When God "unloads"...

Do you ever just feel like you are learning so much in your life? Its like this feeling like you constantly think "oh yeah!" or "ah ha!" or "wow!! Ok, thats a thing I need to apply in my life" where its back to back and you feel like you can't keep up!? well my friends, you are not alone! I feel like this has been my season since August 7th when I left for Cali to start this job! I've been learning so much on how to love others, not judging, patience, stepping out my comfort zone, all that! Honestly, its like I have a new perspective on life, on God's grace! It seems like everything I was learning inside the "Bethel bubble" (those of you that go to Bethel know what I mean, its pretty much a bubble where you are surrounded by bros and sis's that believe the same thing you do and its like a "safe place", which is good, but also can make you sheltered). I've had an amazing summer with friends and we diligently were seeking after the Lord and now all that I attained is challenged! Let me tell you, we need to be challenged in order to grow! We need those "storms in life" in order to become a stronger person! Its like this: In order for plants to grow, they need the rain, they need the storm. After the storm, the sun comes out, and the plants grow! They become more colorful, taller, healthier! The joy is the sun after those storms of trials! There is JOY in every trial! We are the plants, when we go through times that are challenging, we can know the suns gunna come out..the joy is about to come and we become taller, stronger, colorful..we become more like Christ! The process of photosynthesis is like God's grace..we need that to become stonger, colorful, taller! When we go through trials, it bring perseverance, character, and then hope (Rom.5:3). God's grace is so sufficient. Its not about what the trial is, its about how we respond to the trial! We can overcome it with our Spirit God has placed in us! We are at battle, guys! Everyday when you wake up, its war..war between your flesh and your spirit! Like I said in my last blog, the spirit can fight off the flesh, if you side with the Spirit! I always thought I guess for along time that God was this "Big man upstairs" watching us and if we do wrong, he is gunna smite me with the mighty thunderbolt! Umm..he's not Zeus! He's the Alpha and the Omega, Yahweh, a Loving Father, Savior, King! He's there to pick us up when we sin. When we come, sit on his lap, confess our sins, open our hearts, he shows mercy, he shows compassion, he picks us up, puts the bandage on and kisses us on the forehead and says, "I love you, kid!" Its a hard concept to understand because we either, if you are like me, we sulk in our sin we committed, or we don't come before the Father thinking, "eh, he wont catch it" either one, we need to know who are Lord is, and he's a forgiving Father! There's nothing we can hide from him! so I encourage you guys, to know that, its not about how "perfect" you handle the trial, its where your heart is at, your attitude, your response! Seek him in the trial! He will show you, even when you mess up, He will know where your intentions lie! He shows us mercy, because we are not perfect..and with mercy..he gives us grace! Therefore, we should show mercy towards others, no matter how they wronged us, because we all wronged people in our life, we all need mercy! Yes, we are all stupid and mess up! But through God, we become stronger followers! Keep the faith guys! Run hard after Christ. Love on Him, fall in love with Him, spend time with Him! Be the follower that is right behind him, not the one either gettin distracted, trying to keep up, or the one in the back of the line, ready to ditch when he's not looking! Seriously, the more you get to know Christ, the more you'll fall in love! Go Jesus..mmm...so good!

suffering produces perseverance, character, hope...

To be blunt, God is really testing me and strengthening me...and to be honest..its bittersweet. Its really hard sometimes because I get to a point where its this fork in the road and I"m not sure what to do! I realized in my life how often I run to people instead of God. People can't handle the problems, only God! Yes, we can go to each other for advice, yes we can pray and be there for that person but honestly, people can't fix your problems..only God! I feel like God is stripping away every "lifeline" I use to have when I got that "fork in the road" situation going on. I"m learning so much of what it means to have PATIENT ENDURANCE. Do you know what that means? Well, God has been showing me that, when you want to lose it, or you want to judge someone, or you want do something out of your own fleshly desires (sinful desires) you have the STRENGTH not to do it! You endure the suffering that your flesh (the sinful nature) puts on you because you resist it! Think of it this way...your climbing a mountain and all of a sudden you cut your leg really bad..you're bleeding and you can't stand the pain..you feel like you can't go on..BUT YET, you are determined to get back to the camp to get morphine and bandages because the pain is SO intense. You are SO anxious to reach back to camp, but you have to go through the suffering of getting back to the camp with a leg bleeding and hurting so bad, but you have the determination to get back..otherwise..you'll bleed to death! The thing is, what i"m trying to say (not sure if that example helped), when are flesh is fighting against us, we have to fight back with our spirit! We have to keep going no matter how much our fleshly desires want us to sin! The thing we have to remember most, CLAIM THIS AND CLING TO IT: "God has given everything we need for living a godly life" (1 Peter 1:3). So therefore.. YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU! (phil 4:13) No matter how bad your flesh wants to fight back! You can beat it with the spirit God has given you! "Supplement faith with generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with PATIENT ENDURANCE, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection and brotherly affection with love for everyone!" (1 Peter 1:5-7). I"m serious guys! Please, we are all on the same team! We are all after one goal and that is being with Jesus! whats the purpose?? The purpose is to be with Him forever, to live as we were called to live. We want to be victorious! and we can only do that with Christ! So how do we train?? Its like a sport..you want to win right? you want to be good at what you do right?? so what do you do? You Train! You discipline yourselves..you run laps, you lift weights, you eat right! Same with this Christian race, we resist temptation, we get rid of things that are binding us down, things we are controlled by, ungodliness, we seek the Lord! I encourage you with this because I"m going through it and I'm up against something that I do not know what the Lord wants me to do in this situation...I can see the good, but I can see the hinderance! keep running the race guys!! Keep training, keep running with a purpose, and believe you are running for the goal..JESUS!!

Jesus Time is SOO good....

So this morning, I woke up at 8am, though we don't have to leave until 11am, to have some Jesus time. I have been pretty frustrated and well, who better to go to then God himself, who understands! So this morning, I had some breakfast, read in 1 John. Feeling, like, "Ugh, I just need to get away!" I went outside and sat somewhere where I was completely secluded. I just talked to God out loud, because I have to do that, lol, and told him everything that I'm feeling and asking Him for strength to have a good attitude. The thing is He spoke to me to continue to love and to me I'm always scared of getting walked over, but he told me that Jesus got walked over when he was accused for something He didn't do, but he knew the purpose of why He was going through it. Same with me! IT was SOO cool! God took me to Psalm 35 and its exactly what I'm going through. The same thing David did with fasting, I did! It was SOO cool! Though, I feel like I can do nothing any more about a situation, God told me to constantly look to Him..to speak when I'm spoken to and do that in a non-harsh way. Even if its nodding my head, or a simple, "yes". To continue to focus on him, and pure in the situation. Seriously guys, when we are in situations in our lives that seem way over our heads, when we have done everything we can in our power to do the right thing, remain faithful to God, as HARD as it is, continually follow what He tells us to do..and love! Not that you have to be fake, but to not seek revenge, or be mean, just simply love. What I mean by simply, is show respect. The thing is, even though it may seem God is silent or absent in the situation, he is TOTALLY there working in the situation and we HAVE to believe it! There is a reason for everything and even when it turns our differently than we thought, we have to trust He is doing something and BELIEVE me, I can totally see what He is doing with me, and there may be more that I don't know until later! So be encouraged out there..God works out everything for the good for those who love Him! Amen!

middle of no where..but awesome kids!

So, today we were in West Liberty,KY which is in the mountains in the middle of no where! So we arrive at our middle school for the day and the contact person, the person we meet with at the schools, gives us a great big hug! I was like "shaweet!" i like hugs! She was super helpful and bubbly! She sent some 7th graders to help us set-up. The two boys I got to really have a cool convo with is Hasten and Jacob. They were 2 football players. Hasten was tiny and small and Jacob was short and chubby! Awesome, AWesome kids! Hasten helped me set-up speakers and tape the cords down. He was SOO eager to help! He told me that he plays football and how they were undefeated until yesterday..poor guy! Then Jacob came up to us and asked if he could hang out and help us tear down after the shows..OF COURSE!! Hasten and Jacob sat with me the whole time!!They loved "Dare to Move" and Jacob was a big Eminem fan. He told me how his house got burnt down and had to live in a hotel for 3 months. He said that because a girl in the video had to do that because mold was growing in their house. He also felt bad because he knows some kids with epilepsy and in the video 2 kids talk about how they are teased because they have epilepsy. It was soo cool to hear these 2 boys comment! Hasten and Jacob helped a little bit tearing down but they had to go! Bummer! But It was so cool to have encouraged these 2 boys and they encouraged me! Hasten was just excited I think for someone to hear him out!The contact person told us how 78% of those kids in the school live below the poverty line and how most of them our involved with illegal prescription drug use either them or their parents..its sad bc these kids either go home to an empty house or to a house where the parents are passed out from drugs. My heart breaks for these kids today. But with these opportunities to pour into students... I LOVE MY JOB!!! God is soo good! Even when difficult days come, God is still able to provide opportunities!! I dont let anything hold me back and its amazing how God worked with me through that! I'm here to live for Him!! Seriously..give God 110% of your day..and see what He does!! Just keep your eyes on him and nothing else...you can't go wrong..even when other things around you seem messed up..you are still filled with joy..those other things dont bother you!!

Georgia was AMAZING and a blessing!

So, last blog I wrote on Wednesday...funny how God works! As you can see in the last blog, I was feeling really lonely! Wanting to fellowship and have fun with people and be around people! Well...God is SOOOO faithful you guys!! Like, seriously! PLEASE, we often underestimate Him so much at times!! Bri and I had to do a show in Jonesboro,GA which is just south of Atlanta. We arrive at the church, thinking this will just be a typical set-up! Well, we had TON of high school boys come help us set-up so we had like a 20 min. set up! Then the pastor asked if we would like to share our stories of how we got into Camfel. So Bri and I shared our stories. Then afterwards, we had a ton of kids come up and talk to us bout how they liked the show and about Camfel. Well, then the pastor, invited us to go to whats called "Truett's grill" which is chik-fil-a but a special kind! We went thinking, ok, we dont know anyone! DUDE!!!! before you know it, we were there for like 2 or 3 hours chatting it up with high school and college students..FELLOWSHIPPING!! We had some awesome convos about where God has taken us in our lives, music, and just stuff in general! We are even facebook friends with these people!! I was SOOO blessed by their fellowship last night, Bri and I didn't want to leave!! SERIOUSLY!! Praise our Awesome Dad, our HEavenly father who hears all prayers!!! He knew what I needed! He heard my cry!!! And he answered!! THE LORD IS FAITHFUL EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT!!! It was so amazing you guys!! I could not believe he did it that fast!!! Amen!! whoo hoo!! Keep following Him guys!! seriously, even when it seems impossible, the Lord makes all things possible! AHHH!! I LOVE JESUS! HE IS SOOOO GOOD!!! TOO GOOD! AHHH!!

..and maybe i miss home....

Well, God has been certainly doing A LOT with me on this job. I was able to talk to a student yesterday where we were in Brentwood,TN. He was telling me how his dad lives in California. I could tell there was some hurt there, just by the way his tone of voice was and his body language. It was cool because God told me I would be given a word to know exactly how to pray for a student. I'm pretty sure this kid's parents are divorced and is pretty broken up about it. I'm so excited to be able to be a prayer warrior in these kids' lives on the road, as well as ministering to them. God has definitely been preparing me.
Its been a bit hard, though. The past 2 days or so, I just have been feeling..maybe homesick I guess. Its more, I think loneliness. I miss hanging out in big groups! I'm an extrovert and so being in big groups, mingling, is what I do! Well, life on the road, you don't get that too much. Its pretty much you and your partner. Yesterday, I was thinking about my life in college. I was always doing something, always hanging out with people, always social. Even this summer, I was always with my family or friends. In Cali, for training, our whole Camfel team were tight! We hung out all the time. Now, its just..its hard! I miss fellowship! I miss hanging out, having meals together, laughing. Yesterday, Bri and I went shopping here in Marietta, GA (just outside Atlanta) and I think I got so desperate that I talked to pretty much every worker in the stores we went to. I miss my life at home, just being social and always hanging out. I miss my home because I would wake-up every morning and chat with my grandma for a couple hours. I miss hanging with my dad and stepmom, watching movies and playing the Wii with my lil bro Everett. I miss my mom and all my friends! i guess I'm struggling with a bit of loneliness on the road because I miss community.
I know God has me in this for a reason, and i know at least one it is to bring me closer to Him. I know this is all to make me stronger. Its just that I think I get freaked out sometimes thinking.."I miss being with people..how much longer can I take??" I was fine until just maybe yesterday. I know I can do this, its just hard sometimes I think. I guess I'm just getting attacked...spiritual warfare. If you think about it, pray for me. Some of you might be able to relate to this. But we need to persevere, we need to see this thing as an opportunity, a growing experience, rather than a negative, hard battle. Its a challenge! I know God's got out backs...He is teaching us something and we might not see it crystal clear yet..but I"m gunna look back on this one day and be say, "OH! Thats why!"

hard week to relaxation

I"m telling you, we had some of the worse scenarios in kentucky. i just don't get it! Haha, Bri and I pretty much want nothing to do with Kentucky. But in those times, boy, has God taught me alot...patient endurance for sure! This weekend was pretty nice. I got to just chill and watch the ND game...which man, bummer they lost! But they put up a good fight! MI really got nothing on us! LoL. Anyways, I'm really learning alot on this job...I'm really seeing a mirror image of who I use to be. My desire is to be constantly transformed by God...sanctification. Touring has been so interesting, and the people God is putting in my path, He has been using to shape me. I really see how judgmental I was, even in this summer. I am so in awe of how people's relationship with God is not this particular formula. Its a unique, intimate, personal relationship that we each have with our Creator! Holy Crap! I'm really grasping the concept that God does not expect us to perform for Him, but for Him to work through us. Just to let you know, we all suck at life. We need God! We are gunna fail, we are going to mess up! And my problem was is I would beat the crap out of myself when I would mess up. I wouldn't wanna get up. I would just wanna sulk in my own self-pity, thinking I was never good enough. This morning, I had such an encouraging conversation with my boyfriend. He really understands that its not about performing but just loving God and living life to the fullest. Yeah, we are gunna mess up, but the thing is, we get back up! We can't just sulk. We can't live in shame because that's a false reality. God has called us to live a life of freedom! I love the Lord, and because I love him, I want to obey Him. However, in order to obey Him, I need his grace! I can't depend on myself to live this "perfect performance of a life"! I'm serious people! God is opening my eyes like none other! I don't want to go back to that person where I worried about everything! Anxiety ruled my life and it no longer will have a hold on me! Anxiety is not living a life of freedom! Now, I'm not saying to pull the "sin now, ask for forgiveness later" deal because we are not to abuse God's grace. I am such a "black and white" person where I think Christians should have the same opinions and agree on everything..ok, yes, maybe in a perfect world. However, we dont live in one. Even as Christians, we have our own opinions of how things are, but one thing we do share is that we are saved by the blood of Jesus and we are living a life towards the same goal! Yes, they're might be some different opinions like.."In order to receive the Holy Spirit, you must speak in tongues", for example...well I dont know..but just because someone doesn't or does believe that doesn't mean they are not Christian. I struggled with the Catholic Church for a long time because i thought they are were leading people astray and yeah, we can be able to see things that our unbiblical in certain areas of any religion..however, i know they're are people out there who do have a personal relationship with Christ, such as my Mom. She is catholic and believes in the catholic rituals, however, she does have a relationship with God. Who am I to judge beyond the Almighty!?! Oh man, I"m glad God broke me of this. I had no clue! I just want to encourage you out there, to really ask God for His eyes, to see people as He sees them! We are so quick to judge off our lil pea brains compared to God's! Ya'll rock and God is good! If you don't know Him, you should! He is an awesome Father, an awesome Friend, an awesome Counselor, an awesome "everything you need" and nothing will satisfy you more than a relationship with Him!! Amen!

Epic Tuesday!

Wow!! Let me tell you, challenges do come along and, boy, do we need endurance from the Lord for them! Today, we had a show in Miamisburg, OH at an elementary school, then from there we headed and now are in Frankfort, KY. We arrived at our Days Inn hotel, peaceful and so happy to be able to take a nap! However, when I run out to Tiny Tim (Yes, we named our van because it is tiny compared to the others and it had a "gimp" (aka..nail in tire) when we first got it) to try to get my luggage, the back of the van would not open! What!?! Why, you ask!?!? I'll tell you the reason, hang in there! So I grab Bri and we try opening it. We call Andrew, our boss, to let him know whats up and we decide to call triple A. No luck, the guy didn't even try! He just looked at the van and was like, "Can't help ya!" So we decided to try a Ford dealership (Tiny Tim is a Ford Transit). "Umm..we are closing, sorry!" they say. Are you kidding me?!? So we try one 12 miles down the road. "Yeah, we close in 10 minutes. sorry!" they say. What?! Come on! You are suppose to be open til like 6pm, granted its only 4:45pm. So we call Andrew and we are trying to call locksmiths around town. I get a hold of "pop-a-lock"..yeah, the lady couldn't even understand me nor knew what she was doing. Andrew told Bri and I to hang tight. So, we decided to go to our favorite place that always makes us feel better know matter what...DQ!! We sat down, got some ice creams, trying to figure out what to do. Bri is smiling and making faces at this baby then I decide to ask, what looked like to be the mom of the baby and the grandpa, if there were any locksmiths around. They said no but to try the police department! Granted, we were praying over the lock, praying over the car, asking Jesus to help us! So we decided to head to the police department, praying this would work. We arrive there and the place looked kinda sketch, but we were determined! The front-desk lady sends out the policeman and he tries using rods and all kinds of gadgets to get this thing open...no luck. So then officer James comes and takes a look, while a 3rd policeman joins them. They are astonished how our wooden shelves were put together (there was no way to get from the front of the van to the back because we had a wooden shelving unit). Officer James gets a drill and we all decided to take the whole shelving unit apart. To make along story short, we drilled for hours because, seriously, that van prolly had 200 screws in it! Then finally we see that a speaker was caught on the lock that jammed the door that we can not open. So then officer James, being a blessing sent from Jesus, redesigned our shelving unit and by the time it was all done, it was 8:00pm...considering we started this at 2:30pm! So, yes, you will have bad days..and me being on the road, loving my job, still has bad days. HOWEVER, when we trust in the Lord, when we remain faithful and know that He will help us, even when it doesn't seem like it..you get a whole new shelving unit! Officer James was a blessing to us because he helped us figure out the problem and did not leave our side! AND..his shelving unit is even better than the one we had before! So be encouraged out there!! You never know how God works..and yes, he works in unexpected, strange, and ways we think are horrible..but they end up being HUGE blessings! Crazy day, but God always remains faithful!!!

Chill weekend...Labor Day

Well, I'm here, resting in Middletown,OH just between Cincinnatti and Dayton. Friday we had 2 schools to do..a middle school and a high school. I had a rough morning because I was questioning where everything was going in my life, this job, my relationships, why I'm even doing this job. Set-up at the first school (Middle school) was frustrating because I could not the projection line-ups correctly and when other things are on your mind, its hard to focus. We had some 8th grade boys helped us pack up, which they did awesome! Then we went to the high school. We had about an hour to spare so I went to have some God time in solitude. Its amazing how, though we feel like God isn't there or He's not listening to us, He is there and He is listening us. He does hear our cries for help! When we went into the High School, a student Ben helped me set up and tear down. You could tell he just wanted someone to listen to him. He was a cross country and track runner. So we both shared our experiences with cross country. You could tell when a big crowd came, he was intimidated and would back-off. I think the kid is unsure where he fits in. I'm glad God gave me an opportunity to talk to him. Though it wasn't about salvation or sharing the gospel, i shared Jesus in a way that God gave me the grace to show this kid that I care and that God cares. Then through that, God reminded me why I'm doing this job. He wants me to reach youth! He wants me to reach people for the glory of Him so that all may come to know Him. I feel like everything I have ever known is being challenged during this job. I'm really starting to have a broken heart for people wherever they are at in their life. I use to be so judgmental towards people thinking, "oh! they have to be just like me if they are to follow Christ." But the cool thing is, God put a guy in my life who challenges me. He sees things in the light of God's grace and sees people with compassion on them like God does. I struggle with thinking that I have to be all on top of it. Its all up to me! Yes, we should strive perfection. Yes we should not abuse grace and just give into sin. However, we should love on God and bask in His grace, let Him work through us to live a godly life. The scripture that I keep coming to is Romans 9:30-32, "Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God's standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place. But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting Him." Its by FAITH that we are saved NOT PERFECTION!! I was and am struggling with being like the people of Israel. I think that I have to earn God's grace still! The thing is, when we just love God, our hearts change where you automatically want to do God's will. Jesus says, "If you love me, you'll obey me" When you love someone, you don't want to hurt them on purpose, though we will at times, we don't want to..same with God! No, you are not going to be perfect and God knows that. However, when we approach the throne in humility and confess our sins, we are forgiven! Jesus is not expecting us to perform...chill out, you are accepted. However, Jesus wants you to experience a love that this world can never offer! Something beyond human understanding. And its the most amazing, restful, peaceful thing anyone could ever experience! When we just love God, our eyes, our hearts, and our minds transform into His and we begin to see things from God's perspective (Ezekiel 37:25-27). I always thought that life has to happen in this "formulaic" way and God does not work that way..he works in many different ways..and in the ways we need them! I never knew I was such a judgmental person and God TOTALLY clarified I was. I pray this encourages you and helps you know that you are loved and accepted by the God who created this universe and has a love for you that is beyond imaginable! GIGATT! (God is good all the time ;) )

kenosha,WI show!

The show went great yesterday! We did 3 showings of "Dare to Move" to 6th,7th, and 8th graders! Though we didn't get started til 45min after we were suppose to, we had time to spare because Bri and I dominated in setting up fast! The schools was SO humid inside. Bri and I sweated SO much! But as long as the shows went great, we were happy!
Kenosha was so much fun! My amazing boyfriend, Cameron, and his partner Anthony ended up having a show in kenosha as well. So, Bri and I stayed at the same hotel they did. They were 3 doors down! It was so good to just chill and see a team from Camfel! After our show was over that day, Cameron and Anthony surprised us at our school to help tear down our equipment (which went so much faster)! Us 4 went to subway and got some sandwiches while me, being my typical self, never sure of what I want, confused the cashier by wanting cookies. Poor guy, but I think he enjoyed it! We went to go get our oil changed with the guy at Sears and that was fun! Good time of fellowship! Then we drove to Chi-town to get some "Berry Chill" a frozen yogurt place!! Though our time in Chicago with Cameron and Anthony was short, we had SO much fun! God is doing some amazing things on this journey! Alot of it, I never expected. Though I have not yet had a verbal encounter with a student yet, there definitely is some encounters by the Holy Spirit because He is working all the time!