Survivor...Outwit, Outplay,Outlast

Have you ever watched that show Survivor?? I use to with my dad back in the day when it first came on as was "the thing to watch". Well, now that I look back on it, that show somewhat encourages me now. Those people got thrown on an island and in order to win a million dollars they have to stay on...persevere, do what they have to do to survive! Well, if anything maybe God is playing that "game" with me. Not meaning that in a disrespectful way to Him. Except I'm not playing for a million dollars. I'm trying to survive this "game" with the end goal in mind...Jesus! I just moved in my apartment 2 days ago. It is so weird to have my own place. I'm not really sure if I'm prepared for it and it scares me. But God obviously thinks I am. The thing is, this "game of Survivor" if you will..is where I can not obviously maintain stability and growth and everything I need without God. I need to keep the alliance I have with God so I don't get voted off the island, OR importantly the race! I sometimes wonder why God called me here. Yes, I'm still trying to figure that out. Those of you who know me well, more of this goes for my girls, know why I freak out (ya girls, here me! lol). But honestly, I know I want this certain something and I was willing to give it up, but God smack dab put me in front of it again and I don't understand b/c it does not seem it is working out. I guess sometimes we get to point in our walk with God where things just begin not to make sense and everything is moving around you so fast that you feel like you can't grasp on. You gotta just go with the crazy current like I said in the last blog. I was reading in James this past week..the 1st chapter I believe and it is towards the end where it talks about God will not mislead us or cast a shadow to misguide us. He does not tempt us or lead us astray. I know Satan wants me to believe that lie..and honestly, somedays are alot harder than others to believe that. I feel sometimes I can be an emotional wreck b/c of it. I guess in order to keep me on this "island", to keep me going for the prize..is my alliance with Jesus. The one who will give me strength, understanding, peace, and especially hope! He's my daily food, my daily breathe..I need to believe that b/c of that alliance is torn..I'm done. Think about it guys. Do you feel lost? Do you have the alliance to keep you in the game? You can't do it on your own..believe me, I tried here..I jacked myself up. I"m screwin up left and right and I"m so sick of it. I get so exhausted.. I hate when I listen to my feelings rather than God's truth. It ruins your life..LITERALLY! Keep the goal in mind...your treasures will be in Heaven. Keep your eyes on Jesus...

God's Word is our daily bread...

So lately, well probably for this past month being here in Kauai, I have been in such a spiritual funk. I have been feeling so dry, literally I was just starving myself from the Word. I didn't have any motivation, nor desire to dig in the Word. I thought maybe if I just "talk to God" meaning, this one way conversation with only me talking, that would be good enough. I don't think so. To be honest, I'm still struggling with why God still has me here. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Hawaii! I have met some awesome people here but I guess I don't know where my niche is exactly. So this past week I had a few blowouts but Sunday night was the biggest. During the day on Sunday, I was on the west side with some friends, having a cookout, swimming, getting eatin by waves pretty much, lol. The waves over there are so powerful and intense! Anyways, one of the friends I was with, Jon, was talking about why people drown in currants. He was talking about how when someone is stuck in a currant, they waste all their energy and time trying to fight the currant that they exhaust themselves and then they die. Rather than, just letting the currant take them to wherever it ends. You have a better chance of living that way. Little did he know, God used him to speak to me. God said Sunday night, "Jessie, you are fighting the currant. You are trying so hard to do things and live life here on your own that you are exhausting yourself to stay above the water." I have been trying to figure things out on my own, and making things work the way I think they should go. However, when we do that, we exhaust ourselves. Monday after work, I just dove in the Word. I had to whether i felt like it or not, and honestly I didn't feel like it. I believed the lie of, "Oh, I know whats in there but its not pertaining to what is going on in my life right now." Yeah, what a bluff! When I opened my bible, and even just read a couple verses, I began to realize how hungry I was. Its like when you think you aren't hungry but then you maybe eat a little bit and then you end up eating a whole bunch and realized you were starving?? Yeah, same with the Word! It felt so good to "eat" to be with my Jesus. To fellowship with Him and be at His feet. I just repented for trying to do this on my own and not involving him in my life. I was trying to do things for God rather than God helping me do things for him. We can not live this life on our own. We are made for relationship and especially relationship with God. Jesus loves you so much that in order to have a relationship with you, He died for you because you are SO worth it to Him. And God was able to go through the pain of seeing His son on a cross, crucified! Imagine someone you love so deeply crucified on a cross!! How horrifying is that! Whether its your husband, your parents, a friend, a boyfriend, girlfriend..whatever! Just know that God paid an ultimate price to give you life and He wants you to live it to the fullest by giving Himself to you. His ways are way better than our ways. I know a life living for Jesus is not always easy. There is friction against the world with it, there is sacrifice and hardship but that is because we were born in the a world where its all lies, and in order to get away from that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life! He is the only way to a true, abundant life worth living for. I want to encourage you to dig deep into the Word. Have a study session and have a conversation with God. If you want God to reveal Himself to you, He will. Just keep yourself open! :)

Life as we know it....

Wow, been busy lately, haven't had time to blog! So far on my journey of living in Kauai, its been going well. I mean, I definitely have my days where I'm like, "What the heck am i doing here?!" or "Wait, what am I here for?" or the other bi-polar side of "Dude this is so awesome!" or "OH YEAH! This is why God has me!" I mean just because this is Hawaii, people, doesn't mean it is in any way easy. I really miss my family and friends back home but just when I begin to freak out and cry, God reminds me of His word and promises. I found an apartment and I ended up getting it but I just pray that I can afford it! I mean starbucks has awesome benefits and all but I mean growing up, there is a lot responsibilities! But ya know, if God wants me out here, He will provide! If it doesn't work out, then I'll move on to the next thing He has for me. The other night, I was just really questioning why I was here and just crying out to God for dear help! I felt so weak, so helpless, I felt like I was ruining things. Sometimes out here, I feel like God has abandoned me. But sure enough, God comes in and reminds me that He has never left my side and that often, when I get in some stupid predicament, its a chance for me to learn and be humbled. So often, we think when we make a mistake, we think we are doomed. The world wants us to think that life can never "be fixed". Well, thats true, but when we have Jesus, he already "fixes" our life. We are made "fixed" through him. I hate when I mess up! I hate when there was "the better option" and I didn't take it. But you know guys, God works through our mistakes. Dude, ok so my dad sent me this awesome encouraging letter this week about getting through adversity. We can't let things stop us from getting to our goal, to where the Lord has called us. Now I'm telling you, when God calls us somewhere, its not going to be easy and sweet, its going to be tough sometimes. My friend Jeff reminds me when I'm homesick to remember why God calls me out there and he told me before I came here to hang on to what God said because when I come out here, things are going to get hard and I'm going to want to jet. Yeah, Jeff had that right, lol. But through the strength and grace of God and my awesome best friend, Jason who is here with me, I'm getting through this. I don't know exactly my purpose here yet, but I do know I came to minister and one of them is through singing. I don't know why but I believe that is what it is. Jason led an awesome bible study last night at church and it reminded me to exemplify, show my love for the Lord. Its about being genuine in our relationship with Him and other people. When we love someone, we show it! I'm so in love with Jesus that I want to show it! I don't want to be scared! What does man have on us? Oh, they will hate us? They will fire us? They will persecuate us? So what!? God is so much bigger than that!! I speak for myself here, too guys! Jesus wants to be apart of our lives! He has a better plan than we do for ourselves and its abundant...its filled with significant purpose! I know I mess up alot, but its so humbling and amazing to know the grace of God! This post might be kind of scattered in topic but I pray the Holy Spirit speaks to you through this to put the pieces together b/c He is out-pouring all this from me!! Jesus loves you so much that you were worth dying for! :D

Opportunities and Growth..

Man, I love to blog about what I'm doing out here. I hope this encourages you with whatever you are dealing with. Alright so life so far here has had its ups and downs, but I can't complain. This is definitely where the Lord wants me. Now, I'm not saying it is easy in anyway but its really teaching me of how the Lord provides and to depend and trust upon Him. Work at Starbucks is going great! I hung out with 2 co-workers/friends today, Keanna and Mariah! Awesome, Awesome girls. Keanna and I met for breakfast at Kaleheo cafe, and then went to the beach with her ADORABLE son, Rider. Then we went to this restaurant called Kalapaki Joe's with Mariah. We had some awesome conversations about Jesus. Dude, if anything, I know God wanted me out here to encourage these girls, and they have encouraged me! They both are my trainers at Starbucks but its so awesome of how we are pouring into each others lives. They wanna check out our church, Relevant Church of Kauai! So I'm super stoked. I guess, if anything God is teaching me to just pour into the people around me, Christian or non-Christian. I was talking to my friend, Drew, tonight and we don't know exactly if we are suppose to find the opportunities or let the opportunities come to us, but what we do know is to make the most of every opportunity (eph.5:16). I believe every time we have an encounter with someone, there is an opportunity to show Christ, whether with words or with actions. However the Spirit leads. I definitely can see how God used Camfel for all this. Just to help find myself of who I am in Christ as well as persevering. I do miss my friends so much back at home, but the Lord has been providing me with encouragement! So let me just say this, and in no way was I awesome at this..Wherever the Lord leads you or whatever He wants you to do, it may be hard, but bite the bullet and do it. Take the uncomfortableness and take the risk and go for it. Jason kept telling me, "Its not going to be uncomfortable forever" So true because I'm starting to really adjust. No, not everyday is going to be easy. We are going to have those days like, "AHH! What am I doing!" or "This sucks! I want out!" But wherever the Lord wants you, He WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU! It may not seem like it right away but He does. He takes care of the birds doesn't he? So how much more valuable are you then they? I know its not always easy..we care too much of what people will think (Thats a BIG stopper) and we worry to much about what will happen. Well, let me tell you this, what power does man have over you? Why should we fear weak, wimpy man rather than the Almighty Powerful God. And how do you know what will happen when you can't even predict what will happen the next 2 minutes of a TV program you never have seen before. The all-knowing, Almighty, LOVING God wants to have a relationship with you where He wants to give you the hook-up! No, it won't be easy. Its a tough road, but you will see how it is so worth it! Its better than what the worldly life could ever offer because life with God lasts forever, FOR-E-VER!!! Feel free to facebook me or email me (jlacay88@gmail.com) or comment if you wanna talk!

What bleeds when trials come...

So far I have been living in Kauai for one week. Things have been coming along fast. Meeting people, starting my job, helping with church stuff, trying to get established (got a PO Box now so now I'm legit lol). However, things have been bleeding through my life now that I never knew were there and most of that is....PRIDE. Its funny how growing up, like when we were in school, or if you are in school we are all about pride! Being so proud of our school! Showing school spirit and how we are the best and we are the definition of domination! Its all about who is the best! Maybe in the US today, its all about pride, citizen pride! Being the best! Everything is about being the best! I feel for guys because they have a more pressure than girls to be the best at performance! Society tells guys that they got to be on top. But is that how God expected it to be? Does God call us to, "BE THE BEST!" or "Be Faithful"? Are we suppose to be the best at being faithful? Is there suppose to be a competition between us and our brothers and sisters? I'm telling you, I never realized how much pride I had until I came out here. To make it short, I have been having to depend on Jason and it is not easy. Yes, don't get me wrong, I am SOOO appreciative of that boy and thankful that he is here because I would not be where I am at, however, I have a pride issue of being depenedent. I never knew I had a selfish desire to act like I have it all together. I know at some extent we all do, but God is breaking me of mine. God made the body for a reason. Not to just fellowship and talk about him, but to learn, grow, and help one another. A body functions as one and if we all don't help each other out, we don't move. I'm use to being the one to walk into a room and just connect with everyone, make friends easily. I'm making friends, its just taking slower than I thought. I shouldn't get so depressed over it, thats stupid because things like this take time. I guess God is testing me with my patience, too. But on top of all this, I'm learning so much on how God provides things, on HIS TIMING! I have been hanging out with one of the pastor's wife. They have 3 boys-4,2,and 5 months. They are barely making it with rent, yet, they are willing to give everything they have to help others. The pastor's wife, she is home with those 3 kids everyday while her husband works 3 jobs, and its a lot of work! I give her so much credit. She could easily just give up and tell God, "Forget this! I'm sick of this! I'm done!" But yet she doesn't because she is determined to let the Lord lead and provide. I'm sure it is stressful for them, however, their faith in God is so real and abundant! God is going to bless them. I believe it! Just spending time with that family really calmed me down about finances and having to depend on people. Its how God provides sometimes. I just pray I can get over this pridefulness. I HATE pride. It really destroys you because you become so hard and stubborn that it can stunt your growth in character. I don't know what you are dealing with, but if God wants to work on something with you, yeah, its going to be frustrating, you are going to want to shut down, but if you can bite the bullet and let the pain run off while its hurting, which God will give you strength for if you ask, it will be so worth it. Its really true, no pain, no gain.

So far in Kauai...

Alright! I made it! Here I am! Loving Hawaii for sure! If you know me pretty well, you know that I'm in love with Hawaii and that this is where I always wanted to be! I never knew it would happen so fast! Ok, so here are some updates people! So far, things have been going great, intimidating at times, but good! Jason has been really taking care of me and I'm so thankful for that! I'm staying with an awesome couple, Shannon and Eric, with their 3 kids, Gunnar, Anna, and Hans. They are awesome! And I love my lil room with a bathroom! I led worship at a church up at the North Shore. It is the home church of Bethany Hamilton (Soul Surfer) and her dad was there along with Craig T. Nelson (the guy who plays the Doctor in Soul Surfer and was in Cheers, Coach, the dad from the proposal and family stone I believe). Worship there went well. God just really flowed through my voice! I was nervous but God totally had it! It was so cool, because a lot of people were encouraged by my story moving out here. I'm glad God used that. One lady came up to me and said, "You singing 'Relentless' just gave me the absolute meaning of the gospel of Grace" sooo awesome how God can use us! Then I did my interview at starbucks on Monday. Got it full-time! They were going to start me out part-time but God totally had it work out! So that was soo cool! I start today actually! I'm pumped! Went to the beach yesterday, got some sun! I'm seriously its just so cool to see God's awesome creation through where we live! Yesterday I went to the Relevant's women's bible study and it was awesome. We are going through this book called Radical. Its about what it really means to follow Jesus. How we in the US consider luxuries a lot of times and a necessity. Did you know even a knife and fork is a luxury?? Crazy..I mean here in the US we are considered the wealthiest people on the planet. Even if you are living in your car, you are considered wealthy. Its just here in the US we compare ourselves to everyone else. Seriously, if we could budget things..like let's just say we make 100,000 a year and we know we can live off 20,000 a year...just imagine if we gave the rest away which would be 80,000 what a difference that would make in our world..if we all lived simple. Now, I'm not saying having nice things, or a nice house and all that is wrong, and I'm not just saying to you all but for myself as well, that we should be good stewards of our money, and boy, to I struggle with that. Not that I overly expend but I sometimes can be selfish with it b/c I think of me. Being here has really helped me think about giving. Everyone here in Kauai, we all help each other out. Not worrying about paying back so much. I mean God has really provided a place for me to stay for a month, a car to use for awhile, my awesome friend to help me out, and awesome fellowship to hang out with as well as a full-time job! I'm serious, when God calls you to do something, it may not be easy, but He will help you and provide for you! I'm so stoked to to be here and I think now, after work, I'm hitting up the beach again! Again, if you know me well, I love the beach! Jesus rocks and I just want to encourage you all to step out in faith! Its not easy, its hard, and its scary but once you make up your mind, take that step, he provides you the way to go!

4 days til the Big Move...

Welp, Camfel is done with..been home for awhile..maybe about a month. Haven't really wrote in this blog lately, so I'm getting to start again. For the past month now, God has shown me where He wants me..its pretty obvious He wants me in Kauai. He has been so faithful in providing everything I need. Literally when things look like they are going to fall apart, the next day or even literally within the next hour, its fixed! I'm that type of person where I plan. I also want to be responsible and make sure everything is secure. Well, God sure is taking me on a leap of faith. You know that scene in Indiana Jones, I think its the 3rd one, where he has to go through all these obstacles to get the room of where the cups were and he had to figure out what cup is the cup Jesus used at the last supper? So there is that one part where he has to take "The Leap of Faith" where he is at a cliff and there is nothing connecting him to the other side, but if He has faith He will step onto a bridge that is invisible. Once he takes the leap of faith, believing, He sees the bridge and walks across it. Its all in perception of believing and thats LITERALLY what God is doing to me right now. I can't plan anything. I most likely have this job at starbucks but I don't have a car, I don't have an apartment yet (Though God hooked me up through my friend Jason that I have a place til the end of June), I have never been on this island but thank God He has provided my friend Jason to help me. I am going out to Kauai like blindfolded it seems but I know He is calling me there. The thing is, guys, we all have our different journeys God takes us on. Maybe you don't know if you are on a journey with Him, maybe you know and you are like me and scared, and maybe you seem like things are boring right now or nothing is happening..whatever it is, God has a specific reason for everything that is happening in your life and it all has to do with going deeper in the level of trust with Him, getting to know Him. Shoot, through all this, I'm for sure going deeper and its scary because I don't really have control but thats why we surrender. I know quite a few people think I am crazy to do this, and well, to the world I am. But living a God-filled life, its so opposite to the world where its gunna look crazy and foolish but God is soo good and so faithful. That honestly, living the worldy way, how the world functions and how the world thinks...now that's crazy and that's foolish. I love how Paul talks about being Fools for Christ! I don't remember where it is at, but if anything we should fall for God, not for worldly crap! I just want to encourage you guys, that whether you are facing some tough issue and I know some of you may be facing persecution, I know I have, its all to bring Glory to God and to bring you close to Him. Through this experience thus far, I have been getting to know Jesus soo much more and boy, have I been clinging to him for dear help because I honestly don't know sometimes how I'm going to make it out there financially! However, He calls, He provides, He conquers!! Nothing is too big for Him!