Learning to be content...

Its crazy how we go from being little when we think the worst thing in the world is when we have to clean our room, or we didn't get that certain toy we wanted for Christmas. Now, 22 years old, I could careless about such things. I actually like to clean! ha! God has been really taking me on this journey of recognizing Him as my Provider and "Living Water" that Jesus speaks about in John 4. Lets start with the Provider. I was talking to my friend Jeff last night on the phone, and well, though we are in different situations, Him and I are learning a lot how suffering and being uncomfortable can stretch us towards God. We were talking about how we always pray for a "suffering-free" life. But like I said in my latest blogs, suffering is a privilege because we see God's grace in our lives. Suffering brings us on our knees, admitting our weakness, where we become strong by the grace of God. So us becoming weak, actually makes us strong. I think once I hit that point on tour that I could not do these set-ups without God, that's when I was strengthened. I was watching the Pursuit of Happiness featuring Will Smith and his son, last night. This guy, Chris Gardner worked so hard to stay off the streets. How many times things went wrong, how many times he had to fight and figure out a place to sleep every night, he did not give up! There is a scene in a movie when he is at a worship service and he just holds his son closely in his arms and just crys. This just broke my heart and made me realized how much I'm blessed and how someone who has nothing becomes so broken towards the Lord. I grew up in a Middle-class family, had what I needed, got more than I needed, been pretty secure my whole life, living a comfortable life. The thing is, guys, I'm really learning how much I can be so selfish. Why am I so concerned about making sure I'm "comfortable"? Why do I like to be comfortable? I don't think we realize what we have until its taken away. Jeff was saying what he read in the Bible was that if we really wanna live for Jesus, we would sell everything we have and give it to the poor! Isn't that crazy! Now, I'm not saying become homeless but how we should be living a generous life. I'm going to admit it to you, I struggle on tithing because I'm a selfish girl who thinks, "Oh, well I might find something at the mall...or I want to go out to eat with my friends, or I need it for savings" What the crap am I thinking? Why..why do I care so much about myself where there are people out on the streets that don't eat for days..people living on only less than a dollar a day! What I have is not mine, its God's!! Why can't I understand that concept!? I NEVER want to be rich, but if God did so, I want to give a big amount to the poor! I don't want to live a comfortable life, and yes, that is scary thing to say..and I want my heart to get there. The other thing is too, in John 4, Jesus speaks of "living water" and how easily we can think materialism will make me happy, a guy, a girl, money, things, materialism. Pssh, if there is no full content in Jesus, those things will never fulfill us...EVER! Jesus is the ONLY living water there is that we will never thirst. Other things, that we chase after, we will just thirst more when those things are done fulfilling us and fade away. We will never find true content. I don't know guys, my eyes are really being opened here. I want to live a full abundant life in Christ Jesus! I cannot get enough of this man, Jesus! There is something extraordinary in this relationship with Him, that I constantly cannot get enough of, and the thing is, there is more of Him that He wants to give me! I love this man, Jesus! I'm madly in love with Him and I cannot wait to be with Him one day! He is the only person who fulfills me!