang!" you still wonder your purpose, don't you? You still wonder what the point of you living is? We all have desire to know our purpose and once we open our eyes to the Lord, we can see that purpose! Slowly, but surely! We all desire to be in relationship. But the one that is most fulfilling is the Lord. Being out here I never knew how much I put all "marbles" into relationships out here, BEFORE putting it in the Lord. I thought people could make me happy..so instead of serving God, I was serving people. But the cool thing is, the Lord still used it! How awesome is his grace! :) Let me tell you this, when God gets you on your knees, surrendering, I'm telling you..its not easy, its hard. You can't see clearly, but in that moment you think, "ahh this is so hard what do I do!?!?" That is the moment to be still. Let him take that sliver out of your skin and in order to do that, you NEED to be still.
I went to visit my friend, Jeff, this weekend over on Oahu. The Lord not only blessed me but opened my eyes to that fact that HE LOVES ME! I'm still trying to grasp it but I was just having such a hard time deciding what to do, if I should stay out here or go, but the Lord kept revealing to me that its not about location, its not about where you are at..its about what you are doing with where you are at...are we loving God and loving people?? THAT is his will! I was SOO encouraged this weekend by my friend and his church! Also, the waves on the North Shore were so awesome!! God calmed bigger waves than those 15 footers..thats like a atom to him! LOL God knows what is best, He knows what He is doing. All he asks us to do is to be faithful..to trust Him, be still before Him. Just do what He says which is in his Word, and the rest will come into play!
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire" Psalm 37:4
and how do we do that?
"Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God, and all things will be given." Matthew 6:33
and how do we do that?
"You must love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself" Love God, Love others..Matthew 22:38

You tired yet?

I don't know about you guys, but maybe some of you who are reading this just feel exhausted about your life..maybe what you are doing in your life, or chasing after in your life. I know how you feel. I feel like I have been trying so hard to manipulate situations to make them go my way. Being self-centered and selfish is literally exhausting. I try so hard to do things my way, focus on my wants, my needs, my future. God is like, "really?". I focus so much on, "What is your will for my life God? What about me!?!" Isn't God the Almighty so amazing and ominpresent that he can see me, too?? He can see you and me at the same time and be totally engaged in our conversation with Him. I'm so sick of chasing after acceptance and love when I need to know I have an amazing Lord, God of the universe who loves me and accepts me. I don't have to go chasing Him down like as if he is running away from me. He is coming towards me with arms wide open and saying, "Come to me! I love you!" Why don't I believe that? Why don't we believe that? Maybe its not in the way WE want it to happen, or we don't literally see that. But isn't God above the seeing? He is so powerful in so many ways we don't see! That's how powerful and amazing He is. I'm not gunna sit here and lie to you guys, but I have been struggling so hard lately. I questioned so many times if God loves me, cares about me, or if he even exists. That is Satan's stupid crap to get you alone and attack! Don't let Him. Though truth may not be in the seeing, it is real. A really cool example my friend Ronnie used in his sermon yesterday was, "When you go on a plane, do you ask the pilot, 'were you drinking? did you get enough sleep? are you an actual pilot? Can I see proof?'" No! we don't ask that! We trust that the pilot is a pilot, that he hasn't been drinking and that he is not sleepy. We HAVE FAITH, WE BELIEVE, without even thinking too much about it that we will arrive at our destination. And the funny thing is, we are more likely to crash with a human pilot than we are with God! With God, WE WILL NEVER CRASH! You guys, this came to my mind today while I was listening to a sermon...for me, I have been worrying so much about my life and a certain relationship..that I finally give up on it. Letting go and letting God. I thought today, "Do I really want to keep living this way until the Rapture? Worrying, trying to work things out my way? Or would I rather live my last days here on earth worshipping, loving God, loving others and showing them Jesus? I find so much more joy in the latter than I do the first part. God does not want us to worry. He does not want us to try and figure things out, but He wants us to prepare. Prepare for His coming and the only way we can do that is knowing Him. God's plan for my life is the same as yours...
-Pray without ceasing
-Give thanks in everything
-Rejoice always
-Submit to authority
-Avoid sexual immorality
-Be saved
-Be filled with the Holy Spirit
That is God's 99% will for our lives...the other 1% (occupation, where to live, who you are going to marry, etc.) will fall into place if we just focus on those things..and how to do those..is to know and fall in love with Jesus. I'm so guilty you guys, I suck at this so bad..but I'm doing my best to follow it. God knows we are not perfect, but he sees us as perfect through his Son Jesus by accepting Him into our lives. God sees us as perfect when we acknowledge we are sinners and need Jesus..that is perfection in God's eyes, not what we do. When we acknowledge that, we automatically want to do God's will.

The Lord works everything for our good...

I love how the Lord always knows whats best for us..always working for our good. The thing is, its not always what we think because honestly, I don't think we always know what is the best for us. Lately, well, I was doing this fast for 2 week, I fasted just doing veggies n meats, then just sugar..and now I think the Lord released me. The reason being is because I was like a prodigical (however you spell it) son coming home. For awhile here, my focus was just off with the Lord. I put Jesus kind of on the back burner, I think. I was chasing after things I thought I would fulfill me. One thing, which I have always had this problem since high school, was finding my identity in people. Meaning which, who I hang out with, how often, making sure I am doing something all the time with people...to sum it all up..accepted! When doing this fast, I thought I would like let go of desires, maybe like getting married, or like finding this job position, but honestly the Lord had different plans. It was letting go of my identity in people and finding it in God. I find so much worth in feeling popular and accepted. We all want to be accepted! We all want to feel loved and that people like us and that we are the coolest thing on earth. Well, back at home, I felt like I had that. But when the Lord sent me here, he stripped it away. I do admit, God gave me a gift of making friends very easy and very fast. However, here, it was a bit challenging and took some time. However, the Lord put an amazing group of friends around me here. I really had to lean on him for that. The thing is, I thought I could come out here and do things my way..psshh. Lets just say..in a showdown between you and God..guess who is going to win...I believe the Almighty Creator of heaven and earth will. Why would I even battle? These past 2 weeks, I am finally beginning to see Jesus as my acceptance..that is where I truly need to find it. Yes, we need people and fellowship around us to support and encourage us, just like He made the body, but truth and love come from Jesus. Seriously, I was thinking today..it has always been my dream to do ministry in Hawaii and surf. Now, I am ACTUALLY doing it! Maybe not how I thought would be, but I am doing it! I mean, surfing took me 4 months and now I'm FINALLY getting the hang of it! The Lord is helping me in so many ways, and I haven't even took the time to realize it til about now. Thank you Lord for all you do! Keep trusting him, church! Keep seeking him! Trust the plans he has for you, and not your own...he has a plan, and it won't kill you...but bring you life! Maybe the plans you have that you are trying so desperately to workout and you are probably getting exhausted and tired..like I was, are killing you..and the Lord is like, "You done killin yourself kid?..I'll revive you whenever you're ready."..He's waiting for you! Now run to him! :)

Seeking the face of God

I don't think we often realize how important it is to seek the face of God. I don't think we realize that we really miss out when we don't seek the face of God. You see, the world has such a corrupt mindset. It can twist the truth so bad where we even feel its the truth. God's truth is beyond feeling..its reality. Its solid truth. The world's truth wavers and eventually becomes a lie. God's truth stands firm. It never wavers, changes, nor comes short..it comes all the way truth. Its something we can rely on and it won't fail us. God never fails us, even when we fail Him. I really realized how much I get caught up in what I think is truth. How the world can corrupt my mind. So often, out here, I think, "ahh! what am I doing! I don't have a position!" Well, maybe my position is to just pour into the sheep God has put around me to feed. I always get corrupted my the world thinking, "I need to make this kind of money." or "I need to have this job, or this position!". The thing is..the way I grew up isn't the way I want to live. I thought having alot of money, having a big house, a family at 24 is successful! No! Whatever God's will is for my life is "successful" and "successful" to him is being faithful! Success in the world's eyes is abundance of worldly crap...where success in God's eyes is seeking after His face, storing our treasures up in heaven, such as working for him, doing his will, bringing others towards him. Our true position is in the Kingdom of God, not this world. I have many desires of this life. I want to be a wife, who loves her husband, supports him in everything he does, submits, raise her children in Christ, opens our house to everyone, and know that the love of God is there and they can experience that. I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman so badly and I just realized tonight, that though I wanted that, I was doing it my way and not God's. I want to be so lost in God that nothing else matters, not even my circumstance. I know God will bring me the desires of my heart because my life is dedicated to ministry. And yes, I have been sucking at that so bad but God is a God of second chances. He has placed his desires in me and I know my calling its just a matter of timing! God created me to be a one of a kind woman of Him, just like he created you to be a one of a kind woman of Him or a man of Him! God has a plan for our life! Lets not do it our way..it just leads to more anxiety and unstability..but lets just surrender and do it His way. Silence yourself before the Lord, Humble yourself and pray! 2 Chronicles 7:14 "Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." He will restore your life! :)

God wants to give you Kona Coffee...I'll explain...

I have no idea why..well, maybe I do..but I have been soo tired. I mean literally guys..I'm a grandma....I go to bed at like 8:30pm. I really think its b/c with my job at Starbucks I open all the time which I need to be there at 4:15am so I get up at like 3:30am. Please pray that next week God gives me the strength to get up and have energy b/c I open 5 days next week and I feel like my body is already worn down. Anyways..I have been really learning this past week or so what it means to let go and let God. I guess desiring His will even when you don't know what it is. In our bible study last Wednesday, we were talking about what it means to have faith..and how do we apply it. Having faith is easier said than done. Jesus said, "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed and you say to this mountain, "Move!" it will move!" Ok, so what does that mean? I mean..I'm not going to lie, I looked at mountains before as thought..what if I could move this mountain like Jesus talks about. In Heb. 11:1 it says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". Key words in there..sure and certain. Do we have faith..as small as a mustard seed in situations that arise? "Faith..is being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see" In my NLT translation it says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance of the things we cannot see". We cannot even see what will happen in 5 minutes so every one of us needs hope in this life. I don't care who you are..we need hope! We need to know there is joy at the end of a trial! No, not all things will turn out like we want them to but do we can have faith, as small as a mustard seed, to trust God that whatever happens is for the good and that there is joy at at the end. In the book of James, James deeply expresses that every trial has joy (James 1). Maybe when Jesus talks about having faith in the Lord to lift the mountain, maybe we put the faith in ourselves that we can move the mountain and it doesn't move..or maybe in another way, the mountain moves, but not in the way we want it to. So therefore, we think it didn't move. I don't know, I could be talking smack but its something I'm thinking about. I'm going through a situation where I have no idea what is going on in a particular circumstance. Everyone is telling me to just turn my head and separate, but I just don't have peace about it. I don't know why but I can't. The Lord keeps telling me to pray and wait. Wait upon the Lord! We hate to hear the word wait. Especially in America, we get everything now! I think of some customers at Starbucks..not all, but some, that hate to wait and are so anxious. Taking this as an example, a customer walks in...so anxious, they want there coffee now! Like speed of lightning. Well at starbucks we want to make the customer happy but we are all about quality. So the customer is anxious and just wanting their coffee now. However, they don't want Pikes Place, they want KONA! And Kona is our amazing 100% Hawaiian coffee that is so rich in flavor. Kona is not brewed in an urn, it is poured over..where we put the grounds in a funnel and dump hot water over it to make it fresh! It takes maybe like 3 minutes. But this customer doesn't want to wait for the better coffee, they want coffee now, so b/c they are so anxious..they settle for Pikes Place and walks out. The get to their car and is upset b/c its not as good as Kona but b/c they refused to wait..they got pikes place. Sorry, coffee is always on my mind b/c of work lol! But what I"m trying to say is, wait on the Lord. Saul never waited on God for the commands and he became a mad man and caused chaos..David waited on the Lord and brought success in ways David probably ever could imagine. Kona and Pikes could be represented in many ways in your life, a situation, a person, maybe a situation/person being "pikes place" to becoming "kona". But whatever it is, God wants to give you Kona coffee!! (you catch my drift) but you have to wait! ITS ALL IN THIS TIMING! That "3 minutes" for "kona" to be done will be worth it! But the MOST IMPORTANT thing to do, is PRAY! Talk to God, seek Him, KNOW Him, when we wait, we become desperate we seek! Have faith that He has the best for you in mind, even when it doesn't seem like it! No matter what others are telling you, yeild to what He wants you to do, not what others say..I don't care if they are Christian. You hear the Lord. I think of this song I sing in the car by this artist named Coffey (how ironic..)he says, "Be still and know that He is God. I trust in You with the desires of my heart.." and the song is called Wait on the Lord. how funny!

Isaiah 26:9-11

Hey sorry its been so long. Been busy! I realized lately that I don't keep my priorities straight..especially with God. I let so many things distract or consume my mind that it can easily distract me from tasks the Lord has given me. What I am going to talk about in these next 3 verses go along these lines but lets dive in.
"(9)All night long I search for you; in the morning I earnestly seek for God. For only when you come to judge the earth will people learn what is right. (10)Your kindness to the wicked does not make them good. Although others do right, the wicked keep doing wrong. (11)O Lord, they pay no attention to your upraised fist. Show them your eagerness to defend your people. Then they will be ashamed. Let your fire consume you enemies."
verse 9: This is where my priorities are sucking right now. I have been on this spiritual dryness and its no one's fault but my own because I have not been in the Word. The Word is where its at. We need the Word to refill us, replenish us, its our daily bread Jesus' says. When you notice something is missing, for example, your cell phone, don't we frantically look for it?! We turn our house upside down and our cars! And we realize we can't find it we freak! Why is it that we put some stupid object, and don't get me wrong, I'm preaching to myself here, too, in front of the Lord. I'm not saying its wrong to have a cell phone but we don't get our priorities straight as humans. God is the only thing that bring hope, that bring strength. He is what we need to survive! We don't get that. I know I sometimes don't. I mean I can be this prideful christian sometimes going through the motions, and honestly, I HATE IT! I want to challenge both of us, to wake up in the morning and pray..even if its for a minute.. talk to God. Guarantee it will change your life, one minute at a time. Will you join me in this? I need help to do this, too. I'm a hypocrite who needs Jesus, too! God is soveriegn and He knows what is best for us.
verse 10: Now, Isaiah the prophet is praying for the people of Israel for all the wrong they are doing. How they are not turning to God, because they believe they got it all together. Oh my gosh, who does that sound like? God loves us so much that though He may get angry with us, His kindness is what draws us to Him. The thing is if we don't fear God, which we will get into in verse 11, we take God for granted. We mock Him, and insult Him. The God of the universe, the God who gave you life! Check out this clip..its 18min so hopefully you got some time..this is what the Lord did for you...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjSio8jur2Y
verse 11: God wants to defend us, He wants to help us, He wants to be in a relationship with us. We as humans are so prone to just do our own thing. We think we got it together, we know everything..sounds like how we talk about teenagers, yea? They are no different than us as adults! And if you are a teenager, I didn't mean that as an insult but just that adults struggle with that too! The thing is, fearing the Lord does not mean to be deathly scared of Him where you are afraid to come to Him, but to be in awe of Him, to know that He has the power to give and take away. That He is God of the universe. To show reverance. I don't know where you are in this life, but you have a purpose. I discovered more of my purpose when I laid my life at Jesus' feet and said, "Take it!" and its something I still am working on today. Jesus came to give life abundant. He gave us life as a gift to enjoy..not to hate. There will be trials yes, but if you lay your life at His feet, you have hope! You can overcome any situation in your life through Him. Just trust Him, trust what He tells you to do! But in order to know those things..we need to do what verse 9 says, "Seek!" Seek Him in all you do! Get to know Him! Just like anyone else. In order to trust someone, you need to get to know Him. And believe me, He has alot to offer..and He offered His Son in exchange for you to have life...would you give up your son or daughter for someone else's life? yeahhh...lets think about that.

Isaiah 26:5-8

So continuing on with the Bible Study..we are in the next 4 verses. Dudes, before I begin..I ask for prayer. I have been struggling with just ministry in general. I talked to a friend a couple days ago from home and him and I are just so confused on how to be intentional with ministry. I seriously think I make things more complicated than it should be. I do so many things or say so many things I shouldn't. I sometimes get so hard on myself b/c I fail a lot of times at being a Christian. We as christians need to be vulnerable b/c NO ONE has it together, NOBODY!!! We can only have it together through Jesus...but we need to rely on him and this is what the study is about today!I'm not any better than a non-Christian..I just claim I need Jesus!
Isaiah 26:5-8 (NLT)
"(5)He humbles the proud and brings down the arrogant city. He brings it down to the dust. (6)The poor and oppressed trample it underfoot, and the needy walk all over it. (7)But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and you smooth out the path ahead of them. (8)Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; and our heart's desire is to glorify your name."
Ok, there is alot in here, so again, lets break this down.
Vs. 5, 6-->Have you ever came across someone just super arrogant? So stuck on themselves? Or maybe like you have been in a relationship where you felt trampled on and like no matter what you told them, they wouldn't listen to you or maybe they kept putting it back on you? The thing is God will humble all those who are proud! He has your back and the revenge is His. Now there are 2 different prides..those who boast about themselves, and bring down others. And then there are those, who live life on their own and do not let God, and then there are people who have both. God will humble all who are prideful. Now, I'm not hear to be preaching to you, b/c I struggle with pride. I trip up all the time! I have those days or weeks, like this week for example, I get so tied up in my days that I put God aside and depend on myself. Or feeling like I have to make it work. Are you kidding me?? There is no way I could "make things work"! We have to realize we are humans...just puny little humans. To God, we are like ants! And as humans, what do we think of ants? We think, "They are so small, their life is so useless..I can just step on them!" God chooses not to think of us in that way. We, as little ants, have such precious lives b/c we bear His image! He looks down on you and says, "You may be a little ant, but you have SOO much purpose and SOO Much worth..that's why I will not destroy you b/c I love you!" God could choose to wipe us out and to destroy us..but his love for us is SOO strong! Its kinda like as a parent, you love your kid so much, even when they are a pain, you still love them! God values you so much! God is going to take care of every little thing in ant-of-a-life. If you choose to wait upon him and trust him! "The Lord will fight for you! You need only to be still!" Exodus 14:14
Vs:7-->I don't know exactly where you are at in your life. However, life is tough. Life can be a....I won't say it, but not necessarily a "beach" all the time. Its hard, and there are quite a bit of people that give up by taking their own life. I want to encourage you that no matter how hard things get, and I mean NO MATTER how hard things get, like you may feel like you are drowning and you don't know if you can live anymore..God has you if you just trust Him by being patient, praying, asking, seeking! His hand is right underneath you ready to catch you if you would just let yourself fall in his arms. Have you ever fallen backwards into a group of people's arms..like some rock stars do at concerts or something?? God wants you to do that in His arms! It won't be easy but there is always joy in it! Everything you go through has a purpose. We may not see it right away, but there is a reason! Make your life count! Without God, your life is meaningless. Not to sound mean, but that is the truth. What are you living for? People fade, money fades, family, spouses fade...but the Lord never fades. And I'm not saying to not invest in relationships or be lazy or anything,but everything in this life is a gift...and it can easily be taken. You were meant to live forever, where will you choose to be forever?
Vs. 8--> When you love someone, do you want to hurt them? Maybe, your siblings drive you nuts and you want to punch them in the face sometimes..the thought might come across. Or maybe your spouse is driving you up a wall you want to say some mean comment to them and "put them in their place"..or maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend is being ridiculous so you wanna seek revenge and do something back to them to make them realize you're right...whatever it is deep down, we don't want to hurt them because we love them. We just let pride get in the way. Jesus says, "If you love me, you'll obey me." When you are in love with someone, you don't want to hurt them. However, we are going to hurt the ones we love. I claim to be a christian, yes, I love Jesus, but do I obey him? Not all the time. I suck alot of times at what He calls me to do and I stall, or I disobey..and I sin! I"m a sinner! However, Jesus paid the price for the punishment I was suppose to take. Jesus took the spanking, if you will, that you and I deserved for disobedience. Doing wrong, needs a punishment, but Jesus took that huge one for us! However, think of it this way, when you hurt the one you love, and don't you feel bad? The same thing with Jesus, when we disobey him, we should come to repentance, and He is ALWAYS apt to forgive. But why do we unforgive others? No one is perfect! Remember...NO ONE has it together! What makes us better than anyone else that we would not forgive? Now I know there are certain situations where a trust was broken and it will take time, but we need to forgive b/c it lets us off the hook as well. We don't carry that burden! I'm going off tangent, but I know for me, my heart's desire is to glorify Jesus..to serve Him, worship Him. Why?? Why would I waste my time doing that? B/c He "wasted" his time taking a severe aweful punishment for my sake so that I may have life b/c He freaking loves me and I freaking love Him!!!! (Though I suck at showing it sometimes.) Life after this life and I won't have to spend it in a HELL of a place. He did the same for you! Jesus loves us that much guys! He is the God of the universe that CHOSE to incorporate us ants into His life! He is a God of love! He wants you!
This might of been muffled, but I hope the Holy Spirit gives you understanding! Its all about Jesus and knowing Him. The Word is the manual of how to live life..we do have directions! Just trust Him! :)

Isaiah 26:1-4

So today, I finally had a day off from work. My life here has been pretty crazy busy. And to be honest, I haven't been spending much time with Jesus. And to be honest, I think sometimes I forget He is with me in my time of work b/c I'm so busy. I do not want to forget Him. I want to be in total communication with Him 24/7 but b/c I let busyness get in the way...I feel like its been a couple weeks since Jesus and I talked. So today, I have been spending time with Him. He put on my heart to start a little bible study through my blog on Isaiah 26. I keep reading this over and over and honestly, I have no idea why. Yes, it is encouraging but it really is sticking out to me. So I believe the Lord wanted me to share this with you! We'll see his purpose eventually but here is some encouragement..Let's begin!
Isaiah 26:1-4 (NLT version) "(1)Our city is strong! We are surrounded by the walls of God's salvation. (2)Open the gates to all who are righteous; allow the faithful to enter. (3)You will keep in perfect peace all who trust you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (4)Trust in the Lord, always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock."
I think some big words that pop out of these verses are "strong", "walls of God's salvation", "open", "perfect peace", "thoughts fixed on you", "eternal Rock". I would like to hear what words pointed out to you and what they mean to you! Feel free to comment! :) So lets break this down.
Vs 1: Our life is strong b/c we have the Lord's salvation is surrounding us! When we are in Christ, we have stability in our lives, though things around us seem shaky. God has given us through Jesus restoration, new life, hope, deliverance, freedom. Its up to us if we are willing to accept the gift of salvation b/c that is all what is in the box! We find self worth, love, freedom, hope! Nothing in this life that comes against you can prosper because you have the Lord Jesus on your side, but you need to trust Him!
Vs 2: I know for me being in Hawaii, I want the Lord's will! I want Him to open doors! I want to know my purpose! We all want a purpose and the thing is, you do have a purpose! God has a specific calling on your life that He only wants YOU to do! He is calling you. Will you be faithful and act? Ask Him to make it clear. We need to ask him for forgiveness and show us mercy to allow us to enter! He wants you to enter! He's inviting you into this new life that is freedom! No more, "I gotta catch up, I gotta do this to be accepted. I gotta do this to make me happy, to get away from this problem" You have hope!
Vs 3: Though the winds may blow and trials WILL come, you will not be shaken b/c the Lord is with you. He will give me and you perfect peace in the chaos, confusion, not understanding times, of life! Even though the situation may be uncomfortable, seek Him and be still before Him. Seek His words! He will give you peace, then you will be filled with strength! Setting our thoughts on Jesus is not focusing on what is happening to you right now, what is going on around you right now. It's focusing on trusting what He is doing! There is SOO much in the unseen than there is on the seen! God is so much bigger than what is seen! In Habbakuk 1:5 He tells the prophet, "I am doing something in your own day, something that if someone told you, you wouldn't believe!" He is at work, though you may not see it. Just trust in His word, Trust in His commands!
Vs 4: This goes along with the vs. 3 but No matter what the situation may look like, Don't give up! I have been tested out here with even believing God is there! I questioned quite a bit, but He pulls through! Ask Him to reveal Himself, be patient, and be open! Most of all, be still!! You gotta be still, give Him a chance to show you! Nothing fathoms God, Nothing surprises Him, Nothing can overcome Him! Everything He does is good! Yeah, you might be right now, "Umm..really? b/c my life sucks right now!" God never promised an easy life, but he promised a victorious life through Jesus! If you just turn to Him, be still, listen to Him, OBEY Him (that's I think the part that we struggle with..just sayin), give Him a chance, He will come through! He works on our behalf! I promise you, you just got to be still before Him.

I am going to go through this chapter in Isaiah for awhile on here! Feel free to join me in this study and ask questions or make comments on here or on the post I put on facebook! I would love to hear it! I want to encourage all of you as we run this race together, and if you are not a Christian, THAT's OK! I want to encourage you and just share with you how awesome Jesus is b/c He loves you! One thing to leave you with til next time, "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God for He cares about you!" (1 Peter 5:6-7) The God of the universe cares and LOVES you!

Praying for Boldness instead of Deliverance

I'm sure you have thought this, but have you ever thought sometimes in life that you just wish your life was perfect?? Maybe you are like me, where you try so hard to make things perfect. You maybe avoid certain situations so you won't make things rocky, or maybe you're in a situation and you are too afraid to get out because you are afraid of what may be beyond! Or maybe you think there is nothing beyond, like this is it! There's no hope! Umm..story of my life! I'm telling you, I thought Camfel was stretching..pssshhh..yeah, what was I complaining about. I love Hawaii, but God has really taken me out of my comfort zone. I always have to know what is next, whats the game plan..and God's like, "NOPE! Seek my face! I"ll be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path"..and lamps don't really show much of what is around you. So I don't even know what I'm stepping on. I checked out a different church today called Koala Missionary! It was soo good! Loved the people, felt like I could definitely fit in here (but just from previous rash decisions before, praying first!). One of the things we talked about today was how when our life sucks, we so want God to just get rid of it! "God, my marriage sucks right now! Get rid of the crap!" or "God, this whole situation here isn't working out, just remove me!" We scream to God, "Get ME OUT!!!" But the thing is, whatever comes our way, God knows we can handle it. We often pray for deliverance but have you thought maybe praying for boldness might be more worth it. God just doesn't always want us to runaway. Believe me, I'm still working on that one, and the whole controlling your emotions, saw some progression but still needs ALOT of work. Today at church we talked about Acts 4 and the apostles approaching situations I'm sure they wanted God to remove them. But instead they pray for boldness instead of deliverance in vs. 29, "And now, Lord, hear their threats, and GIVE US BOLDNESS in preaching your word." They weren't praying, "Ahh God these people are persecuting us, remove us and send us elsewhere." They persevered! In the previous verse it says, "But EVERYTHING they did WAS determined BEFOREHAND ACCORDING TO YOUR WILL." God knew all this was going to happen! And the same with you and me. God knew this crap that we were in was going to happen. And the thing is, He is telling us, "Beloved, my precious creature, YOU ARE DELIVERED...You're not gunna die in this situation because I have delivered you before this even happened!!" I need to remember 3 things when I face crap, 1. I'm not gunna die. 2. I'm loved by God. and 3. The power of Christ is within me. I can get through anything because of Him. God has us go through these hard, sometimes seems purposeless, confusing, frustrating times, in order that we may learn and grow. He disciplines us because He loves us. He sees what is holding us back and He says, "I"m doing this because I love you and I want you to live life to its fullest!" He wants to remove those impurities and chains that we found so comfortable. Heck yeah, its going to hurt, but if we trust what He is doing, if we just let go, and let God, and believe me, I'm still trying to figure out how to do that, and honestly, it hits me now, If I just let go, just whatever comes comes, I'm gunna take it by the horns and take it. Its like a big wave, coming right at me, and instead of keeping running from it (which eventually its gunna catch up with me) I'm gunna face it and take it...by doing a duck dive, where its I'll go through it and it will go over me, because God is holding my hand and saying, "Trust me!" and pulls me under the wave so I don't get tumbled in it. I still get tumbled in the waves sometimes, and there are many more waves to come but if I continue to grab God's hand and go through the wave, I'll get through it instead of me getting tumbled or pushing me back! And literally, when their our big waves, you have to duck dive because if you just run from it, or just stand it front of it, you'll get pumbled or pushed back..did it today..and God used that!! :)

Confusion in the midst of Chaos..where are you God?

I don't know how you are feeling lately..heck I don't know what feelings are anymore...are they an indicatior of something..I know they aren't always truth..but why do we feel things? How do you know if its a lie or not? Why can't we distinguish truth from feeling..why is it so hard? I never feel like I'm good enough to run this Christian race. I feel like the world's suckiest Christian. I can't do anything right! I feel like people from every which way is like, "here this..this is right" "oh , wait no, this is good" "try this!" "do this!" "read this scripture" "Pray this way!" what the heck?!? I don't get it! Maybe my problem is I listen to too many people and then I lose side of God. Maybe I just can't say "NO!" to people and "Yes, God let me just get rid of those STUPID distractions and focus on you!" Yes, I'm super frustrated! I definitely know what Paul is talking about in Romans when he says, "I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I do want to do!" I think so often, I screw myself over because I run to people rather than God. I listen to the opinion of people rather than God. I seek people's advice rather than God's then it screws me up! I feel so bi-polar right now! One sit of talking with someone, I felt at peace and I was like, "Yeah, ok, this is what I gotta do!" then literally like 5 minutes later I"m like, "I dunno anymore! Wait, God I dunno!" I HATE THIS!! I want to be consistent in my living for Christ. And yes! IF you are reading this and thinking, "Oh man she is going off her own strength and she is frustrated!" Amen, brother! You got it right! I am frustrated because I don't know how to freaking let go! I just screwed myself by running to other people rather than God! Here is some advice for you, Seek God above all else. I"m not saying its wrong to get some wise counsel and talk things through, but be SLOW TO SPEAK and QUICK TO LISTEN! Take it from someone who keeps messing up her life and sucking so bad b/c I jacked myself up by how to think now! I need my Jesus! I need to just be with Him, alone! I need to sacrifice what I think I need for Him because He is all I need! I want to follow Him and I want to love Him, but I feel so confused on what He is calling me to do! I don't know how!! Pray the Lord reveals such things! I need to start putting Him first, and I haven't! Yes, I'm a freaking hypocrite Christian who needs Jesus! I admit it! I"m sorry if any other Christian has hurt you and turned you away from Jesus, we are human and we suck, but Jesus doesn't and if we choose to live through Him and with Him, you'll understand more, and find you're need for Him.

His ways are Higher than our ways...

So, those of you who keep up with my blog..haha, (its ok if there is none, its all good), you probably sensed I was going through a difficult time out here. Well, God is good. I mean I'm not saying it won't get hard ever, but the Lord proves Himself faithful even when we are faithless. I guess the past couple weeks I just was hanging on, stressing out, trying to figure out to the point of exhaustion, why the Lord called me here. And ya know? I STILL don't have an answer..but you know what...ITS OK!!! I"m finally okay with trusting God that He will reveal His purpose in time. Do you ever just get sick and tired of trying to figure out things for yourself? Trying to do things on your own?? Man, I still get exhausted and I try doing it on my own..and I CAN"T!!! The thing is, there is crap that is going to happen in your life...and the thing is God is going to use that for good. Yeah, it seems impossible. It could be something from one extreme of "God, how are you going to find me a car?" to "God, I have this sickness..what are you going to do now?" or "God, my friend died, what the heck!?" Where are you?! The thing is, God is always there and always present. Sometimes we don't feel His presence because we either refuse to engage in His presence or we push God away. We are not always going to understand why we go through the things we go through, or why things happen but one thing that we can know and find hope in is that God has us and has everything under control. We can rest in that, hope in that, find security and comfort in that and God OPENLY and JOYFULLY invites you in that! Right now, I should be in bed b/c I need to get up early in the morning for work, but I can't sleep. But while I was tossing and turning, I was kind of giggling b/c this past week I was freaking out about my life..AGAIN..and then I see how God smoothed everything out and made it workout! The thing is, God will honor us and reward us when we are faithful, maybe not right away, maybe not in this life time. However, where are real treasures are, they are in heaven, where nothing can get to them! Its easy now of days to get our identity stolen, money stolen, whatever stolen, but NO ONE or NOTHING can still your identity and your treasures in Christ! God is that good, people! I just want to encourage you, when you think your world is falling apart, when you don't understand what is going on. You'll prolly freak out and cry and all that, which is normal, however, I want you to know that you have a LOVING God and an AWESOME God who wants to invite you into His life that is eternal and wants to take care of you if you allow Him. I still struggle sometimes entrusting the Lord, but I never regretted doing it!! NEVER! I might be hesitant with certain situations to hand them over to Him, but when I did it, I NEVER regretted it. I only regret when I didn't hand them over to Him. His ways our higher than our ways..His thoughts..Higher than our thoughts...(Isaiah.55:8-9)

Can you take the heat?

I'm sure you all heard of the expression.."sink or swim" or I know one of these volleyball t-shirts I had or might of saw (I can't remember) was "If you can't take the heat, get off the court." I know for me, Volleyball was my life. It was what I breathed, ate, thought about. Volleyball was my god. I wanted to do everything I could to be the best. However, God stopped me. He stopped me from playing and took me down another path. I felt like I was going through the most intense break-up of my life with my boyfriend, volleyball. LOL. I felt so lost with my life. I felt I had no purpose in my life. It was everything to me. Then when he stripped away "my god", I found the One who truly brings purpose, Who brings hope. Who loves me more than Volleyball ever could. Who I didn't have to try my hardest to keep going with...I just had to fall into His hands. I guess where I'm going with this is, its nothing of ourselves that we can do to change. Yes, our actions and our words bring consequences but God is the one who changes our hearts. He draws us to Himself (John 6:44). Things here definitely got heated within the past few weeks. I felt like I was under so much pressure I didn't know if I could take it. I realized I had a "god" that I felt if I didn't feed it, or make sure I was doing everything I could to keep it peaceful, it was over! It was a circumstance I was living in. The thing is, God allows things to happen..not saying He wants them to happen but allows them to happen so that we may realize what dirt is in our lives..so that we may draw closer to Him. God is refining us and He doesn't do that to hurt us but He does that to give us an abundant life, a life that actually has purpose, through Jesus Christ who died and saved us from our sins which would be our wrong-doing, our mistakes, our selfish ways. If you think living life on your own and doing whatever the heck you want is a free life, tell me that straight in the eyes that it is. I bet it is exhausting. I bet deep down you try so hard to make things happen for yourself and that you keep running to all these different things to fill you up and make you happy but you realize it runs out soon and you gotta keep filling up! NOT WITH MY JESUS!! HE NEVER RUNS DRY!! YOU NEVER THIRST!!! Jesus says, "Anyone who drinks this water (your own ways, worldly ways, what the world tells you to do) will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will NEVER be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life." Jesus loves you so much that He came, died for you to live a life of purpose! I realized, even being a Christian, I would still draw from a well that would try and fill me up rather than God. I realized I let my emotions get the best of me when I am under heat rather than just being still, at my Lord's feet and listening to Him. I have to run to other people and what I feel at that moment, thinking I can't take the heat, I runaway..and I almost did. However, then the Lord put me in the corner and told me, "Jessie, I love you. You don't have to do this alone. I called you here and if you drink from me, you can take the heat" (Phil 4:13). I have been praying God would change my heart and He did! He listens to us! Even in the heat of the moment, we have to learn to be still before God. He knows what is best...really.

Survivor...Outwit, Outplay,Outlast

Have you ever watched that show Survivor?? I use to with my dad back in the day when it first came on as was "the thing to watch". Well, now that I look back on it, that show somewhat encourages me now. Those people got thrown on an island and in order to win a million dollars they have to stay on...persevere, do what they have to do to survive! Well, if anything maybe God is playing that "game" with me. Not meaning that in a disrespectful way to Him. Except I'm not playing for a million dollars. I'm trying to survive this "game" with the end goal in mind...Jesus! I just moved in my apartment 2 days ago. It is so weird to have my own place. I'm not really sure if I'm prepared for it and it scares me. But God obviously thinks I am. The thing is, this "game of Survivor" if you will..is where I can not obviously maintain stability and growth and everything I need without God. I need to keep the alliance I have with God so I don't get voted off the island, OR importantly the race! I sometimes wonder why God called me here. Yes, I'm still trying to figure that out. Those of you who know me well, more of this goes for my girls, know why I freak out (ya girls, here me! lol). But honestly, I know I want this certain something and I was willing to give it up, but God smack dab put me in front of it again and I don't understand b/c it does not seem it is working out. I guess sometimes we get to point in our walk with God where things just begin not to make sense and everything is moving around you so fast that you feel like you can't grasp on. You gotta just go with the crazy current like I said in the last blog. I was reading in James this past week..the 1st chapter I believe and it is towards the end where it talks about God will not mislead us or cast a shadow to misguide us. He does not tempt us or lead us astray. I know Satan wants me to believe that lie..and honestly, somedays are alot harder than others to believe that. I feel sometimes I can be an emotional wreck b/c of it. I guess in order to keep me on this "island", to keep me going for the prize..is my alliance with Jesus. The one who will give me strength, understanding, peace, and especially hope! He's my daily food, my daily breathe..I need to believe that b/c of that alliance is torn..I'm done. Think about it guys. Do you feel lost? Do you have the alliance to keep you in the game? You can't do it on your own..believe me, I tried here..I jacked myself up. I"m screwin up left and right and I"m so sick of it. I get so exhausted.. I hate when I listen to my feelings rather than God's truth. It ruins your life..LITERALLY! Keep the goal in mind...your treasures will be in Heaven. Keep your eyes on Jesus...

God's Word is our daily bread...

So lately, well probably for this past month being here in Kauai, I have been in such a spiritual funk. I have been feeling so dry, literally I was just starving myself from the Word. I didn't have any motivation, nor desire to dig in the Word. I thought maybe if I just "talk to God" meaning, this one way conversation with only me talking, that would be good enough. I don't think so. To be honest, I'm still struggling with why God still has me here. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Hawaii! I have met some awesome people here but I guess I don't know where my niche is exactly. So this past week I had a few blowouts but Sunday night was the biggest. During the day on Sunday, I was on the west side with some friends, having a cookout, swimming, getting eatin by waves pretty much, lol. The waves over there are so powerful and intense! Anyways, one of the friends I was with, Jon, was talking about why people drown in currants. He was talking about how when someone is stuck in a currant, they waste all their energy and time trying to fight the currant that they exhaust themselves and then they die. Rather than, just letting the currant take them to wherever it ends. You have a better chance of living that way. Little did he know, God used him to speak to me. God said Sunday night, "Jessie, you are fighting the currant. You are trying so hard to do things and live life here on your own that you are exhausting yourself to stay above the water." I have been trying to figure things out on my own, and making things work the way I think they should go. However, when we do that, we exhaust ourselves. Monday after work, I just dove in the Word. I had to whether i felt like it or not, and honestly I didn't feel like it. I believed the lie of, "Oh, I know whats in there but its not pertaining to what is going on in my life right now." Yeah, what a bluff! When I opened my bible, and even just read a couple verses, I began to realize how hungry I was. Its like when you think you aren't hungry but then you maybe eat a little bit and then you end up eating a whole bunch and realized you were starving?? Yeah, same with the Word! It felt so good to "eat" to be with my Jesus. To fellowship with Him and be at His feet. I just repented for trying to do this on my own and not involving him in my life. I was trying to do things for God rather than God helping me do things for him. We can not live this life on our own. We are made for relationship and especially relationship with God. Jesus loves you so much that in order to have a relationship with you, He died for you because you are SO worth it to Him. And God was able to go through the pain of seeing His son on a cross, crucified! Imagine someone you love so deeply crucified on a cross!! How horrifying is that! Whether its your husband, your parents, a friend, a boyfriend, girlfriend..whatever! Just know that God paid an ultimate price to give you life and He wants you to live it to the fullest by giving Himself to you. His ways are way better than our ways. I know a life living for Jesus is not always easy. There is friction against the world with it, there is sacrifice and hardship but that is because we were born in the a world where its all lies, and in order to get away from that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life! He is the only way to a true, abundant life worth living for. I want to encourage you to dig deep into the Word. Have a study session and have a conversation with God. If you want God to reveal Himself to you, He will. Just keep yourself open! :)

Life as we know it....

Wow, been busy lately, haven't had time to blog! So far on my journey of living in Kauai, its been going well. I mean, I definitely have my days where I'm like, "What the heck am i doing here?!" or "Wait, what am I here for?" or the other bi-polar side of "Dude this is so awesome!" or "OH YEAH! This is why God has me!" I mean just because this is Hawaii, people, doesn't mean it is in any way easy. I really miss my family and friends back home but just when I begin to freak out and cry, God reminds me of His word and promises. I found an apartment and I ended up getting it but I just pray that I can afford it! I mean starbucks has awesome benefits and all but I mean growing up, there is a lot responsibilities! But ya know, if God wants me out here, He will provide! If it doesn't work out, then I'll move on to the next thing He has for me. The other night, I was just really questioning why I was here and just crying out to God for dear help! I felt so weak, so helpless, I felt like I was ruining things. Sometimes out here, I feel like God has abandoned me. But sure enough, God comes in and reminds me that He has never left my side and that often, when I get in some stupid predicament, its a chance for me to learn and be humbled. So often, we think when we make a mistake, we think we are doomed. The world wants us to think that life can never "be fixed". Well, thats true, but when we have Jesus, he already "fixes" our life. We are made "fixed" through him. I hate when I mess up! I hate when there was "the better option" and I didn't take it. But you know guys, God works through our mistakes. Dude, ok so my dad sent me this awesome encouraging letter this week about getting through adversity. We can't let things stop us from getting to our goal, to where the Lord has called us. Now I'm telling you, when God calls us somewhere, its not going to be easy and sweet, its going to be tough sometimes. My friend Jeff reminds me when I'm homesick to remember why God calls me out there and he told me before I came here to hang on to what God said because when I come out here, things are going to get hard and I'm going to want to jet. Yeah, Jeff had that right, lol. But through the strength and grace of God and my awesome best friend, Jason who is here with me, I'm getting through this. I don't know exactly my purpose here yet, but I do know I came to minister and one of them is through singing. I don't know why but I believe that is what it is. Jason led an awesome bible study last night at church and it reminded me to exemplify, show my love for the Lord. Its about being genuine in our relationship with Him and other people. When we love someone, we show it! I'm so in love with Jesus that I want to show it! I don't want to be scared! What does man have on us? Oh, they will hate us? They will fire us? They will persecuate us? So what!? God is so much bigger than that!! I speak for myself here, too guys! Jesus wants to be apart of our lives! He has a better plan than we do for ourselves and its abundant...its filled with significant purpose! I know I mess up alot, but its so humbling and amazing to know the grace of God! This post might be kind of scattered in topic but I pray the Holy Spirit speaks to you through this to put the pieces together b/c He is out-pouring all this from me!! Jesus loves you so much that you were worth dying for! :D

Opportunities and Growth..

Man, I love to blog about what I'm doing out here. I hope this encourages you with whatever you are dealing with. Alright so life so far here has had its ups and downs, but I can't complain. This is definitely where the Lord wants me. Now, I'm not saying it is easy in anyway but its really teaching me of how the Lord provides and to depend and trust upon Him. Work at Starbucks is going great! I hung out with 2 co-workers/friends today, Keanna and Mariah! Awesome, Awesome girls. Keanna and I met for breakfast at Kaleheo cafe, and then went to the beach with her ADORABLE son, Rider. Then we went to this restaurant called Kalapaki Joe's with Mariah. We had some awesome conversations about Jesus. Dude, if anything, I know God wanted me out here to encourage these girls, and they have encouraged me! They both are my trainers at Starbucks but its so awesome of how we are pouring into each others lives. They wanna check out our church, Relevant Church of Kauai! So I'm super stoked. I guess, if anything God is teaching me to just pour into the people around me, Christian or non-Christian. I was talking to my friend, Drew, tonight and we don't know exactly if we are suppose to find the opportunities or let the opportunities come to us, but what we do know is to make the most of every opportunity (eph.5:16). I believe every time we have an encounter with someone, there is an opportunity to show Christ, whether with words or with actions. However the Spirit leads. I definitely can see how God used Camfel for all this. Just to help find myself of who I am in Christ as well as persevering. I do miss my friends so much back at home, but the Lord has been providing me with encouragement! So let me just say this, and in no way was I awesome at this..Wherever the Lord leads you or whatever He wants you to do, it may be hard, but bite the bullet and do it. Take the uncomfortableness and take the risk and go for it. Jason kept telling me, "Its not going to be uncomfortable forever" So true because I'm starting to really adjust. No, not everyday is going to be easy. We are going to have those days like, "AHH! What am I doing!" or "This sucks! I want out!" But wherever the Lord wants you, He WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU! It may not seem like it right away but He does. He takes care of the birds doesn't he? So how much more valuable are you then they? I know its not always easy..we care too much of what people will think (Thats a BIG stopper) and we worry to much about what will happen. Well, let me tell you this, what power does man have over you? Why should we fear weak, wimpy man rather than the Almighty Powerful God. And how do you know what will happen when you can't even predict what will happen the next 2 minutes of a TV program you never have seen before. The all-knowing, Almighty, LOVING God wants to have a relationship with you where He wants to give you the hook-up! No, it won't be easy. Its a tough road, but you will see how it is so worth it! Its better than what the worldly life could ever offer because life with God lasts forever, FOR-E-VER!!! Feel free to facebook me or email me (jlacay88@gmail.com) or comment if you wanna talk!

What bleeds when trials come...

So far I have been living in Kauai for one week. Things have been coming along fast. Meeting people, starting my job, helping with church stuff, trying to get established (got a PO Box now so now I'm legit lol). However, things have been bleeding through my life now that I never knew were there and most of that is....PRIDE. Its funny how growing up, like when we were in school, or if you are in school we are all about pride! Being so proud of our school! Showing school spirit and how we are the best and we are the definition of domination! Its all about who is the best! Maybe in the US today, its all about pride, citizen pride! Being the best! Everything is about being the best! I feel for guys because they have a more pressure than girls to be the best at performance! Society tells guys that they got to be on top. But is that how God expected it to be? Does God call us to, "BE THE BEST!" or "Be Faithful"? Are we suppose to be the best at being faithful? Is there suppose to be a competition between us and our brothers and sisters? I'm telling you, I never realized how much pride I had until I came out here. To make it short, I have been having to depend on Jason and it is not easy. Yes, don't get me wrong, I am SOOO appreciative of that boy and thankful that he is here because I would not be where I am at, however, I have a pride issue of being depenedent. I never knew I had a selfish desire to act like I have it all together. I know at some extent we all do, but God is breaking me of mine. God made the body for a reason. Not to just fellowship and talk about him, but to learn, grow, and help one another. A body functions as one and if we all don't help each other out, we don't move. I'm use to being the one to walk into a room and just connect with everyone, make friends easily. I'm making friends, its just taking slower than I thought. I shouldn't get so depressed over it, thats stupid because things like this take time. I guess God is testing me with my patience, too. But on top of all this, I'm learning so much on how God provides things, on HIS TIMING! I have been hanging out with one of the pastor's wife. They have 3 boys-4,2,and 5 months. They are barely making it with rent, yet, they are willing to give everything they have to help others. The pastor's wife, she is home with those 3 kids everyday while her husband works 3 jobs, and its a lot of work! I give her so much credit. She could easily just give up and tell God, "Forget this! I'm sick of this! I'm done!" But yet she doesn't because she is determined to let the Lord lead and provide. I'm sure it is stressful for them, however, their faith in God is so real and abundant! God is going to bless them. I believe it! Just spending time with that family really calmed me down about finances and having to depend on people. Its how God provides sometimes. I just pray I can get over this pridefulness. I HATE pride. It really destroys you because you become so hard and stubborn that it can stunt your growth in character. I don't know what you are dealing with, but if God wants to work on something with you, yeah, its going to be frustrating, you are going to want to shut down, but if you can bite the bullet and let the pain run off while its hurting, which God will give you strength for if you ask, it will be so worth it. Its really true, no pain, no gain.

So far in Kauai...

Alright! I made it! Here I am! Loving Hawaii for sure! If you know me pretty well, you know that I'm in love with Hawaii and that this is where I always wanted to be! I never knew it would happen so fast! Ok, so here are some updates people! So far, things have been going great, intimidating at times, but good! Jason has been really taking care of me and I'm so thankful for that! I'm staying with an awesome couple, Shannon and Eric, with their 3 kids, Gunnar, Anna, and Hans. They are awesome! And I love my lil room with a bathroom! I led worship at a church up at the North Shore. It is the home church of Bethany Hamilton (Soul Surfer) and her dad was there along with Craig T. Nelson (the guy who plays the Doctor in Soul Surfer and was in Cheers, Coach, the dad from the proposal and family stone I believe). Worship there went well. God just really flowed through my voice! I was nervous but God totally had it! It was so cool, because a lot of people were encouraged by my story moving out here. I'm glad God used that. One lady came up to me and said, "You singing 'Relentless' just gave me the absolute meaning of the gospel of Grace" sooo awesome how God can use us! Then I did my interview at starbucks on Monday. Got it full-time! They were going to start me out part-time but God totally had it work out! So that was soo cool! I start today actually! I'm pumped! Went to the beach yesterday, got some sun! I'm seriously its just so cool to see God's awesome creation through where we live! Yesterday I went to the Relevant's women's bible study and it was awesome. We are going through this book called Radical. Its about what it really means to follow Jesus. How we in the US consider luxuries a lot of times and a necessity. Did you know even a knife and fork is a luxury?? Crazy..I mean here in the US we are considered the wealthiest people on the planet. Even if you are living in your car, you are considered wealthy. Its just here in the US we compare ourselves to everyone else. Seriously, if we could budget things..like let's just say we make 100,000 a year and we know we can live off 20,000 a year...just imagine if we gave the rest away which would be 80,000 what a difference that would make in our world..if we all lived simple. Now, I'm not saying having nice things, or a nice house and all that is wrong, and I'm not just saying to you all but for myself as well, that we should be good stewards of our money, and boy, to I struggle with that. Not that I overly expend but I sometimes can be selfish with it b/c I think of me. Being here has really helped me think about giving. Everyone here in Kauai, we all help each other out. Not worrying about paying back so much. I mean God has really provided a place for me to stay for a month, a car to use for awhile, my awesome friend to help me out, and awesome fellowship to hang out with as well as a full-time job! I'm serious, when God calls you to do something, it may not be easy, but He will help you and provide for you! I'm so stoked to to be here and I think now, after work, I'm hitting up the beach again! Again, if you know me well, I love the beach! Jesus rocks and I just want to encourage you all to step out in faith! Its not easy, its hard, and its scary but once you make up your mind, take that step, he provides you the way to go!

4 days til the Big Move...

Welp, Camfel is done with..been home for awhile..maybe about a month. Haven't really wrote in this blog lately, so I'm getting to start again. For the past month now, God has shown me where He wants me..its pretty obvious He wants me in Kauai. He has been so faithful in providing everything I need. Literally when things look like they are going to fall apart, the next day or even literally within the next hour, its fixed! I'm that type of person where I plan. I also want to be responsible and make sure everything is secure. Well, God sure is taking me on a leap of faith. You know that scene in Indiana Jones, I think its the 3rd one, where he has to go through all these obstacles to get the room of where the cups were and he had to figure out what cup is the cup Jesus used at the last supper? So there is that one part where he has to take "The Leap of Faith" where he is at a cliff and there is nothing connecting him to the other side, but if He has faith He will step onto a bridge that is invisible. Once he takes the leap of faith, believing, He sees the bridge and walks across it. Its all in perception of believing and thats LITERALLY what God is doing to me right now. I can't plan anything. I most likely have this job at starbucks but I don't have a car, I don't have an apartment yet (Though God hooked me up through my friend Jason that I have a place til the end of June), I have never been on this island but thank God He has provided my friend Jason to help me. I am going out to Kauai like blindfolded it seems but I know He is calling me there. The thing is, guys, we all have our different journeys God takes us on. Maybe you don't know if you are on a journey with Him, maybe you know and you are like me and scared, and maybe you seem like things are boring right now or nothing is happening..whatever it is, God has a specific reason for everything that is happening in your life and it all has to do with going deeper in the level of trust with Him, getting to know Him. Shoot, through all this, I'm for sure going deeper and its scary because I don't really have control but thats why we surrender. I know quite a few people think I am crazy to do this, and well, to the world I am. But living a God-filled life, its so opposite to the world where its gunna look crazy and foolish but God is soo good and so faithful. That honestly, living the worldy way, how the world functions and how the world thinks...now that's crazy and that's foolish. I love how Paul talks about being Fools for Christ! I don't remember where it is at, but if anything we should fall for God, not for worldly crap! I just want to encourage you guys, that whether you are facing some tough issue and I know some of you may be facing persecution, I know I have, its all to bring Glory to God and to bring you close to Him. Through this experience thus far, I have been getting to know Jesus soo much more and boy, have I been clinging to him for dear help because I honestly don't know sometimes how I'm going to make it out there financially! However, He calls, He provides, He conquers!! Nothing is too big for Him!

Commit yourselves to the Lord.....

You guys, lets have a chat. I cannot believe how my God has provided for me this past week and has proven His faithfulness! As you know, I've been struggling to get through this job and just trying to be motivated. On top of that, I believe the Lord is calling me to live in Hawaii on the island of Kauai (at least in Hawaii for sure, but it seems to be the island of Kauai). I was so stressed about this job, how things are going to play out in with Kauai and just life in general. The thing is, seriously, when we stress out, when we are anxious and we plan a billion things in our heads, it gets us know where. Now, I'm not saying, don't plan things, because God did give us a mind and skills to plan, however, we should submit our plans to the Lord and be willing to adjust to what He wants! Let me just tell you this! I was praying so hard these days would go by so fast, and let me tell you..THEY DID! A week til I come home! I mean, Linds and I were completely bored these past 4 weeks and they FLEW!! Also, I was so unsure about Hawaii and how everything was going to play out. I was stressed out about it thinking, "Ok, God wants me to go, so I HAVE TO DO IT!" and God's like, "uhh..Jessie? I gotcha..just be obedient chica!" So right when I thought nothing was working out and the verge of feeling hopeless, Starbucks calls to confirm the interview, then instead of ordering my elliptical on the Price Is Right, they give me $2500 in cash!! I was kinda planning on selling it anyways. It was crazy b/c i was wondering..God how am I gunna afford to even start out there! I even wondered what the reasoning was of being on the Price Is Right was anyways! I mean, God totally knows whats up!! I just want to encourage you guys, to "Commit your plans to the Lord and you will succeed"! When we lay down our plans, and say, "God this is yours...if you want this..then let it happen" He lets everything fall into place! Another example! Linds and I were suppose to leave for Cali, today. However, we got scheduled a show here in Mission,TX for monday! We were so mad because it ruined our plans of what we wanted to do. AH-HA!! Commit your plans to the Lord, Surrender, remember that part?!? So we were like Ok, God's got something for this. HE SURE DID!! We are in an awesome hotel that we got pretty cheap with lots of fun things to do this weekend, then we got some awesome hotels on our back to Cali starting Monday and plus..instead of not getting paid wed, thurs, fri...we get paid!!! So Everyone, please, I'm still learning at this, and I guarantee I will fail again, but the Lord is faithful!! So faithful! When we commit ourselves to the Lord, everything works out! Maybe not in the way we want it to, but in the end, its like, WHOA! better than what I had plan! The Lord knows what He is doing, folks! Trust Him!! I"m so blessed to be serving such an amazing God! How He lets me commit myself to Him and He will take care of me! He wants to give us good things, guys! He really does want to bless us, and sometimes we are too stubborn, too picky and we don't know whats good for us! Trust because He loves!!

22 days left!!

So, Linds and I have been in Texas and its been pretty awesome I must say. I never had a desire to come to Texas, but it is really cool! Everyone is so nice and they say, "HOWDY!" haha! I was talking to my grandma (Dad's mom) the other day and I was telling her, "Though this experience has been hard, I'm glad I did this." Yeah, there has been MANY frustrations, No, I probably won't do anything like this again, traveling is intense and tiring. However, God used this hard, desert-like, challenging time in my life for a awesome purpose. Ok, have you ever just felt like you are stuck? Like you almost can't breathe in a situation and you literally can't get out!? You feel just so claustrophobic in the situation you are in that you have no idea how you are going to make it? Yeah, that was me this past semester. However, all of you, and I mean this, when we are weak, God is strong! His strength works best in our weakness. Why?? Because when we are weak, we really realize how weak we are and see how powerful our God is. When we are weak, we are easily at a state where we can humble ourselves. When we come into a situation like this in our lives, its where God gets us on our knees, humbles us, and we are now at a state where we tell him, "Lord, I can't do this without you! I can't breathe, I can't go on, I just can't do this anymore...BUT with your strength, I can continue..so...HELP!!" God loves when we put ourselves in a state where we need help because He's like, "Ok, NOW can I do what I was going to do?!?" LOL. This experience has taught me so much of how God can work through me when I submit. I mean, I have been frustrated about the ministry opportunities on this job, but ya know? My friend Danielle always reminds me, "We can be Jesus without using words." That rings through my mind a lot. I really just want to encourage you all, no matter what you are going through...and I mean NO MATTER WHAT IT IS...death, divorce, relationships crumbling, loneliness, a pet dies (when Molly dies..I will be so sad..Molly is my very old dog), whatever it may be...God can and will help you! Get on your knees, and pray! Nothing is too hard for God! NOTHING! We need to trust everything that happens in our life, and I know divorce, death, is especially not easy, but He has it under control, even when we or others mess up! Jesus loves you so much! You hear me?! You are loved and cared for! And he wants the best for your life, we just have to trust, endure, persevere, and obey! Why don't you just try Jesus? It won't be easy, no, but its SO worth it! And things that are usually hard for us, ends up being worth it. Like working out, which I need to go do! Its hard, but its worth it! Run the race, guys! Seek and never stop!

Desert

So, I realized today, my time is ending here soon...30 days til this adventures of Camfel is over. Ya know, I was thinking, I would've of seen all that I have seen, all I have done, and all the struggles and lessons I learned if God did not provide me this job and take me through this journey. Its crazy how fast this whole year went. I remember training, and getting ready to go, and meeting people. Ya know guys, what we go through, really does make us stronger. We are going to make mistakes, but we learn from them, so no use in beating yourself up. Ha! I learned that one for sure. And when life is hard, and you feel claustraphobic, you feel you want to get out, you wanna quit, don't! I had so many friends, and I thank God for them, that kept encouraging me to keep going with this. I'm not going to lie, traveling all that can be fun, but it also is so hard. However, I needed to go through this. I needed to learn the things I've learned. I needed to be taught the lessons I were taught. You guys, God gave us so much potential in this life, and the key to reaching that potential is trusting Him. We can't do it alone! I have no idea how I lasted this long on this job because, I know this 2nd semester, I wanted to quit so bad, but the support I got from friends, family, and co-workers, God used them to provide support. But most importantly, He spoke to me very clearly! He got me in the desert, where there was no distractions and spoke to me. I needed to be in the desert time, because I cared way to much of what people thought of me and let their input affect my life way too much where God wasn't the number one person in that area. I just want to encourage you, if you are in or about to be in the "desert time" of life, don't be afraid, don't quit. God will give you the perseverance and the absolute strength to get through it and I can testify to this! He has to put us in those times in our life to get our attention, and if we cooperate and are obedient, we will learn SO much. God sees us in a way we could never see ourselves and we have so much potential because of Him. God wants good in our life, but in order to bring good, there will be struggles, there will be trials and storms, but the sun will shine folks! It will! There is a light after every tunnel! Trust Him, He loves you!

Seriously, just pray and trust....part 1

You guys!! Seriously!! God just totally just is amazing!! OK ok, got calm it down..whew!! So, this is the thing...Like God just totally has been rocking my world! I have been reading alot in the Old Testament and I read in Jeremiah, Joel, and Malachi! Seriously, i love that name..Malachi. Sometimes I wanna say Ma-la-chee!! haha! Its more fun that way. Anyways, Anyways, this might be short because honestly the things I wanna say, I can't say right now until I am given permission but the thing is just when I have been feeling so weak, like I can't go on, like I feel so trapped, Jesus pulled through! Dude, the thing is, I know I hear from my Savior! He speaks to us if you are willing to listen. A couple weeks back, I went to hear this guy speak. His name was Tommy..Tommy..umm..I can't remember his last name but he is the lead vocalist for this Christian Screamo band. I don't listen to Screamo music but dude, seriously this guy was SO on fire for Jesus and he said something along the lines of we all can hear from God. We can! And often we pull the crap, "Oh this is probably me" or "I don't if this is me...but" If it lines up with God's truth, if its not speaking of doing sin, its most likely God. I know for me, like there could be 2 choices, and none of them or bad choices but I'm like..uhh...uhh!! and I'm so afraid of making the bad choice, but when we put God first, when we release our will and ask for His, and we surrender, lay ourselves down, we won't pick the wrong one! He never misleads us! He leads!! We just have to surrender what we want, and focus on what we want! I think I finally understood that aspect ya know? UGH! JESUS IS SO AMAZING! He's so real guys!! His love is SO real! Ok, part 2 of this...I can reveal everything, but right now I can't! but there's a lil word for ya! LOVE YOU AND JESUS LOVES YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How God encourages...

I have been reading in Jeremiah, now. Lately, I just have been reading the Bible because of a few reasons: One, because it is good to get poured into and read God's words..that's God's book of Truth! Two, because I find so much comfort in it and it helps me get through this semester, and Three, because I want to read something during the shows to make them go fast because I have seen Dare To Move 18 million times! (Just being honest) Anyways, Jeremiah is known as the "weeping prophet" because he had so much compassion and empathy for Jerusalem and Judah who turned away from God. Jeremiah tells the people of Israel that if they do not turn to their God and repent, God will destroy them. Well, the selfish people we are, they don't listen to Jeremiah. In fact, they plot to kill him. Jeremiah, talks to God about why they are doing this and that this is hard. Ok, right there, I can somewhat relate to Jeremiah. I mean, I know I'm not most likely to die during this job, nor do I have anyone plotting to kill me that I know of, but it can be really discouraging, sad, hard, when you see people everyday that do not know the Lord nor wish to follow Him. Maybe I"m the "weeping tech". LOL. I just go to these schools all the time, hoping that I will have an encounter and SOO bad I just want to say in that microphone "JESUS LOVES YOU! Come to Him for eternal life, which is life that is way better than this one! you will live forever, you have life even after death! What a reward and privilege it is to follow our Lord! How you will experience His unfailing love!" Something like that. Reading in Jeremiah, just has given me hope and comfort to know, that I am going somewhere with God. That though, there may not be a response, I'm making myself available to the lost. So so so, this is the good part! Today, another tech, Kelly, and I went to a school in Hollywood and well it was the same school that they film Glee! Ugh, so you could imagine how excited I was! I got to see the gym and football field where they film the shots! Also the steps where they sang "Empire state of mind"! So cool! Well, anyways, today I just told the kids that, "You are worth something! You're life you are living is worth it!" and I invited anyone who wanted to talk to come! So, this high school girl came over to me and told me that her cousin died 4 years ago and has not seen the grave. There is a scene in Dare To Move (the show we put on) that a kid goes to visit his brother's grave. She asked if she could go and see it. I told her that if that is something she needs to do in order to help cope, then yes. However, inside of me, I wanted to tell her about God, how He is the God of all comfort! So I said it! I said something like, "Well, I am in a Christian and the God I serve comforts me anytime and especially with these types of things. We don't know why things happen sometimes, but I know I can find hope and trust in Jesus. He totally understands and he can help you! I will pray for you and I encourage you to pray as well to Him. He will listen and help you!" She said that she is a Christian but wasn't sure if her cousin was and I said, "Well, God is the ultimate judge. Wherever your cousin is, you have to move on with your life..and God will help you." I said some other things that I can't remember and I probably repeated myself because I got really nervous, but it was SOOO cool!! I just praised the Lord that I had an opportunity to speak His name! Jesus rocks you guys! I just love Him so much!! More and more He reveals Himself to me. He is the Love of my life!

The cost....

So, I have been reading in Luke and really trying to understand what it means to follow Jesus. I mean seriously, our Lord is intense! When he means give up everything and follow Him, like, we have to be willing to let go of anything! I was reading how many men were like, "Well, let me do this first..or I got do this one thing and then I will come." How often, when Jesus calls us to do something, we are like, "Well, I need to have my coffee in the morning, so I will fast after that." or "Well, I know you want me to get out of this relationship, but now isn't the right time." We make excuses so easily because we want the sacrifice to be comfortable. I know, I'm guilty of it,too! I ain't righteous, that's for sure. Not on my own! I know there has been times, because I care to much what people will think, when God tells me to do something and I put it off because I"m scared of what people will think or say. The thing is, we can't be afraid of going after our passions or the calling, or the demands the Lord has called us to do! Obedience is much greater than sacrifice. I'm not saying sacrifice is wrong, and sometimes we sacrifice something in replace of something we are really called to sacrifice, just to make ourselves feel better. Its like this, for example, maybe you want to fast something, but instead of fasting your desired love for chocolate, you sacrifice, watermelon. You like watermelon, but chocolate is FAVORITE! The thing is, that might of been a crappy example, we need to be willing to step out of our comfort zones. So often guys, I make excuses to try and come home. Yeah, I'm sick of traveling. I wanna do something new. I want to work with students so bad and share Jesus with them..I'm not going to lie, I am over this job. HOWEVER, God has me here right now..I pray I can go home soon, but I have to endure this time. I have to sacrifice my self comfort, for doing His will. And those of you who know me, I do have a hard time being away from home. However, I made it this far, and by the grace of God I have made it this far. Either your struggling like me, enduring a season where God wants you, or you're afraid of taking the next step (which will be me soon after this job), or you feel like life is just blah right now and you have no idea what or where God wants you. Its ok to feel those things, but its not ok to obey the way we feel. Ask God where He wants you, be willing to put aside fear and selfish motives. Its not easy guys, I know. However, the Lord is SOO good and He has a purpose for our lives. EVERYTHING we go through is for a reason and it will be used to bring us to the next step! We are maturing in our relationship with Jesus. Yes, in life we are going to fail, we are going to be afraid, but DON'T let that stop you! Trust the Lord your God! It may seem risky but it is milk and honey in the end!!

How much longer??

Today has been kinda rough. Linds and I are in San Fran for the weekend, which is nice, but man, wanting to be home is hitting again. To be honest, I just miss my family, my friends. I miss going out with my friends on the weekends, having my own room, and just being a bit more stable. Traveling like this gets so tiring and a bit frustrating. I know God has done alot of growing and strengthening with me, but man, today, I just feel so depressed and just hopeless. I have been reading in 1 Samuel, acutally just finished the book today. I HIGHLY recommend reading this book! I believe God wanted me to read it to be encouraged by David's life. David remained faithful to God whatever the circumstance was. Poor kid, he was always traveling because he was running from Saul. David was a man after God's own heart and he did whatever the Lord wanted him to do. He would wait upon the Lord. Saul however was not. He made haste decisions based off how he saw the circumstance rather than trusting in God which then he disobeyed God so many times then would make excuses for himself. Saul made decisions off the impulses of his anxiousness and impatience rather than waiting upon God. How often do we do that? I know I've done it before! I almost did last saturday! I almost quit this job. I knew God wanted me to stay but I was so frustrated because I really wanted him to tell me it was ok to do so, but the thing is He has a plan! Thanks to Him on sunday he spoke clearly to me in the car and in church, minded 2 good friends of mine who encouraged me to stick it out. I know, its hard. We so often look at our circumstance and how hard or complicated or distraught it looks and we act off what we see, rather than just conversing with God and waiting upon Him to help us. Yes, right now, as I'm typing this, I feel distraught, hopeless, and just depressed. However, I'm trying to get myself to know that this is all gunna be worth it. Its like that song, "I don't understand Your ways, but Oh that I will give you my heart, give you all of my praise....its gunna be worth it." I'm trying to be like David, and just endure the circumstances around me because the Lord is my strength and if He brought me to this, He will get me through it! So often, and I"m one of them, we wanna skip to the next step when one step is hard. But the thing is, if we skipped to the next step instead of doing this step, we aren't prepared for the next step because the step we should take now, will prepare us for the next. Ugh, Lord please help me! Sometimes, I have no idea how I'm going to do this til the end, but I know I'm going to look back at this and Praise the Lord He has brought me through it! :)I love Jesus so much!!!

Mountains and Valleys

We often say in life that there is mountains and valleys. Sometimes we are on top of the mountain, other times we are way low in the valley. No matter what though, God is faithful in humbling us when we are on the top of the mountain and uplifting us when we are low in the valley. As it is in nature, in order to get to the top, we start in the valley...but when we climb, and we never give up, we will reach the top. Starting Camfel, I felt like I was at the top! I felt like I was on top of the mountain! God has blessed me with an awesome job, awesome friends, tour partner, a boyfriend, and income. Seriously, I thought life was going pretty well. I did miss my friends from back home, however, I felt pretty good. Then the valley hit. I broke up with the boyfriend, the job was getting harder and more frustrating, people got upset with me, and after a nice, thankful, awesome Christmas break with being reunited with my awesome friends and family, I did not want to come back. So many times Linds and I wanted to quit. We were so frustrated and just thought we had no purpose in this job. We felt left out, in useless, and just so weak, lonely. This past weekend, I thought for sure I was out. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to leave. I wanted my friend Jeff to tell me I could quit so bad. However, Jeff was speaking, it was God. Then at church, God spoke the same thing again. He told me, "Jessie I'm breaking you to transform you! You always pray to be transformed! This time, its a big turning point!" I got this vision of that I was a lego pieces..all broken and then God rebuilding me! He said, "Jessie, I will never leave you nor forsake you! I'm with you no matter what!" In church we sang "Desert Song". I broke when in the bridge it says, "All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing! I have a reason to worship!" God is God no matter what I"m going through and I have a reason to keep rejoicing! My joy is God! So then Linds and I, as a pity treat, go to Tutti Frutti (amazing AH-mazing!! Frozen yogurt place) and both belted out we could not quit. Linds's dad was used by God to speak His words in a facebook message and it was soo good! The thing is, guys, we are going to have moments of mountains and valleys. Its good to be humbled when we are on top, and be lifted up during those times, but its also good to be weak, and feel like there is nothing you can do, so that Jesus can uplift you! His power works best in our weakness! Now, Linds and I, both decided to praise Him and have a better attitude! This is a season for us, and God is transforming us and teaching us! I've learned so much about myself, relationships, and knowing Him during this job! Again, my life is to Know Him and Make Him Known! I am here to be a domino in someone's life as well..maybe a student...and I will proclaim Christ! However that looks, I will do what the Lord tells me to, to minister..even if it is asking, "Do you know Jesus?"

Don't just read, DO!!

Hey guys! First off, thanks so much for reading my blogs! I hope this really encourages you guys, and the Lord speaks to you through them, and that its put to good use and bring glory to Jesus. This week has been super tiring. Do you ever have those weeks where you just wanna sleep? That's like all you wanna do? I'm sure you have. Linds and I have been getting up like so early like 4:30-5am early. I mean, I know that might be normal for some people, but if you have a normal 8am job, I would be up by like the earliest 6:30am. Anyways, I dunno, guys..I'm just starting to really just get over this job. Besides, this job just is not challenging (like mentally and physically) and that it can be boring, I'm struggling the fact that I can't reach these kids to Jesus. I mean, I'm really starting to question why we do what we do. I mean yeah, I understand I can't say in a microphone "JESUS LOVES YOU!" nor can I even say His name, but if I feel led to say to a student while tearing down, "Jesus loves you" or if the conversation is going that way and the Lord puts it on my heart, I"m sorry but I AM NOT going to deny Christ! I'd rather get fired, then pass an opportunity of a student knowing the Lord! I guess, I"m just kind of struggling with all this. I know in a school you can't force "religion" or whatever, but if we just get in a convo, or whatever, I'm going to be obedient. I will not deny Christ. Yea, the school trusts us to come and not say anything..yeah publicly,I understand that, and I will abide by that, however, if I'm off the stage, like tearing down, and I feel led to, I will. I love Jesus so much! I am on this earth to know Him and make Him known. This is what I thought my job was about, but I haven't been being obedient to that. Jesus says, "if you deny me, I will deny you before my Father!" The thing is guys, we just don't read Scripture, we just don't "study" Scripture, we DO scripture!! Francis Chan put it this way, when we are asked to something whether at work, home, or whatever, we don't go back to that person and say, "Hey, I memorized what you said. I even did a bible study on what it would look like if I did what you said." but we don't do it. I"m pretty sure we would get fired from that job, or be in trouble. However, Jesus asks us to do things yet we just memorize it or do a study on it! We NEED TO DO IT! I'm sick of just being so scared and not doing things because of what other people will think or do! If God is for me, who can be against me? What can man do to me if I have Jesus?! We need to live out our faith, not just read about it and study it. Those are important, but living it is SO much more! We need to apply it! That's where I'm at guys. Just frustrated...but seeking the Lord and getting courage! I will live to make Him known! I may fail at times, but I have Him to keep moving me forth! LOVE JESUS!!

from the "bleh" to the "OH YEAH!"

So guys, as you know, I was struggling for awhile with just the job, decisions, and you know...just typical life struggles. Well, as faithful as our Lord Jesus is, because He is SUPER awesome, He just blessed me this week, so undeservingly. Let me break it down...so Friday night, Linds and I went to Fresno,CA to sleep over at my friend's house, Becca. It was SOO good because she was someone I went to school with at Bethel, and it was nice to see someone from home. So that was good to chill with her! She even made me waffles! My Fav! In case you didn't know, I love WAFFLES!! yum yum! Especially with yogurt on top! If you haven't tried it, TRY IT BEFORE YOU DIE!! So, good..I know its in heaven! Anyways, so this week was kinda tough starting out. Sunday I just took a Sabbath day just me and Jesus. Grocery shopping and laying out. Then me and another tech, Tiff, went on a walk and it was solid because God used her to speak alot of truth. I do complain about being home alot but Tiff was like, "Jessie, you are here now, so how will you take advantage of that time!?" and after some intense talk...I was convicted. God wants me here, for now, and I need to serve Him and make the most of it. I mean my favorite verse is Ephesians 5:16 "Make the most of every opportunity!" So today, Linds and I were at a school and I was just feeling that urge to tell kids, "HEY JESUS LOVES YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!! AHHH!" So anyways, after my conclusion, I said, "Hey if you guys wanna chat, feel free to come down! I'd love to talk to you!" So 2 girls came down and said, "So when was this about bullying?" I didn't really understand the question but I told them a few more since this one has been on it. They seemed like they wanted to open something up to me but I didn't pressure them. The convo got quiet but I got so excited they came to talk I probably sounded like an idiot! So I asked them what High school they were gunna go to and what they see themselves doing. One girl didn't know, but the other wanted to be a performing arts major and do dance! It was so and they were so excited to tell me about it! I was so over-joyed I got to talk to some students! I miss it!! So God just totally made my day sending those 2 girls to talk to me. Then tearing down the equipment we had 3 boys help us, Carlos, Jose, and Alejandro! Awesome guys! We chatted a bit while tearing down but after they asked if I'd shoot some hoops with them..so I did, while Linds go the car. And as we loaded up, I just nonchalantly said, "Hey guys thanks so much! Jesus loves you!" They didn't say anything but just were so happy a shot some hoops with them! Dude, this is what its about, man!! I don't care! I wanna tell people bout Jesus! Not force them on it, but if the opportunity is there, and God tugging on my heart..I'm gunna do it!! I'd rather lead someone to Christ then be too scared to think what people will think or get in trouble! Its worth it! I was so happy to meet those students and it just warmed my heart today to have that opportunity! Carlos, kept calling me teacher, and I told him, "dude, call me Jessie" and he said, "well you taught us about this stuff!" and I said, "yeah thats true.."But I was thinking, dude, you got an awesome Teacher you could meet..His name is Jesus and He will rock your world when you meet Him!! OH YEAH!! Boo-ya!