1 Peter 3:3

Sorry guys I haven't blogged in awhile, its been break and I've been out of routine. Speaking of being out of routine, this break has been good but also challenging. As in my last posts, I was telling you all about my dates with Jesus. Well, since I have been out of routine, I feel like lately I haven't been spending much time with Jesus. Its because I"m out of routine, but that is NOT an excuse. I need to learn to find God even when I"m out of routine, and that made me realize how much I am so driven by a routine! Coming home 2 weeks ago, was not what I expected. It was tough! I cried alot. I think because I was on this new journey with God. God was teaching me SO much and I have been growing alot, and then I go back to the old environment of where I was. It was hard to put the new self in the old environment. Its kinda hard to explain, but God was SO faithful in the process. I felt like friendships were different and that I was different. I had a new perspective and I didn't know how it would fit in the old environment. Fear came over me fast and I was so scared of being in bondage to what I use to be in bondage to. Well, anyways,God helped me through that where it wasn't so much the case. However, being home, I've struggled with outward adornment that 1 Peter 3:3 talks about. It says, "Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewlery, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle, quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." I came home from LA for break, and I look at my closet and realize, I have so much that i don't need! I'm always buying clothes and so obsessed with the way I look and my hair. Its so dumb! I had trouble shopping today with my mom because I realize I don't need these things, and I'm only buying them to impress people. I want to look good! Now, I'm not saying looking good is wrong but when it becomes an anxiety, a pressure, a bondage issues, then that's when its wrong. I've been struggling with looking good as my friends do, but deep down, I just wanna wear what I wanna wear not just because someone is dressed up! I guess its this problem of comparing myself to others. I want to be engulfed by the Love of God, not by society! I'm so sick of doing things just for attention and I struggle with that emotionally and physically. I hate the fact that I sometimes text boys, or flirt with boys, because I want that attention. I don't want to be trapped in the fact of feeling accepted because a boy is flirting with me and I get attention from him. I"m so sick of it! I want to be engulfed and surrounded with Jesus. If a boy gives me attention, I want him to know how in love I am with Jesus and how awesome Jesus is, not what I wear or what I necessarily look like that day. I'm so sick of chasing after useless things, drinking from the wrong fountain. I want the everlasting water, the Jesus water, the one that will satisfy me forever! Jesus is so good and the only one who can fulfill us, not clothes, not boys, not girls, not money, not the high-tech cool stuff. Now I"m not saying its wrong to have those things, but only if you are so consumed by it you are enchained to it. Think about what you are enchainged to, and be willing to let the Holy Spirit convict you of this, so be open. Often we don't want to admit these things so we push it aside, but it takes pain in order to gain freedom...its worth it friends!

Love your neighbor as yourself....

It seems lately I just have been going through a time where either people just misunderstand me or they just falsely accuse me for some reason. Now, I'm not saying in any way I don't do anything wrong, or I'm innocent in every situation, but what I'm saying is, either I'm misrepresenting myself or I'm being misunderstood. I feel discouraged at times because I want to show people Christ but sometimes they take that as I'm a goody goody or I'm being a smart-alik. I don't know why but my intentions are to be honest and be Christ-like. It hasn't happened with a lot of people but with the people it did happen to, it sucks because they don't know who I really am. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. I can't be. I can only be made righteous through God. I am in no way perfect. Also, I am in no way the coolest person ever, nor the most popular person ever and I'm fine with that. I think people misunderstand me as that and that's not my goal in life. Trust me, I stressed myself out on that one a loooong time ago. My goal is to be with Christ, to live with Him forever, and honor my life to Him and make Him known to others. I want to live a humble, simple, pleasing life to the Lord. Because, I love Jesus so much! Its like this, when you love someone, the agape love..its amazing!The person you love, you want to please them, show them you love them, all that. You don't want to hurt them. Now, I'm in no way fully knowing the extent of agape a love but I had a small taste of it and man, its blowing my world. The journey of seeing Jesus as my lover has been amazing! It really changed my life! So when I get attacked or when people misunderstand me, I can only have compassion on them. Or when they get upset at me and I don't know why or whatever, I just want to hear them out and understand where they are coming from. Yeah, I want to tell them, "That's not true or I didn't do that", but did Jesus do that when He was being accused? No, he had compassion. The thing is, I know I've made mistakes, and I will admit to them. I've disrespected people and I'm so sorry I have. But when someone attacks you for things you know you didn't do or misunderstand and won't give you the time of day to understand, just choose to love. They have hurt in their life they may not be dealing with, so don't fight back, just love. I want to encourage you all of that when you are being persecuted or falsely accused, LOVE. Let that person get out what they need to and admit to what you know you did wrong. Ask God to convict you of what you did wrong. Then choose to love that person, even when they are treating you unfairly. The thing is guys, hurting people hurt people. We are all hurting people and we will hurt others but like Jesus said, we must forgive so that we will be forgiven. Again, I don't want to come across as trying to be innocent because I'm not. I have done a lot of things wrong and I will admit to them. However, when you know people hurt you by the things they say, love them anyhow and show compassion rather than hate or revenge. Its not easy but I can testify, Jesus can help you because He helped me recently! Jesus is soo good guys! I love him so much, that is why I am the way I am and still growing!

phoenix,AZ and blessings!

So this week was pretty amazing! Lindsey and I had a show on an Indian Reservation just over the AZ border in Utah. That was really cool! It was in the middle of no where but we got to see Navajo Mountain and it was cool. This High School had 2 dogs running around and they were so cute. I think after that set-up there, Linds and I really got to become closer and know each other much more. After the Indian reservation, we headed to Joseph City,AZ where we had some awesome set-up help from Sarah and Chris. Linds and I got to talk to them. I was really encouraged by Sarah because you can tell she did not want to live below approach. I'm pretty sure she was a follower of Christ. It was cool to hear how she lives her life. Throughout Monday and Tuesday, I had no idea it snowed in AZ..well, northern AZ but we at least got to see the Grand Canyon! Man, all this stuff I"m seeing, I'm amazed by God! Only our Creator can think of that stuff! Heading to Phoenix, where it was a lot warmer, was soo good! We were doing a show at Northwestern Christian School. We stayed at this teacher's house, Gloria and her 2 daughters, Kaylee and Courtney. Kaylee is a junior and plays volleyball and Courtney is a freshman. It was so cool because they shared a similar childhood story like me. Parents are divorced and raised by a their mom, just like me. It was pretty cool for them to open up to me because we definitely have similar feelings. Linds and I had an awesome conversation with them about what God is doing in our lives, how He is challenging us. Gloria chimed in and then we ended up all praying together! I will miss them so much! I hope one day I will see them again! It was a short-time period but I thank God so much for the opportunity to meet them and fellowship with them! Its so amazing how God brings brothers and sisters from all over the world to share that common ground...Jesus! I was SOO blessed to stay at their house! Doing the show at NCC was SO amazing! I loved the students, faculty, and the visitors that came! You guys, being there, I could really see myself being apart of that community! I loved it so much! I"m still praying about it but when I was there I felt so much peace! I'm asking God what that means and what He wants to do with that! I love Jesus so much! You guys, I've been struggling a bit...I sometimes just want things that I know are not the right time for or they just aren't the right things. Like I said before, I'm really learning to see Jesus as my Lover. This week, I feel like I'm struggling...I DON"T WANNA LOSE THAT! So I ask for prayer! It was a good recharge to stay with that family this week, however, I need to continue to persevere and cling to Jesus! Its so easy to get distracted and go after things we REALLY want! The thing is, God has us right where He wants us! No matter if it seems dry, if it seems unfair because we are comparing ourselves to others what they are doing or where they are at with God. We all our on this journey that is unique, different, however, it all leads to Jesus in the end. We are all being sanctified! Just think of this...when the gold is being refined, some impurities aren't gunna come off as fast as others, they are all not going to be done at the same time. Its the same with us..we are all at different places in our lives, but that doesn't matter. Its Who we are seeking, What we see as our prize! When we train for something, we may not do all the same exercises, or even at the same time, however, we are training for a race..the Christian race and we are all having the same goal in mind..Jesus!! The purpose is to Know Him and Make Him Known! AHHH! Jesus is soooo good!!! Claim it, Love it, Share it!

California...shake shake shake

Well, I'm here in Cali and I absolutely love it here! I wouldn't mind this at all next semester! Its crazy because so far on this journey, I learned a lot about myself, my relationship with God, and especially knowing God more. Its been challenging! Learned about patient endurance, being convicted of where I was finding my identity in (friends, boys, how many people I know), and then seeing Jesus as my Lover. You guys, I cannot explain to you how much God has shown me. Its a unique experience that no two people could have. Yes, there are similarities but we all have our own journey with our Lord. God has been so good to me, guys! I'm so unworthy of His grace and love in my life. Its been awesome to share things with my brothers and sisters in Christ to hear what God is doing with them and how we can encourage each other. Linds, I really just freaking commend that girl, my tour partner. She has not gone home since August and boy, has God gotten a hold of her heart! Its been so encouraging to see this girl grow! I could not ask for a better tour partner! I believe God put her in my life to help me with my identity issues! You see guys, so often I look at keeping things of what I have. I don't like change, however, when it comes, I wanna make sure I"m comfortable. Linds and I have been reading about Job. The Lord gives and takes away. With Job, God gave and take away yet Job still praised Him, even when everything was stripped away! That seems so hard, right? If God was to take away all my friends, if He was to take my home, family, job, even telling me I'd be single the rest of my life...would I still praise Him? I want to say I sure hope so! Yes, I want to get married one day! I desire a husband! My dream is to be a wife and a mom and have my house open to people that they will walk into our house and feel the love of God and serving them. That my marriage is not just a blessing, but a tool used to bring people to the kingdom! My husband and I working as Kingdom partners to bring others into His GLORIOUS kingdom! I definitely think God is preparing me for marriage with this job..haha! Linds and I were talking the other day of how important communication is. That is so important in marriage so its like God used us to prepare for that aspect of it! LOL. I'm so thankful for what God is doing in my life. No, its not easy, it sucks at times, but its so worth it in the end! I'm truly thankful for my suffering because I see it produces perseverance and character! Seeing Jesus as my Lover, my Husband, my Living Water, has been such a journey for me, and has been a long road! But more and more and I love on Him, the more and more I grow! Yes, there have been times so far, I just get cranky and I just want to be alone..However, God has shown me grace and mercy through people. I love Jesus so much, guys! I dont want that to come across like all fakey and suck-up-ish, I"m being legit! Jesus has changed my life and still is changing my life. My heart belongs to Him, he truly is the fountain of Life I need to be drinking from!

just an add on to yesterday's...Jesus surprised me!

So you guys know how yesterday I was saying I went to the park and I couldn't see the Tetons...well....JESUS SURPRISED ME!! Ok, so this is what happened. I woke up early this morning to get ready to head out. Linds and I planned to go back one more time in Town Square of Jackson. I did not plan to go to Grand Teton National Park because yesterday was bad, so I figured today would be, too. So, after getting ready, I look out the window and then I put my luggage in our van. I said, "Linds, it looks pretty clear outside..I wonder if we could see the Tetons today!?" So we start heading out towards Town Square and its not as foggy as yesterday. So, we decide to head to the park. We head out of the town and turn around this hill and...THERE THEY WERE!! The Grand Tetons!! Oh, so beautiful! I mean, only God, OUR CREATOR, could only think and make that! ONLY HIM! How can someone look at something that beautiful and NOT know there is a God, who loves His creation SO much!? I screamed! You can ask Lindsey! We pulled over by the Grand Teton National Park sign and took pictures! I just was in a holy moment with Jesus that whole time! He was laughing, so stoked to see me so excited to see His majesty! I just totally felt his presence there! He knew I wanted to meet him there and He TOTALLY made it happen!! I was so blessed!! I love Jesus so much! Oh my goodness...I had such a wonderful time w/ him there this weekend! Looking forward to more times!! We are now in Elko,NV and it is snowing up a storm! I don't care tho, Jesus loves me this I know! I love him, and umm...I'm so in LOVE with Him!!!

Jackson Hole,WY and the Grand Tetons!!!

Ok, right now, folks, I am in my favorite place ever (besides Hawaii). I"m in Jackson Hole, Wyoming!! So lets start this off with whats first. So Thursday night, Linds and I stayed in Rapid City,SD and then friday got up to head out to Mount Rushmore! Pretty exciting stuff!!Then jetted out to Jackson! Mmmm, I love it here so much!! Anyways, we are driving through Wyoming. If you have never driven through Wyoming, there is pretty much not a McDonald's til you hit Jackson, yes..thats how like no one lives here. Traveling, we saw a population of 10! yeah, 10!! Anyways, to continue on this amazing adventure, we are approaching the Rockies. However we have to go through this SUPER SUPER small town of 169 people to get to the mountains. So the speed limit heading in is 65, then you slow down to 30 approaching Dubois,WY. So I slow down. The town is so small you pass it in a blink of an eye. Up ahead, the sign says, 55 so I start to speed up but slow down because the sign after 55 says, "Slow down slick roads". So Linds says, "There is a cop behind us" and I say, "ok" thinking she wanted me to make sure I'm going the speed limit. Linds says, "No, like with their lights on!" OH CRAP! So I pull over hoping it wasn't me, but it was.:( Sad day! I was going 47 in a 30. He caught me right when I was speeding up for the 55. LAME! I gotta pay $138. Well, bummed, we head up the Big mountain ahead. Its snowing and snowing. I"m going like 20 and people are passing me going maybe 45mph. I'm thinking, "Can't I get out of my ticket if I made up for going over 17mph because now I'm going like 25 under??" The roads on the mountain weren't slick at all but it was eventually cool because..there they were..The Grand Tetons! My most favorite mountain range ever! It was snowing so you could only see the bottom half but I didnt care! Linds and I saw anteloupe and buffalo! I mean, God is stinkin awesome on how he created nature!! mmmm!!! So we get into Jackson! So pretty! Lights, snowing! I was pumped! This morning, I got up to spend time with Jesus in Grand Teton National Park. Well, it was pitch white outside! Couldn't see a thing! I saw 2 Moose walking through but I could not see the Tetons :(. Super bummed so I headed back to Jackson Hole Coffee Roasters (Cafe) in Town Square. Dude, I have been learning to see Jesus as my lover! I'm so in love with my Savior! He told me that I'm the woman in John 4 who is so thirsty, but never satisfied! I so often look to relationships, friendships, boys, to fulfill me! I"m now on my journey of knowing Christ as my "Living Water" the One who can only satisfy!! Ugh, its soo good! I know this whole job is to have a time of solitude, to know Him as my Lover besides my God, my Savior, and my Counselor. Its like a honeymoon with Jesus. Though, its stretching and humbling, its so worth it! He brought me here to Jackson Hole, to be with Him because He knows how much I love nature, mountains, Christmas! Haha! I am so excited to be here in Jackson. I don't want to leave!! However, I hope to be back real soon!!!

Learning to be content...

Its crazy how we go from being little when we think the worst thing in the world is when we have to clean our room, or we didn't get that certain toy we wanted for Christmas. Now, 22 years old, I could careless about such things. I actually like to clean! ha! God has been really taking me on this journey of recognizing Him as my Provider and "Living Water" that Jesus speaks about in John 4. Lets start with the Provider. I was talking to my friend Jeff last night on the phone, and well, though we are in different situations, Him and I are learning a lot how suffering and being uncomfortable can stretch us towards God. We were talking about how we always pray for a "suffering-free" life. But like I said in my latest blogs, suffering is a privilege because we see God's grace in our lives. Suffering brings us on our knees, admitting our weakness, where we become strong by the grace of God. So us becoming weak, actually makes us strong. I think once I hit that point on tour that I could not do these set-ups without God, that's when I was strengthened. I was watching the Pursuit of Happiness featuring Will Smith and his son, last night. This guy, Chris Gardner worked so hard to stay off the streets. How many times things went wrong, how many times he had to fight and figure out a place to sleep every night, he did not give up! There is a scene in a movie when he is at a worship service and he just holds his son closely in his arms and just crys. This just broke my heart and made me realized how much I'm blessed and how someone who has nothing becomes so broken towards the Lord. I grew up in a Middle-class family, had what I needed, got more than I needed, been pretty secure my whole life, living a comfortable life. The thing is, guys, I'm really learning how much I can be so selfish. Why am I so concerned about making sure I'm "comfortable"? Why do I like to be comfortable? I don't think we realize what we have until its taken away. Jeff was saying what he read in the Bible was that if we really wanna live for Jesus, we would sell everything we have and give it to the poor! Isn't that crazy! Now, I'm not saying become homeless but how we should be living a generous life. I'm going to admit it to you, I struggle on tithing because I'm a selfish girl who thinks, "Oh, well I might find something at the mall...or I want to go out to eat with my friends, or I need it for savings" What the crap am I thinking? Why..why do I care so much about myself where there are people out on the streets that don't eat for days..people living on only less than a dollar a day! What I have is not mine, its God's!! Why can't I understand that concept!? I NEVER want to be rich, but if God did so, I want to give a big amount to the poor! I don't want to live a comfortable life, and yes, that is scary thing to say..and I want my heart to get there. The other thing is too, in John 4, Jesus speaks of "living water" and how easily we can think materialism will make me happy, a guy, a girl, money, things, materialism. Pssh, if there is no full content in Jesus, those things will never fulfill us...EVER! Jesus is the ONLY living water there is that we will never thirst. Other things, that we chase after, we will just thirst more when those things are done fulfilling us and fade away. We will never find true content. I don't know guys, my eyes are really being opened here. I want to live a full abundant life in Christ Jesus! I cannot get enough of this man, Jesus! There is something extraordinary in this relationship with Him, that I constantly cannot get enough of, and the thing is, there is more of Him that He wants to give me! I love this man, Jesus! I'm madly in love with Him and I cannot wait to be with Him one day! He is the only person who fulfills me!

What a switch!

So, I'm just gunna be straight out, like I usually am...God has been showing me SOOO much of Himself and how he works! I cannot tell you how much I have learned from the time I've been born to High School, to College, to now with my life out in the "real world". I really am understanding a lot more of why we go through what we go through. Well, let me first tell you about our week. Linds and I were able to come home (south bend,IN) for a week! Its amazing because God has just been spoiling me and I am SO undeserving of it...I'll explain more in a bit. We were home for a week and just being able to rest, bake, and catch up with friends! It was such a good break and boost to getting back on tour. I love just fellowshipping with my friends and laughing! Its so good! I see why God encourages us to laugh. Not only is it good ab exercise, but it helps us just let go of life's worries, struggles, and heartaches.Yesterday, we had a show in Powell,OH for a leadership seminar for middle school and high school student councils. It was really good! Nice kids! While I was home, in the beginning, let me tell you, I was not such a happy camper. I don't know why but when I'm run-down, tired, I often just want to be alone. I just want to do my own thing either being home alone, or off doing something on my own. I just want to be with God..ALONE! I was able to that for about an hour this week-home alone. I noticed my attitude, and how attitudes affect a situation. This is where I"m picking up of where I said I'd fill ya in in a second. The thing is, guys, during the month of October, I did not have a good attitude when things got hard. When I get stressed out or frustrated, I just want to be alone. And yes, I agree, we need to have that alone time. Though I'm extroverted, I recharge like and introvert. I really like being alone sometimes..its good for everyone! However, all I did is mostly complain in my head, became judgmental towards others' faults when they messed up (as if I was perfect...paleezzz!)This caused me to be irritated and shut down, I guess. Then God gives me a blessing of coming home, which was awesome. But was I praising God? No! I was still irritated because I wanted to be alone so bad (which i just need to communicate that better) and complaining about going on the road again, to what I think would be Kentucky. Then, we head out from home and Linds does her call-in with Andrew (our boss). Then, to both of our surprise, thinking we would be in Kentucky (bleh!) for Thanksgiving, we are in California!!! WHAT?!? God, are you kidding me?! God knows how much I love the west and how much I love the mountains, beach, palm trees, and how that is one of the things that I love about God's creation..that beauty! So, God blesses me with making the trip out to Cali next week! I can't believe it! From irritation, bad, pouting, half-empty, attitude to jump to the ceiling rejoicing attitude! Why can't I praise God in the tough times too!!? ugh! I hate that about myself, how I always just praise God when things go the way I want them too..or when God gives blessings! Have we ever considered suffering a blessing?! I haven't but boy, is God really teaching me that it is! Then I found out, we are in Flint, MI with Linds's aunt and uncle, that they are taking us to Frankenmouth, MI tomorrow!! ITS THE WORLD"S LARGEST CHRISTMAS STORE..BRONNER"S!! AHHHH!! And those who know me, I LOVE Christmas! So while I pout, complain, being a brat during October with my horrible attitude, God blesses me with coming home to see friends and family, Christmas stores, and Cali! Though we have trips in AZ and NV which is awesome too!! I'm such a brat, you guys! Seriously, I even worry and whine about never finding a husband and not having the right guy in my life! God has his timing!! He knows! And what we go through, times of suffering and times of praise..its worth it! Suffering is what we need, its good! Suffering, I'm learning, is a privelege..its a discipline. Ok, yes, we cringe at those words..suffering, discipline, but God is SOOOO good..he uses those things for good! God NEVER gives us more than we can't handle! He is so faithful in giving us strength even when WE THINK we can't go on! He knows WE CAN because of Him! I just want to encourage all of you, if you are having a tough time, suffering, things just seem unfair, and you wanna give up..DON"T!! change the attitude!! God does not keep you at rock bottom forever. He lets us get there,admit we need help so we can see His strength and grace work in our lives to where He lifts us up again! Its the most AMAZING thing! There's a reason for the season, folks! There is joy in every sorrow....Seek your God!! Seek Him and He will lead you! No doubt! Even when you feel like its dark, nothing there, no signs...SEEK SEEK SEEK!! I LOVE JESUS!!! I LOVE THIS MAN JESUS!!! HE IS MY EVERYTHING AND I am a pitiful servant of Christ who needs to learn to rejoice in her suffering!! Its amazing how the God of the universe can love such a ungrateful brat like me!

Can I get a "whoop whoop" for my Lord Jesus!?

So, as you know, its been a pretty hard month for Linds and I. Set-ups have been quite difficult and well, we have been pretty unmotivated until...NOW! You know, Satan can be pretty sneaky with his ways of getting us down because he does not want us to do God's will. And, God's will is enjoyable, not always during the moment, but in the end it is! Its accomplishing! What I'm trying to say is, Linds and I started a bible study together that took us through the beginning of the book of 1 and 2 Thessalonians. Paul is writing to them about to continuing to persevere under hard times and that suffering for God is actually a privelege!! Ok, so you're thining, "what? Suffering..a privelege? Get real, Jess." But the thing is, when we have suffering, when hard times strike, when life feels crappy, its actually an opportunity! Its an opportunity to allow God's amazing grace to enter into play! The thing this, like I said many times before, we cannot live this life alone. That is why God asks for a relationship with Him! Today I spoke at Harding High School in Fort Wayne, IN and God gave me the words to tell these kids, "You can choose your attitude, you can choose to see situations as a problem, or a challenge. You can let it knock you down or you can see it as an opportunity to make you stronger. We choose our attitudes!" That goes for us! We can choose to see things in positive or negatives lights. The thing is, with Christ, THERE IS HOPE IN EVERY SITUATION!! Nothing is unbearable because God is in control! He never gives us more than we can handle and when we think we can't handle it, well, guess what! YES, YOU CAN! Its like working out, you gotta persevere under training! You can run that extra mile, you can lift that other 10lbs, you can do 10 more reps! because you wanna build muscle, endurance, strength! Come on guys! Lets praise the Lord Jesus for His strength! The thing is, through this bible study Linds and I are doing, its a book study her mom gave us called "Living Victoriously In Difficult Times", it helped me grasp where my mindset was lately. The past few weeks, I dreaded doing set-ups because I felt like I had no strength left, however GOD gives me strength! Its not about the set-ups, its not about the line-ups, its about God's will and ministering to these students! I had one student come up and thank me for us coming and doing this! He was a senior planning to go to Ball State to study pharmacy! Thats why God has me doing this job! To be a light in the darkness...to be a representative of hope in Christ to people! AHH!! God is soo good! He is so faithful in our times of dryness! Oh keep loving Him he is sooo good!! Mmm..Mmm!!

Ups and Downs

Lets just flat out say, God stinking amazes me! I don't understand His ways, but Oh, will I continue to give Him my heart. I'm learning SO SO SO much in my life right now! I feel like God was waiting for this time in my life! Its like I'm one of the disciples that Jesus said to, "Come follow me." Now, I have been a Christ follower, since I was 18, and I'm STILL learning! I feel like I'm just a beginner! Lately, I have been reading in James and now, Ephesians, and I have been learning so much about patience and what it really means to follow Christ. In this job, I guess I definitely hit a dry patch, Lindsey and I both. We love being partners with each other but, boy, are we physically exhausted. Speakers use to not be so bad for me, but now I"m like, "uhhh..HELP!" Yet, when I just surrender myself to God, when I come to the Lord, bow before him, exhausted, and sigh, "God, please help me. I miss home, I miss my friends, I miss my MOMMY!" He says, "Rise Jessie, I'm here, get up and go!" and then He gives me strength, like the paralyzed man Jesus heals that got up and walked with his mat out the door! Well, I walked with a speaker to the gym! LOL! Its amazing how much grace God has given me during this time in life. I have made many mistakes in my life and God used those as life lessons, how he used those filthy rags to bring me closer to Him. In both the books, "Starving Jesus" and "What's So Amazing About Grace?" that I'm reading, I'm really learning to see how Jesus came for sinners and not the righteous. The thing is, guys, the world expects us to have it all together, to have it all figured out, to disregard the "losers" and get what we want! We are greedy, selfish people who only look after ourselves. The thing is Jesus says to His disciples, "The greatest must become the least", "The last shall be first" As Christians, if we are going to show that we are Christ-like and actually live a life of Christ, we need to humble ourselves and become servants, last in line. Servants of God to serve people. Its opposite of what the world says. The thing is, the world shouts its standards as freedom but yet, think about how much you strive and strive to do it on your own, maybe you have done it on your own and you are on top and life is great..until something happens and everything comes tumbling down. Everything you gained..you lost! Then what do you do? You lost what you had! The thing is, Jesus says, "Whoever saves his life, loses it. But whoever loses their life, for my sake, will find it!" When we come to Christ, we find freedom! There is hope in every situation! There is NO situation in our life that there is no hope in Jesus! Look at the book of Job! He lost EVERYTHING..money, family, house, yet..he remained faithful to God and he was blessed twice more than he had! OUR HEAVENLY FATHER PROVIDES! I want to encourage all of us to get down on our knees and realize Who are REAL PROVIDER is! I was freakin out the other night about a job after this one, but I KNOW God will provide! I dont expect to be rich nor do I want to be. I only want to be RICH IN HIM! That's where my real treasure stands! I don't want anything else by my Jesus! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! He is the Man of my life and always will be! I'm telling you, Come to know your Lord Jesus! I know he is "invisible". But that "invisibility" is SO much more than the "visibility"!

Whoa, did the Lord rev up my faith!

This past week was really exhausting and well, I often question myself of, "How am I gunna make it til May!" I guess it could be I"m stuck in Indiana for this whole month, however, our schedule has been pretty crazy! Its actually really cool how Lindsey and I connect as co-workers and friends. When she's frustrated, I can calm her down and when I'm frustrated, she calms me down. We both don't take those frustations to heart because we know each other's heart well enough not to take it personal. Lindsey has to be one of the most understanding people I know. This past friday I was fasting and I was tired, a bit weak (fasted since wed.evening) and ready for the weekend. When I'm frustrated, I dont like to talk much because I dont want people to think I"m mad at them and I just want to be alone, but I communicated to Lindsey I was frustrated, tired, and apologized for being not such a happy camper, lol. The cool thing was tho, when we had kids help us set up, I realize all my worries, frustrations, and cares just go away. I can just easily pour into them...its like a relaxer believe it or not! I love working with kids, I realized more. Friday, was just one of those days where, "I dont know if I can keep doing this". But when kids come, I realized alot more that my heart is towards the youth. I want to work with them..maybe not just setting up and tearing equipment down the rest of my life, but somehow work with them and minister to them the love of Jesus!
I did about a 2 and a half day fast this week and boy, did God really show me alot. I really learned what it meant to fast. Inspired by the book I was reading, now I"m done with, "Starving Jesus", I realized a fast changes your life, and a fast with no change, isn't a fast! When we fast, we our asking God to have more of Him, where we are denying ourselves and what fulfills us, like food lol, and feeding off Him! In a fast, you totally hear from God, even when I was frustrated, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me to calm it down and make sure to communicate to Lindsey. I realized a lot about how I underestimate prayer and time with God, how I just maybe do it to make sure I"m doing it rather, than real one and one time with God. Fasting does really rid of yourself because you totally leave everything behind and come before God. What John the Baptist said, "More of Him and less of me!" That's my prayer!
My friend Drew did the fast with me, so that was cool to have accountability and seeing how God was changing His life. Seems like God was bringing Him into many opportunities of boldness. The crazy thing was, this past Saturday, Drew came to visit me in downtown Indy. So, Lindsey, Drew, and me, decided we would go chill at starbucks. While walking, a young black man approaches Drew and asks for some change. None of us had change and so he asked Drew about helping him get something to eat. So Drew said about walking to starbucks where he could get the guy something to eat. The guy didn't seem like he needed someone to buy food. He was pretty well dressed. The black guy, anxious and frustrated, kept trying to get Drew alone, having Drew ask Linds and I to keep walking while Drew and him would go for a "walk". I was NOT about to leave Drew! The dude, was getting upset because Drew would not go with him. Because the guy would not leave use alone, he walked to starbucks with us. We got in there and the guy says, "Man! I don't want this food!" Drew asked the guy to leave and the guy would continue to not leave Drew alone. Thinking this bartender was a cop, I asked him to help us. He was wearing an orange shirt..wow, God sure used my dumbness for something. He said he dealt w/ this stuff all the time and had Linds and I get in line with him. Mind you, everyone is looking at the black guy and Drew in starbucks. So the bartender gets in the convo between the black guy and Drew. The black guy, is cussing out Drew and the bartender. Then starbucks baristas are about to call the cops but the guy ends up leaving, Poor Drew! He totally handled it really well and remained calm the whole time! I totally believe God used some of his fast to prepare for that! When the guy left, we prayed for him and we were all shaken up. I got a word from God that the man was full of anger and greed, and that he was trying to mug drew in order to owe a debt for someone. I prayed over this guy's anger and greed and then walking back, we prayed and made sure we were around tons of people! What an experience! We were so thankful God protected us and that we got the guy to at least come to starbucks where I met the bartender there! Thank God for Drew's attitude towards the guy and the bartender! Drew was only trying to help. We were all so thankful nothing bad happened! This past week has been pretty draining, but I"m continuing to ask God for His strength which he has been faithful in giving!

I know this is long,... but JESUS ROCKS!!!

You guys! Seriously, my life has been changing so much! I feel like I'm in this season of "shedding old skin", coming out to be a new person, becoming more like Christ. My prayer is to constantly be transformed. Its that I'm not the same person I was a year ago, weeks ago, days ago, etc. God has been challenging me like non-other. I guess that is why I learned what patient endurance is for about 2 months to bring me to another part of what He is teaching me. I don't know what its like for boys, but speaking from a girls perspective, we struggle with self-image. I was struggling with questions this past week like, "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I good enough for a godly man?" "Why do I not have a boyfriend?" "Is there something wrong with me?" Those types of questions. Then the Lord spoke right in the midst of talking to a friend on the phone. He said, "Set your mind on heavenly things. Those godly men you are seeking that you think aren't pursuing you nor like you, they are seeking my heart. Its a good thing! Keep your eyes focused on me. I will bring it at the right time. I know your heart, Jessie. Just be patient and trust in me. These godly men are waiting on my timing." Then the Lord brings me to 1 Peter 3:3-4 which says, "Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." I was able to encourage a few friends with this Word! I literally heard the Lord speak to me! God knows when we are ready for that, and the thing is..going into talking about my amazing book I have been reading called, "Starving Jesus" by Craig Gross and J.R Mahon (by the way, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book!), there is work to be done! This book talks about living in the now, what the Church should be representing, how we should release self-centeredness, reaching the lost, and being a disciple. So often, we close ourselves off to opportunities because we are so scared what people will think, especially those as a church body. We are scared to minister to the unsaved due to what the worlds says and the reaction we may get. Pretty much, we are scared of failing. Have you ever thought that when we step out in faith, that isn't failing, its taking a step..its getting closer to the next thing God has for us. God is all about intentions of the heart, when we step out with the intent to glorify God, not ourselves, we need to release all expectations, and just go! Let God take care of the rest. We need to just act now! We are called to be disciples of Christ and that is not necessarily being a leader, but a servant. When we use the term, "in the world but not of the world" its not disconnecting ourselves from the world and hiding under a rock. Its going out, stepping out in faith and serving the unchurched, the churched, everyone around us! We need to be aware of whats going on around us and how God wants to use us to be part of the solution because WE ARE! Its putting ourselves last, and obeying what God calls us to do! For example, I have not been tithing, and honestly its out of selfish reasons and also because I do not have a home church. I was convicted of this other night and I asked God to change my heart and what I should do about it. He told me, once a week to bless someone, by maybe buying the person in front of you in line, starbucks, and telling them He loves them. Another thing that I have been learning is "offending like Jesus". Now, this is where I struggle. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to spur each other on..and by spurring..its not always going to feel good. I struggle with wanting everyone to like me. I know sometimes God will tug at my heart to tell someone the truth in love, and I ignore it because I want that person to like me. But shouldn't I be more concerned about the person's destination in eternity than whether they like me? J.R puts it in a good way in the book when J.R is talking about his friend Dave that brought him to Christ, "He brought me to the cross regardless of whether he hurt my feelings or offended me. He cared too much about my eternity and the quality of my life." Now, I'm not saying go out and tell everyone how sinful they are and how they are going to hell. I'm talking about telling the truth in love. When you establish a relationship with someone, there are going to be times where you need to speak truth! There's a difference..truth being absolute truth which is the solid Word of God that distinguishes righteousness and sinfulness and then there is where we put our two sense in of what WE think is right or wrong. For example, we could tell someone, "Your voice is horrible! Dont' sing! you suck!" DON'T do that! However, if you have a friend that is, for example, caught up in pornography, and either is a christian or not, now the conversations may differ, but to let them know, they can be free from that. That that is something they don't need in order to be fulfilled but direct them to the Father. The Father draws them, all you need to be is the tool, the truth tool...speaking the truth and then let God convict them. Don't force or shove things and drive them into the ground until they scream "UNCLE" but to know that that is something they can be set free in when they come to Christ. People need to know why we believe and serve an amazing God and how a life apart from Him, does suck! I know this is long but I want to encourage you guys to step out in faith, to obey the Lord when he calls you to act out, to live in boldness because God did not give us a spirit of timidity or fear, but a spirit of love, power, and self-discipline! Just to end this, I learned somethings in James 3:17..just like the fruits of the spirit..I call them fruits of wisdom, "pure, peace-loving, gentle, willing to yeild to others (patient), merciful, good deeds, shows no favoritism, sincere." You can evaluate wisdom by the way a person acts. In proverbs 27:19 it says, "As a face reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person." Are you living a life that is following Jesus? Where you deny yourself, take up your cross, even to the point of death? Are we waking up every morning, submitting our life to Christ, where we are constantly ridding ourselves? Love you all! Jesus rocks, and continue to serve Him!
Hey! Linds's Dad...for you...do the indian accent! lol

doubts, tired, but God gives strength

So this past week, made Linds and I SOOo tired. Considering, being home last weekend and this week, her and I ate SOO much food. We gotta chill out on the sweets! I'll get into more of that later. The cool thing is, I was experiencing some doubt shortly after a friend text me they had doubt. I started having doubts about who I am, what I'm doing with Camfel, my self-image, personality, etc. Well, I was talking to another friend on the phone about it, shortly after I had some Jesus time, and I was explaining to them what I was going through. And then literally God spoke to me, right in the midst of me speaking to my friend. It was soo cool! Besides the doubt of what I mentioned just above, I was struggling with a doubt of if I'll ever have a man in my life who is passionate about God, loves God and everything I have been praying for in a man, if not more. Well, God knocked me over the head with that one, He pretty much told me not to worry about it, and he knows the timing. Now, I know that sounds simple, and more like, "uhh..duh Jessie" but if you could experience what I was going through at that moment, it clicked and really uplifted me. It uplifted me so much I shared with my friend, Dorina and Lindsey! At the same time, the friend was experiencing doubt that texted me, got uplifted and filled right at the same time I did! NOW HOW COOL IS THAT!? How are God can take care of all of us at one time! I was so encouraged that night! The thing is, God never leaves us nor forsakes us...even in our toughest situations, where it seems impossible, like we can not continue on, or we doubt we are good enough, or whatever it is, God comes through. Sometimes not in the ways we expect him too. I'm learning so much about patient endurance. Again in my last couple of blogs, patient endurance is enduring the time of being patient...yes, its hard! But you need to persevere because that is the time of growth! Patience is a hard thing..but "patience IS virtue". And during that patient time, that time of endurance..think of all the opportunities you have! Its super crazy! We have to choose to see the positive in every situations, to "MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY" eph.5:16..and sometimes in certain situations, you do your best, and then you gotta leave it alone and give it to God. I wanna encourage you brothers and sisters, to seek the Lord in every situation, endure the patience that you are under in testing, seeking, growing. Make the most of the situation you are in..you can choose to your attitude, and the attitude you have effects your choices, and your choices alter your life!

Traveling and Ministering

So I'm having the most amazing time, even though I'm traveling through Indiana for the next 2 weeks. Lindsey and I are having so much fun together, getting to see things and stopping at random places we have never been before. We stopped at this Fair Oaks Farm in Fair Oaks,IN to see a cow farm! We ate all kinds of cheese and had real homemade ice cream..I had choc.chip! MMmmm..mmmm! Then we walked around this farm and we saw this street light looking thing that has red, yellow, and green. the red light was on that said, "nope" meaning no cows were being born..I guess you can see a live cow birth at this farm. Linds and I were pretty bummed we didnt get to see one, but at least we got ice cream! We stayed in bloomington,IN, right near IU and stayed at a friend's house then headed to Muncie to stay at another friend's house and we walked around the Ball State campus, where my bro went! We went through the broadcasting building, the Letterman building,I saw his award and the fact too, he was standing right next to David Letterman during the dedication ceremony of the Letterman building. We had a set-up today and about to do another one. 2 funny stories and Linds has this up on hers too! A girl came up to Linds and said, "Was that 2nd to last song Toby mac?!" Linds says, "yes" "Oh my gosh" she says, "he is so cute! I saw him at king's island and he is SO hot in leather!" hahaha! so funny! and then we were loading up our van and a tampon falls out from the back and a middle school boy helping us load says, "Is that what I think it is??" Linds replies, "YUP!" ahaha!! Kid says, "Thats just not right." LOL Oh man, kids crack me up! I really do love what I do! I love talking and ministering to kids! I love the fact that everyday is an opportunity to show Jesus in someone's life! I'm at McDonald's and a guy asks me about what Camfel is. I tell him, not saying anything about "christian" and he asked what my degree is in and I said Youth Ministry and asked where I went to school. I said Bethel College. He said, "So are you a Christian?" and I said, "yes I am!" and he said, "Praise God!" He ended up telling his old lady friends about me and it was cool because they were interested in what I was doing and encouraged by my faith! I want to be an encouragement to others! I want to show kids in the school, people we randomly come in contact, friends, family, that there is hope! There is someone who cares about every detail and that is Christ Jesus! In Christ, ALONE, our hope is found! He is our rock! Rock meaning a firm foundation! I'm really learning more and more what it means to let ministry be rest, Hebrews 4! My life is devoted to the Lord, my purpose in this life is the name of my blog, "To know him and make him known". Our life is a journey to better knowing Christ, being a servant and a friend. Guys, God is not complicated as the world makes Him out to be. He's not about rules and condemnation. He is a loving Father, a Friend you never had, a Hero in every situation, a Master who takes care of His servants. He is all we need and I'm telling you, if you feel like you are not good enough. If you are beating yourself down because you feel so unworthy..trust me, i know. Everytime I make a mistake I beat myself down. Satan gets me to think I can't get back up..that I ruined my chances. I often feel like with friendships, for example, if I do something on accident to hurt a friend, or I make a mistake with a friend, they will leave me. That is why I"m always afraid of conflict, because in the past, people leave in conflict. So when I mess up with God, I still have this concept God will leave me..but God says, "I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you!" How often we need to cling to those words. Yes, people, at times, leave, no one is perfect, people will hurt us, and we will hurt them..but we must show forgiveness and mercy, we must admit when we are wrong and accept forgiveness when others have wronged us. I encourage you guys, to seek the Lord, continuously..never give up on Him..because he NEVER gives up on you!

After a good weekend,..into a good week..

Well, from wednesday to sunday I was able to spend some time at home! Oh man! SOO good. Went back to my old Bethel College to go to chapel (though I was late) and was able to eat some lunch at the typical SG (sufficient grounds) with some friends, walked around campus and saw all my friends! It was soo good to be home! I went to Hacienda twice in less than 24 hours (my mother is obsessed, lol) and had a nice party with my friends! Got to hang out with the fam! Made some delicious apple pie with my dad and then made one on my own..seriously..this pie is amazing! Its called, "Annie's Apple Crumb Pie"..SOooo good! My new partner Lindsey helped me peel and cut the apples and we made the pie for my friend Robbie whom we were staying with sunday night down in Indy because we had a show. Yes, I'm pretty much in Indiana for the next 3 weeks! So our show yesterday in Plainfield,IN went SUPER well. Our set-up was amazing and we got to hang out with some kids. After the show, we had a few kids come up to us to tell us how they really enjoyed "Dare to Move". Seriously, God really speaks to these kids through this video. Today, we were in Hobart,IN which is right near Merriville, a girl came up to me after the show. Her name was Jackie, and she poured out her life to story to me. She was telling me how she gets teases and bullied alot in school because of the way she dresses. She lost her dad and her grandma within a few days of each other right before her 12th birthday (she's in high school now) and saying how she got into cutting and how she use to be into witchcraft and stuff. She was telling me how our videos really touch her and she cries because she can really relate to the kids in the video being interviewed. I was so taken a back when she started pouring her life out to me. I was like, "ok, God..help me! I dont know what to do!" but God said, "Jessie, just listen to her...you can't fix it..but you can listen..it shows you care" So I tried to not have that feeling of "I gotta do something!" and just did what Jesus would do..what he does to all of us, listen. Jackie just wanted someone to here her out, because the bullying she goes through, the cutting, her being homeless before in her life, people judging her, it sucks. I didn't have a Jesus talk with her but with my actions and listening..I was being Jesus to her..by the grace of God! I hope this girl really comes to know the Lord, because He is the only One who can fulfill, who can satisfy, who can quench our thirst, our every need! Jackie is engaged to what seems to be an amazing guy, but I was thinking when she was telling me all the stuff she went through, she is going through this for a reason..I really believe it is for one day she will know Christ as her Savior. I pray that she will! She was a sweet girl and you can tell she is searching for significance in her life. I love what i do,guys. I love talking to these kids and people in general. I'm so thankful and pleased God is working in my heart because He is more and more working with me to have kingdom eyes and a compassionate heart like Jesus did when crowds would come to Him..in the Word it says, "He had compassion on them". His heart bleeds for us, guys! He loves us so much! I always say this..when you look at the ground and you see an ant, its so small..we don't care if we step on them. They're billions of them everywhere. However, to God, we are as small as an ant, there are billions of us..but does he squash it and think, "ehh..but there are billions of them." No! He cares and loves our little ant lives. He cares about our issues that seem so big to us and so little to him that he still cares about them! He wants us to give those to Him!! What a loving, caring, awesome God we serve! No one, No thing, No anything can ever top our God! Our creator wants you to be apart of His book..His will! A life of freedom and everything we need! We can get it all through one source...Jesus!! Mmmhmm! Praise the Lord!

When God "unloads"...

Do you ever just feel like you are learning so much in your life? Its like this feeling like you constantly think "oh yeah!" or "ah ha!" or "wow!! Ok, thats a thing I need to apply in my life" where its back to back and you feel like you can't keep up!? well my friends, you are not alone! I feel like this has been my season since August 7th when I left for Cali to start this job! I've been learning so much on how to love others, not judging, patience, stepping out my comfort zone, all that! Honestly, its like I have a new perspective on life, on God's grace! It seems like everything I was learning inside the "Bethel bubble" (those of you that go to Bethel know what I mean, its pretty much a bubble where you are surrounded by bros and sis's that believe the same thing you do and its like a "safe place", which is good, but also can make you sheltered). I've had an amazing summer with friends and we diligently were seeking after the Lord and now all that I attained is challenged! Let me tell you, we need to be challenged in order to grow! We need those "storms in life" in order to become a stronger person! Its like this: In order for plants to grow, they need the rain, they need the storm. After the storm, the sun comes out, and the plants grow! They become more colorful, taller, healthier! The joy is the sun after those storms of trials! There is JOY in every trial! We are the plants, when we go through times that are challenging, we can know the suns gunna come out..the joy is about to come and we become taller, stronger, colorful..we become more like Christ! The process of photosynthesis is like God's grace..we need that to become stonger, colorful, taller! When we go through trials, it bring perseverance, character, and then hope (Rom.5:3). God's grace is so sufficient. Its not about what the trial is, its about how we respond to the trial! We can overcome it with our Spirit God has placed in us! We are at battle, guys! Everyday when you wake up, its war..war between your flesh and your spirit! Like I said in my last blog, the spirit can fight off the flesh, if you side with the Spirit! I always thought I guess for along time that God was this "Big man upstairs" watching us and if we do wrong, he is gunna smite me with the mighty thunderbolt! Umm..he's not Zeus! He's the Alpha and the Omega, Yahweh, a Loving Father, Savior, King! He's there to pick us up when we sin. When we come, sit on his lap, confess our sins, open our hearts, he shows mercy, he shows compassion, he picks us up, puts the bandage on and kisses us on the forehead and says, "I love you, kid!" Its a hard concept to understand because we either, if you are like me, we sulk in our sin we committed, or we don't come before the Father thinking, "eh, he wont catch it" either one, we need to know who are Lord is, and he's a forgiving Father! There's nothing we can hide from him! so I encourage you guys, to know that, its not about how "perfect" you handle the trial, its where your heart is at, your attitude, your response! Seek him in the trial! He will show you, even when you mess up, He will know where your intentions lie! He shows us mercy, because we are not perfect..and with mercy..he gives us grace! Therefore, we should show mercy towards others, no matter how they wronged us, because we all wronged people in our life, we all need mercy! Yes, we are all stupid and mess up! But through God, we become stronger followers! Keep the faith guys! Run hard after Christ. Love on Him, fall in love with Him, spend time with Him! Be the follower that is right behind him, not the one either gettin distracted, trying to keep up, or the one in the back of the line, ready to ditch when he's not looking! Seriously, the more you get to know Christ, the more you'll fall in love! Go Jesus..mmm...so good!

suffering produces perseverance, character, hope...

To be blunt, God is really testing me and strengthening me...and to be honest..its bittersweet. Its really hard sometimes because I get to a point where its this fork in the road and I"m not sure what to do! I realized in my life how often I run to people instead of God. People can't handle the problems, only God! Yes, we can go to each other for advice, yes we can pray and be there for that person but honestly, people can't fix your problems..only God! I feel like God is stripping away every "lifeline" I use to have when I got that "fork in the road" situation going on. I"m learning so much of what it means to have PATIENT ENDURANCE. Do you know what that means? Well, God has been showing me that, when you want to lose it, or you want to judge someone, or you want do something out of your own fleshly desires (sinful desires) you have the STRENGTH not to do it! You endure the suffering that your flesh (the sinful nature) puts on you because you resist it! Think of it this way...your climbing a mountain and all of a sudden you cut your leg really bad..you're bleeding and you can't stand the pain..you feel like you can't go on..BUT YET, you are determined to get back to the camp to get morphine and bandages because the pain is SO intense. You are SO anxious to reach back to camp, but you have to go through the suffering of getting back to the camp with a leg bleeding and hurting so bad, but you have the determination to get back..otherwise..you'll bleed to death! The thing is, what i"m trying to say (not sure if that example helped), when are flesh is fighting against us, we have to fight back with our spirit! We have to keep going no matter how much our fleshly desires want us to sin! The thing we have to remember most, CLAIM THIS AND CLING TO IT: "God has given everything we need for living a godly life" (1 Peter 1:3). So therefore.. YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU! (phil 4:13) No matter how bad your flesh wants to fight back! You can beat it with the spirit God has given you! "Supplement faith with generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with PATIENT ENDURANCE, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection and brotherly affection with love for everyone!" (1 Peter 1:5-7). I"m serious guys! Please, we are all on the same team! We are all after one goal and that is being with Jesus! whats the purpose?? The purpose is to be with Him forever, to live as we were called to live. We want to be victorious! and we can only do that with Christ! So how do we train?? Its like a sport..you want to win right? you want to be good at what you do right?? so what do you do? You Train! You discipline yourselves..you run laps, you lift weights, you eat right! Same with this Christian race, we resist temptation, we get rid of things that are binding us down, things we are controlled by, ungodliness, we seek the Lord! I encourage you with this because I"m going through it and I'm up against something that I do not know what the Lord wants me to do in this situation...I can see the good, but I can see the hinderance! keep running the race guys!! Keep training, keep running with a purpose, and believe you are running for the goal..JESUS!!

Jesus Time is SOO good....

So this morning, I woke up at 8am, though we don't have to leave until 11am, to have some Jesus time. I have been pretty frustrated and well, who better to go to then God himself, who understands! So this morning, I had some breakfast, read in 1 John. Feeling, like, "Ugh, I just need to get away!" I went outside and sat somewhere where I was completely secluded. I just talked to God out loud, because I have to do that, lol, and told him everything that I'm feeling and asking Him for strength to have a good attitude. The thing is He spoke to me to continue to love and to me I'm always scared of getting walked over, but he told me that Jesus got walked over when he was accused for something He didn't do, but he knew the purpose of why He was going through it. Same with me! IT was SOO cool! God took me to Psalm 35 and its exactly what I'm going through. The same thing David did with fasting, I did! It was SOO cool! Though, I feel like I can do nothing any more about a situation, God told me to constantly look to Him..to speak when I'm spoken to and do that in a non-harsh way. Even if its nodding my head, or a simple, "yes". To continue to focus on him, and pure in the situation. Seriously guys, when we are in situations in our lives that seem way over our heads, when we have done everything we can in our power to do the right thing, remain faithful to God, as HARD as it is, continually follow what He tells us to do..and love! Not that you have to be fake, but to not seek revenge, or be mean, just simply love. What I mean by simply, is show respect. The thing is, even though it may seem God is silent or absent in the situation, he is TOTALLY there working in the situation and we HAVE to believe it! There is a reason for everything and even when it turns our differently than we thought, we have to trust He is doing something and BELIEVE me, I can totally see what He is doing with me, and there may be more that I don't know until later! So be encouraged out there..God works out everything for the good for those who love Him! Amen!

middle of no where..but awesome kids!

So, today we were in West Liberty,KY which is in the mountains in the middle of no where! So we arrive at our middle school for the day and the contact person, the person we meet with at the schools, gives us a great big hug! I was like "shaweet!" i like hugs! She was super helpful and bubbly! She sent some 7th graders to help us set-up. The two boys I got to really have a cool convo with is Hasten and Jacob. They were 2 football players. Hasten was tiny and small and Jacob was short and chubby! Awesome, AWesome kids! Hasten helped me set-up speakers and tape the cords down. He was SOO eager to help! He told me that he plays football and how they were undefeated until yesterday..poor guy! Then Jacob came up to us and asked if he could hang out and help us tear down after the shows..OF COURSE!! Hasten and Jacob sat with me the whole time!!They loved "Dare to Move" and Jacob was a big Eminem fan. He told me how his house got burnt down and had to live in a hotel for 3 months. He said that because a girl in the video had to do that because mold was growing in their house. He also felt bad because he knows some kids with epilepsy and in the video 2 kids talk about how they are teased because they have epilepsy. It was soo cool to hear these 2 boys comment! Hasten and Jacob helped a little bit tearing down but they had to go! Bummer! But It was so cool to have encouraged these 2 boys and they encouraged me! Hasten was just excited I think for someone to hear him out!The contact person told us how 78% of those kids in the school live below the poverty line and how most of them our involved with illegal prescription drug use either them or their parents..its sad bc these kids either go home to an empty house or to a house where the parents are passed out from drugs. My heart breaks for these kids today. But with these opportunities to pour into students... I LOVE MY JOB!!! God is soo good! Even when difficult days come, God is still able to provide opportunities!! I dont let anything hold me back and its amazing how God worked with me through that! I'm here to live for Him!! Seriously..give God 110% of your day..and see what He does!! Just keep your eyes on him and nothing else...you can't go wrong..even when other things around you seem messed up..you are still filled with joy..those other things dont bother you!!

Georgia was AMAZING and a blessing!

So, last blog I wrote on Wednesday...funny how God works! As you can see in the last blog, I was feeling really lonely! Wanting to fellowship and have fun with people and be around people! Well...God is SOOOO faithful you guys!! Like, seriously! PLEASE, we often underestimate Him so much at times!! Bri and I had to do a show in Jonesboro,GA which is just south of Atlanta. We arrive at the church, thinking this will just be a typical set-up! Well, we had TON of high school boys come help us set-up so we had like a 20 min. set up! Then the pastor asked if we would like to share our stories of how we got into Camfel. So Bri and I shared our stories. Then afterwards, we had a ton of kids come up and talk to us bout how they liked the show and about Camfel. Well, then the pastor, invited us to go to whats called "Truett's grill" which is chik-fil-a but a special kind! We went thinking, ok, we dont know anyone! DUDE!!!! before you know it, we were there for like 2 or 3 hours chatting it up with high school and college students..FELLOWSHIPPING!! We had some awesome convos about where God has taken us in our lives, music, and just stuff in general! We are even facebook friends with these people!! I was SOOO blessed by their fellowship last night, Bri and I didn't want to leave!! SERIOUSLY!! Praise our Awesome Dad, our HEavenly father who hears all prayers!!! He knew what I needed! He heard my cry!!! And he answered!! THE LORD IS FAITHFUL EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT!!! It was so amazing you guys!! I could not believe he did it that fast!!! Amen!! whoo hoo!! Keep following Him guys!! seriously, even when it seems impossible, the Lord makes all things possible! AHHH!! I LOVE JESUS! HE IS SOOOO GOOD!!! TOO GOOD! AHHH!!

..and maybe i miss home....

Well, God has been certainly doing A LOT with me on this job. I was able to talk to a student yesterday where we were in Brentwood,TN. He was telling me how his dad lives in California. I could tell there was some hurt there, just by the way his tone of voice was and his body language. It was cool because God told me I would be given a word to know exactly how to pray for a student. I'm pretty sure this kid's parents are divorced and is pretty broken up about it. I'm so excited to be able to be a prayer warrior in these kids' lives on the road, as well as ministering to them. God has definitely been preparing me.
Its been a bit hard, though. The past 2 days or so, I just have been feeling..maybe homesick I guess. Its more, I think loneliness. I miss hanging out in big groups! I'm an extrovert and so being in big groups, mingling, is what I do! Well, life on the road, you don't get that too much. Its pretty much you and your partner. Yesterday, I was thinking about my life in college. I was always doing something, always hanging out with people, always social. Even this summer, I was always with my family or friends. In Cali, for training, our whole Camfel team were tight! We hung out all the time. Now, its just..its hard! I miss fellowship! I miss hanging out, having meals together, laughing. Yesterday, Bri and I went shopping here in Marietta, GA (just outside Atlanta) and I think I got so desperate that I talked to pretty much every worker in the stores we went to. I miss my life at home, just being social and always hanging out. I miss my home because I would wake-up every morning and chat with my grandma for a couple hours. I miss hanging with my dad and stepmom, watching movies and playing the Wii with my lil bro Everett. I miss my mom and all my friends! i guess I'm struggling with a bit of loneliness on the road because I miss community.
I know God has me in this for a reason, and i know at least one it is to bring me closer to Him. I know this is all to make me stronger. Its just that I think I get freaked out sometimes thinking.."I miss being with people..how much longer can I take??" I was fine until just maybe yesterday. I know I can do this, its just hard sometimes I think. I guess I'm just getting attacked...spiritual warfare. If you think about it, pray for me. Some of you might be able to relate to this. But we need to persevere, we need to see this thing as an opportunity, a growing experience, rather than a negative, hard battle. Its a challenge! I know God's got out backs...He is teaching us something and we might not see it crystal clear yet..but I"m gunna look back on this one day and be say, "OH! Thats why!"

hard week to relaxation

I"m telling you, we had some of the worse scenarios in kentucky. i just don't get it! Haha, Bri and I pretty much want nothing to do with Kentucky. But in those times, boy, has God taught me alot...patient endurance for sure! This weekend was pretty nice. I got to just chill and watch the ND game...which man, bummer they lost! But they put up a good fight! MI really got nothing on us! LoL. Anyways, I'm really learning alot on this job...I'm really seeing a mirror image of who I use to be. My desire is to be constantly transformed by God...sanctification. Touring has been so interesting, and the people God is putting in my path, He has been using to shape me. I really see how judgmental I was, even in this summer. I am so in awe of how people's relationship with God is not this particular formula. Its a unique, intimate, personal relationship that we each have with our Creator! Holy Crap! I'm really grasping the concept that God does not expect us to perform for Him, but for Him to work through us. Just to let you know, we all suck at life. We need God! We are gunna fail, we are going to mess up! And my problem was is I would beat the crap out of myself when I would mess up. I wouldn't wanna get up. I would just wanna sulk in my own self-pity, thinking I was never good enough. This morning, I had such an encouraging conversation with my boyfriend. He really understands that its not about performing but just loving God and living life to the fullest. Yeah, we are gunna mess up, but the thing is, we get back up! We can't just sulk. We can't live in shame because that's a false reality. God has called us to live a life of freedom! I love the Lord, and because I love him, I want to obey Him. However, in order to obey Him, I need his grace! I can't depend on myself to live this "perfect performance of a life"! I'm serious people! God is opening my eyes like none other! I don't want to go back to that person where I worried about everything! Anxiety ruled my life and it no longer will have a hold on me! Anxiety is not living a life of freedom! Now, I'm not saying to pull the "sin now, ask for forgiveness later" deal because we are not to abuse God's grace. I am such a "black and white" person where I think Christians should have the same opinions and agree on everything..ok, yes, maybe in a perfect world. However, we dont live in one. Even as Christians, we have our own opinions of how things are, but one thing we do share is that we are saved by the blood of Jesus and we are living a life towards the same goal! Yes, they're might be some different opinions like.."In order to receive the Holy Spirit, you must speak in tongues", for example...well I dont know..but just because someone doesn't or does believe that doesn't mean they are not Christian. I struggled with the Catholic Church for a long time because i thought they are were leading people astray and yeah, we can be able to see things that our unbiblical in certain areas of any religion..however, i know they're are people out there who do have a personal relationship with Christ, such as my Mom. She is catholic and believes in the catholic rituals, however, she does have a relationship with God. Who am I to judge beyond the Almighty!?! Oh man, I"m glad God broke me of this. I had no clue! I just want to encourage you out there, to really ask God for His eyes, to see people as He sees them! We are so quick to judge off our lil pea brains compared to God's! Ya'll rock and God is good! If you don't know Him, you should! He is an awesome Father, an awesome Friend, an awesome Counselor, an awesome "everything you need" and nothing will satisfy you more than a relationship with Him!! Amen!

Epic Tuesday!

Wow!! Let me tell you, challenges do come along and, boy, do we need endurance from the Lord for them! Today, we had a show in Miamisburg, OH at an elementary school, then from there we headed and now are in Frankfort, KY. We arrived at our Days Inn hotel, peaceful and so happy to be able to take a nap! However, when I run out to Tiny Tim (Yes, we named our van because it is tiny compared to the others and it had a "gimp" (aka..nail in tire) when we first got it) to try to get my luggage, the back of the van would not open! What!?! Why, you ask!?!? I'll tell you the reason, hang in there! So I grab Bri and we try opening it. We call Andrew, our boss, to let him know whats up and we decide to call triple A. No luck, the guy didn't even try! He just looked at the van and was like, "Can't help ya!" So we decided to try a Ford dealership (Tiny Tim is a Ford Transit). "Umm..we are closing, sorry!" they say. Are you kidding me?!? So we try one 12 miles down the road. "Yeah, we close in 10 minutes. sorry!" they say. What?! Come on! You are suppose to be open til like 6pm, granted its only 4:45pm. So we call Andrew and we are trying to call locksmiths around town. I get a hold of "pop-a-lock"..yeah, the lady couldn't even understand me nor knew what she was doing. Andrew told Bri and I to hang tight. So, we decided to go to our favorite place that always makes us feel better know matter what...DQ!! We sat down, got some ice creams, trying to figure out what to do. Bri is smiling and making faces at this baby then I decide to ask, what looked like to be the mom of the baby and the grandpa, if there were any locksmiths around. They said no but to try the police department! Granted, we were praying over the lock, praying over the car, asking Jesus to help us! So we decided to head to the police department, praying this would work. We arrive there and the place looked kinda sketch, but we were determined! The front-desk lady sends out the policeman and he tries using rods and all kinds of gadgets to get this thing open...no luck. So then officer James comes and takes a look, while a 3rd policeman joins them. They are astonished how our wooden shelves were put together (there was no way to get from the front of the van to the back because we had a wooden shelving unit). Officer James gets a drill and we all decided to take the whole shelving unit apart. To make along story short, we drilled for hours because, seriously, that van prolly had 200 screws in it! Then finally we see that a speaker was caught on the lock that jammed the door that we can not open. So then officer James, being a blessing sent from Jesus, redesigned our shelving unit and by the time it was all done, it was 8:00pm...considering we started this at 2:30pm! So, yes, you will have bad days..and me being on the road, loving my job, still has bad days. HOWEVER, when we trust in the Lord, when we remain faithful and know that He will help us, even when it doesn't seem like it..you get a whole new shelving unit! Officer James was a blessing to us because he helped us figure out the problem and did not leave our side! AND..his shelving unit is even better than the one we had before! So be encouraged out there!! You never know how God works..and yes, he works in unexpected, strange, and ways we think are horrible..but they end up being HUGE blessings! Crazy day, but God always remains faithful!!!

Chill weekend...Labor Day

Well, I'm here, resting in Middletown,OH just between Cincinnatti and Dayton. Friday we had 2 schools to do..a middle school and a high school. I had a rough morning because I was questioning where everything was going in my life, this job, my relationships, why I'm even doing this job. Set-up at the first school (Middle school) was frustrating because I could not the projection line-ups correctly and when other things are on your mind, its hard to focus. We had some 8th grade boys helped us pack up, which they did awesome! Then we went to the high school. We had about an hour to spare so I went to have some God time in solitude. Its amazing how, though we feel like God isn't there or He's not listening to us, He is there and He is listening us. He does hear our cries for help! When we went into the High School, a student Ben helped me set up and tear down. You could tell he just wanted someone to listen to him. He was a cross country and track runner. So we both shared our experiences with cross country. You could tell when a big crowd came, he was intimidated and would back-off. I think the kid is unsure where he fits in. I'm glad God gave me an opportunity to talk to him. Though it wasn't about salvation or sharing the gospel, i shared Jesus in a way that God gave me the grace to show this kid that I care and that God cares. Then through that, God reminded me why I'm doing this job. He wants me to reach youth! He wants me to reach people for the glory of Him so that all may come to know Him. I feel like everything I have ever known is being challenged during this job. I'm really starting to have a broken heart for people wherever they are at in their life. I use to be so judgmental towards people thinking, "oh! they have to be just like me if they are to follow Christ." But the cool thing is, God put a guy in my life who challenges me. He sees things in the light of God's grace and sees people with compassion on them like God does. I struggle with thinking that I have to be all on top of it. Its all up to me! Yes, we should strive perfection. Yes we should not abuse grace and just give into sin. However, we should love on God and bask in His grace, let Him work through us to live a godly life. The scripture that I keep coming to is Romans 9:30-32, "Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God's standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place. But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting Him." Its by FAITH that we are saved NOT PERFECTION!! I was and am struggling with being like the people of Israel. I think that I have to earn God's grace still! The thing is, when we just love God, our hearts change where you automatically want to do God's will. Jesus says, "If you love me, you'll obey me" When you love someone, you don't want to hurt them on purpose, though we will at times, we don't want to..same with God! No, you are not going to be perfect and God knows that. However, when we approach the throne in humility and confess our sins, we are forgiven! Jesus is not expecting us to perform...chill out, you are accepted. However, Jesus wants you to experience a love that this world can never offer! Something beyond human understanding. And its the most amazing, restful, peaceful thing anyone could ever experience! When we just love God, our eyes, our hearts, and our minds transform into His and we begin to see things from God's perspective (Ezekiel 37:25-27). I always thought that life has to happen in this "formulaic" way and God does not work that way..he works in many different ways..and in the ways we need them! I never knew I was such a judgmental person and God TOTALLY clarified I was. I pray this encourages you and helps you know that you are loved and accepted by the God who created this universe and has a love for you that is beyond imaginable! GIGATT! (God is good all the time ;) )

kenosha,WI show!

The show went great yesterday! We did 3 showings of "Dare to Move" to 6th,7th, and 8th graders! Though we didn't get started til 45min after we were suppose to, we had time to spare because Bri and I dominated in setting up fast! The schools was SO humid inside. Bri and I sweated SO much! But as long as the shows went great, we were happy!
Kenosha was so much fun! My amazing boyfriend, Cameron, and his partner Anthony ended up having a show in kenosha as well. So, Bri and I stayed at the same hotel they did. They were 3 doors down! It was so good to just chill and see a team from Camfel! After our show was over that day, Cameron and Anthony surprised us at our school to help tear down our equipment (which went so much faster)! Us 4 went to subway and got some sandwiches while me, being my typical self, never sure of what I want, confused the cashier by wanting cookies. Poor guy, but I think he enjoyed it! We went to go get our oil changed with the guy at Sears and that was fun! Good time of fellowship! Then we drove to Chi-town to get some "Berry Chill" a frozen yogurt place!! Though our time in Chicago with Cameron and Anthony was short, we had SO much fun! God is doing some amazing things on this journey! Alot of it, I never expected. Though I have not yet had a verbal encounter with a student yet, there definitely is some encounters by the Holy Spirit because He is working all the time!

Finally..the start of touring...

So far, I have never driven so much in my life! Friday, Bri (my teammate) and I, had a show in Santa Barbara, CA! Successful setup, i must say! We had some awesome middle school boys help us set up and tear down. The school loved the show. Oh! Did I say what the film is called?? Its "Dare to Move"..yes..the song is in it. Dare to Move is the assembly film we are showing in schools that encourages kids to step out of their comfort zone, face their fears, and be all they can be. Like i said, we can't go inside a public school and talk about God, but they are based off scripture. Anyways, we spent the night in vegas with bri's friend and then headed off to Parker, CO to stay with some family there. Driving from vegas to colorado was the coolest but weirdest thing in my life. We drove probably like 14 hours. The mountains in Utah, are SOOOo weird. I felt like I was in a dream or something. But when we hit the Rockies...OH MAN!! I was like, "Jesus, you are SOOO amazing!" Rockies felt like home to me (though i was there only like 2 months ago). Driving through the mountains just gives such a good depiction of God's majesty! While going into that, God has been so faithful on this trip. The one thing that i have learned so far is that not everyone has the exact same relationship as I do with God. Just how I might know someone you do but for example, my inside jokes with them are going to be different than yours. Before starting this job, i guess I judged people in the way that their relationship with God had to look like mine. That is false! Everyone has their own unique relationship with God. God convicted me of this and boy, did i feel bad. I met so many people with Camfel and through that, God just opened my eyes to people even more. How we can all encourage each other as bro's and sis's in Christ. We need to spur each other on because this life is not easy, and it can be so confusing! I learned through a friend I met at Camfel something that was really cool. His relationship with God is like, if God's grace and love was a hot tub, this guy is chillin in it. I always struggled and still struggle with this mindset that I need to perform for God, that he is looking down at me thinking, "its all on you Jessie.." When really its "Jessie, trust in me, remain and love on me..I will guide you, I am with you! I will help you!" God doesn't want us to perform for him. He wants to help us and be with us in the things he wants us to perform. We are never alone! Ministry is rest! Read Hebrews 4! So often we get caught up thinking, "oh no! I gotta meet the quota this month for ministry or I"m not a christian!" That is false! And any of you who are struggling with that, ask God to open up your eyes like He did mine. God will bring opportunities, our hearts just have to be open to them! I"m excited to see what God will do more with me this year! I'm now in Kenosha, WI ready to do a show tomorrow..taking the day chilling! I love you all and hope you are doing well! miss you bunches!

2 weeks of training!

So..FINALLY I can blog! The training site we were at these past 2 weeks had no wifi and on top of that, I really didn't have time to blog. We were pretty much working our butts off from 6:30am-6:30pm everyday! Though training was intense, I have met some AWESOME people! The unity all of us camfel techs had together these past 2 weeks was SOO God! He gave us unity between all of us! Though a bunch of us are starting to take off and begin touring, I know we will stay in touch! I have made some awesome friends! God has been teaching me so much about multi-tasking, which i do say, i am horrible at! But though training was draining (ha, that rhymed!) and it was hard to even find God time, I was able to speak and communicate with him during time tests, set ups, and just during the day. God has been giving me so much grace with this job. I never thought i would be able to figure out tech equipment, set up huge frames in under 10 mins, do a whole set up in 32 minutes, and do what i do now pretty much! I really do love my job so far! I have an awesome partner named Bri! We will be touring the midwest which consists of Wisconsin, Illinois, INDIANA!!, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, and Georgia! So I"ll be close to home! I love california!! its so awesome! I just can not get over how much God has been giving me grace with doing this job and helping me with my homesickness which has not been too bad because honestly, i dont have time to think about home because training is so intense but also the unity that we have out here is SOOOO sweet!! But pretty much that is a brief description of the first 2 weeks! I'll be sure to continue blogging regularly now! :)

Preparing...

Well, here is my first post. I do not leave for Cali (LA) until August 7th. However, God has been preparing me so much already! The past 4 weeks, I have been going on these AMAZING walks with God! Just recently, he has given me a gift, the word of knowledge. He speaks a word to me for someone and I know then how to pray for them. God told me on Sunday (7-18-10) that He will give me a word for students on this job and I will know how to pray for them. I'm not gunna lie, I have doubts sometimes, always thinking it is me making something up in my head, but I continue to trust God and He confirms it through His Word and situations. I have been asking God to hear His voice, and let me tell you, ask and it will be given (Matthew 7:7-8)! God knew my desire to hear His voice clearly and He is working with me to do so, and boy, has there been progress!