1 Peter 3:3

Sorry guys I haven't blogged in awhile, its been break and I've been out of routine. Speaking of being out of routine, this break has been good but also challenging. As in my last posts, I was telling you all about my dates with Jesus. Well, since I have been out of routine, I feel like lately I haven't been spending much time with Jesus. Its because I"m out of routine, but that is NOT an excuse. I need to learn to find God even when I"m out of routine, and that made me realize how much I am so driven by a routine! Coming home 2 weeks ago, was not what I expected. It was tough! I cried alot. I think because I was on this new journey with God. God was teaching me SO much and I have been growing alot, and then I go back to the old environment of where I was. It was hard to put the new self in the old environment. Its kinda hard to explain, but God was SO faithful in the process. I felt like friendships were different and that I was different. I had a new perspective and I didn't know how it would fit in the old environment. Fear came over me fast and I was so scared of being in bondage to what I use to be in bondage to. Well, anyways,God helped me through that where it wasn't so much the case. However, being home, I've struggled with outward adornment that 1 Peter 3:3 talks about. It says, "Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewlery, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle, quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." I came home from LA for break, and I look at my closet and realize, I have so much that i don't need! I'm always buying clothes and so obsessed with the way I look and my hair. Its so dumb! I had trouble shopping today with my mom because I realize I don't need these things, and I'm only buying them to impress people. I want to look good! Now, I'm not saying looking good is wrong but when it becomes an anxiety, a pressure, a bondage issues, then that's when its wrong. I've been struggling with looking good as my friends do, but deep down, I just wanna wear what I wanna wear not just because someone is dressed up! I guess its this problem of comparing myself to others. I want to be engulfed by the Love of God, not by society! I'm so sick of doing things just for attention and I struggle with that emotionally and physically. I hate the fact that I sometimes text boys, or flirt with boys, because I want that attention. I don't want to be trapped in the fact of feeling accepted because a boy is flirting with me and I get attention from him. I"m so sick of it! I want to be engulfed and surrounded with Jesus. If a boy gives me attention, I want him to know how in love I am with Jesus and how awesome Jesus is, not what I wear or what I necessarily look like that day. I'm so sick of chasing after useless things, drinking from the wrong fountain. I want the everlasting water, the Jesus water, the one that will satisfy me forever! Jesus is so good and the only one who can fulfill us, not clothes, not boys, not girls, not money, not the high-tech cool stuff. Now I"m not saying its wrong to have those things, but only if you are so consumed by it you are enchained to it. Think about what you are enchainged to, and be willing to let the Holy Spirit convict you of this, so be open. Often we don't want to admit these things so we push it aside, but it takes pain in order to gain freedom...its worth it friends!