What bleeds when trials come...

So far I have been living in Kauai for one week. Things have been coming along fast. Meeting people, starting my job, helping with church stuff, trying to get established (got a PO Box now so now I'm legit lol). However, things have been bleeding through my life now that I never knew were there and most of that is....PRIDE. Its funny how growing up, like when we were in school, or if you are in school we are all about pride! Being so proud of our school! Showing school spirit and how we are the best and we are the definition of domination! Its all about who is the best! Maybe in the US today, its all about pride, citizen pride! Being the best! Everything is about being the best! I feel for guys because they have a more pressure than girls to be the best at performance! Society tells guys that they got to be on top. But is that how God expected it to be? Does God call us to, "BE THE BEST!" or "Be Faithful"? Are we suppose to be the best at being faithful? Is there suppose to be a competition between us and our brothers and sisters? I'm telling you, I never realized how much pride I had until I came out here. To make it short, I have been having to depend on Jason and it is not easy. Yes, don't get me wrong, I am SOOO appreciative of that boy and thankful that he is here because I would not be where I am at, however, I have a pride issue of being depenedent. I never knew I had a selfish desire to act like I have it all together. I know at some extent we all do, but God is breaking me of mine. God made the body for a reason. Not to just fellowship and talk about him, but to learn, grow, and help one another. A body functions as one and if we all don't help each other out, we don't move. I'm use to being the one to walk into a room and just connect with everyone, make friends easily. I'm making friends, its just taking slower than I thought. I shouldn't get so depressed over it, thats stupid because things like this take time. I guess God is testing me with my patience, too. But on top of all this, I'm learning so much on how God provides things, on HIS TIMING! I have been hanging out with one of the pastor's wife. They have 3 boys-4,2,and 5 months. They are barely making it with rent, yet, they are willing to give everything they have to help others. The pastor's wife, she is home with those 3 kids everyday while her husband works 3 jobs, and its a lot of work! I give her so much credit. She could easily just give up and tell God, "Forget this! I'm sick of this! I'm done!" But yet she doesn't because she is determined to let the Lord lead and provide. I'm sure it is stressful for them, however, their faith in God is so real and abundant! God is going to bless them. I believe it! Just spending time with that family really calmed me down about finances and having to depend on people. Its how God provides sometimes. I just pray I can get over this pridefulness. I HATE pride. It really destroys you because you become so hard and stubborn that it can stunt your growth in character. I don't know what you are dealing with, but if God wants to work on something with you, yeah, its going to be frustrating, you are going to want to shut down, but if you can bite the bullet and let the pain run off while its hurting, which God will give you strength for if you ask, it will be so worth it. Its really true, no pain, no gain.

So far in Kauai...

Alright! I made it! Here I am! Loving Hawaii for sure! If you know me pretty well, you know that I'm in love with Hawaii and that this is where I always wanted to be! I never knew it would happen so fast! Ok, so here are some updates people! So far, things have been going great, intimidating at times, but good! Jason has been really taking care of me and I'm so thankful for that! I'm staying with an awesome couple, Shannon and Eric, with their 3 kids, Gunnar, Anna, and Hans. They are awesome! And I love my lil room with a bathroom! I led worship at a church up at the North Shore. It is the home church of Bethany Hamilton (Soul Surfer) and her dad was there along with Craig T. Nelson (the guy who plays the Doctor in Soul Surfer and was in Cheers, Coach, the dad from the proposal and family stone I believe). Worship there went well. God just really flowed through my voice! I was nervous but God totally had it! It was so cool, because a lot of people were encouraged by my story moving out here. I'm glad God used that. One lady came up to me and said, "You singing 'Relentless' just gave me the absolute meaning of the gospel of Grace" sooo awesome how God can use us! Then I did my interview at starbucks on Monday. Got it full-time! They were going to start me out part-time but God totally had it work out! So that was soo cool! I start today actually! I'm pumped! Went to the beach yesterday, got some sun! I'm seriously its just so cool to see God's awesome creation through where we live! Yesterday I went to the Relevant's women's bible study and it was awesome. We are going through this book called Radical. Its about what it really means to follow Jesus. How we in the US consider luxuries a lot of times and a necessity. Did you know even a knife and fork is a luxury?? Crazy..I mean here in the US we are considered the wealthiest people on the planet. Even if you are living in your car, you are considered wealthy. Its just here in the US we compare ourselves to everyone else. Seriously, if we could budget things..like let's just say we make 100,000 a year and we know we can live off 20,000 a year...just imagine if we gave the rest away which would be 80,000 what a difference that would make in our world..if we all lived simple. Now, I'm not saying having nice things, or a nice house and all that is wrong, and I'm not just saying to you all but for myself as well, that we should be good stewards of our money, and boy, to I struggle with that. Not that I overly expend but I sometimes can be selfish with it b/c I think of me. Being here has really helped me think about giving. Everyone here in Kauai, we all help each other out. Not worrying about paying back so much. I mean God has really provided a place for me to stay for a month, a car to use for awhile, my awesome friend to help me out, and awesome fellowship to hang out with as well as a full-time job! I'm serious, when God calls you to do something, it may not be easy, but He will help you and provide for you! I'm so stoked to to be here and I think now, after work, I'm hitting up the beach again! Again, if you know me well, I love the beach! Jesus rocks and I just want to encourage you all to step out in faith! Its not easy, its hard, and its scary but once you make up your mind, take that step, he provides you the way to go!

4 days til the Big Move...

Welp, Camfel is done with..been home for awhile..maybe about a month. Haven't really wrote in this blog lately, so I'm getting to start again. For the past month now, God has shown me where He wants me..its pretty obvious He wants me in Kauai. He has been so faithful in providing everything I need. Literally when things look like they are going to fall apart, the next day or even literally within the next hour, its fixed! I'm that type of person where I plan. I also want to be responsible and make sure everything is secure. Well, God sure is taking me on a leap of faith. You know that scene in Indiana Jones, I think its the 3rd one, where he has to go through all these obstacles to get the room of where the cups were and he had to figure out what cup is the cup Jesus used at the last supper? So there is that one part where he has to take "The Leap of Faith" where he is at a cliff and there is nothing connecting him to the other side, but if He has faith He will step onto a bridge that is invisible. Once he takes the leap of faith, believing, He sees the bridge and walks across it. Its all in perception of believing and thats LITERALLY what God is doing to me right now. I can't plan anything. I most likely have this job at starbucks but I don't have a car, I don't have an apartment yet (Though God hooked me up through my friend Jason that I have a place til the end of June), I have never been on this island but thank God He has provided my friend Jason to help me. I am going out to Kauai like blindfolded it seems but I know He is calling me there. The thing is, guys, we all have our different journeys God takes us on. Maybe you don't know if you are on a journey with Him, maybe you know and you are like me and scared, and maybe you seem like things are boring right now or nothing is happening..whatever it is, God has a specific reason for everything that is happening in your life and it all has to do with going deeper in the level of trust with Him, getting to know Him. Shoot, through all this, I'm for sure going deeper and its scary because I don't really have control but thats why we surrender. I know quite a few people think I am crazy to do this, and well, to the world I am. But living a God-filled life, its so opposite to the world where its gunna look crazy and foolish but God is soo good and so faithful. That honestly, living the worldy way, how the world functions and how the world thinks...now that's crazy and that's foolish. I love how Paul talks about being Fools for Christ! I don't remember where it is at, but if anything we should fall for God, not for worldly crap! I just want to encourage you guys, that whether you are facing some tough issue and I know some of you may be facing persecution, I know I have, its all to bring Glory to God and to bring you close to Him. Through this experience thus far, I have been getting to know Jesus soo much more and boy, have I been clinging to him for dear help because I honestly don't know sometimes how I'm going to make it out there financially! However, He calls, He provides, He conquers!! Nothing is too big for Him!

Commit yourselves to the Lord.....

You guys, lets have a chat. I cannot believe how my God has provided for me this past week and has proven His faithfulness! As you know, I've been struggling to get through this job and just trying to be motivated. On top of that, I believe the Lord is calling me to live in Hawaii on the island of Kauai (at least in Hawaii for sure, but it seems to be the island of Kauai). I was so stressed about this job, how things are going to play out in with Kauai and just life in general. The thing is, seriously, when we stress out, when we are anxious and we plan a billion things in our heads, it gets us know where. Now, I'm not saying, don't plan things, because God did give us a mind and skills to plan, however, we should submit our plans to the Lord and be willing to adjust to what He wants! Let me just tell you this! I was praying so hard these days would go by so fast, and let me tell you..THEY DID! A week til I come home! I mean, Linds and I were completely bored these past 4 weeks and they FLEW!! Also, I was so unsure about Hawaii and how everything was going to play out. I was stressed out about it thinking, "Ok, God wants me to go, so I HAVE TO DO IT!" and God's like, "uhh..Jessie? I gotcha..just be obedient chica!" So right when I thought nothing was working out and the verge of feeling hopeless, Starbucks calls to confirm the interview, then instead of ordering my elliptical on the Price Is Right, they give me $2500 in cash!! I was kinda planning on selling it anyways. It was crazy b/c i was wondering..God how am I gunna afford to even start out there! I even wondered what the reasoning was of being on the Price Is Right was anyways! I mean, God totally knows whats up!! I just want to encourage you guys, to "Commit your plans to the Lord and you will succeed"! When we lay down our plans, and say, "God this is yours...if you want this..then let it happen" He lets everything fall into place! Another example! Linds and I were suppose to leave for Cali, today. However, we got scheduled a show here in Mission,TX for monday! We were so mad because it ruined our plans of what we wanted to do. AH-HA!! Commit your plans to the Lord, Surrender, remember that part?!? So we were like Ok, God's got something for this. HE SURE DID!! We are in an awesome hotel that we got pretty cheap with lots of fun things to do this weekend, then we got some awesome hotels on our back to Cali starting Monday and plus..instead of not getting paid wed, thurs, fri...we get paid!!! So Everyone, please, I'm still learning at this, and I guarantee I will fail again, but the Lord is faithful!! So faithful! When we commit ourselves to the Lord, everything works out! Maybe not in the way we want it to, but in the end, its like, WHOA! better than what I had plan! The Lord knows what He is doing, folks! Trust Him!! I"m so blessed to be serving such an amazing God! How He lets me commit myself to Him and He will take care of me! He wants to give us good things, guys! He really does want to bless us, and sometimes we are too stubborn, too picky and we don't know whats good for us! Trust because He loves!!

22 days left!!

So, Linds and I have been in Texas and its been pretty awesome I must say. I never had a desire to come to Texas, but it is really cool! Everyone is so nice and they say, "HOWDY!" haha! I was talking to my grandma (Dad's mom) the other day and I was telling her, "Though this experience has been hard, I'm glad I did this." Yeah, there has been MANY frustrations, No, I probably won't do anything like this again, traveling is intense and tiring. However, God used this hard, desert-like, challenging time in my life for a awesome purpose. Ok, have you ever just felt like you are stuck? Like you almost can't breathe in a situation and you literally can't get out!? You feel just so claustrophobic in the situation you are in that you have no idea how you are going to make it? Yeah, that was me this past semester. However, all of you, and I mean this, when we are weak, God is strong! His strength works best in our weakness. Why?? Because when we are weak, we really realize how weak we are and see how powerful our God is. When we are weak, we are easily at a state where we can humble ourselves. When we come into a situation like this in our lives, its where God gets us on our knees, humbles us, and we are now at a state where we tell him, "Lord, I can't do this without you! I can't breathe, I can't go on, I just can't do this anymore...BUT with your strength, I can continue..so...HELP!!" God loves when we put ourselves in a state where we need help because He's like, "Ok, NOW can I do what I was going to do?!?" LOL. This experience has taught me so much of how God can work through me when I submit. I mean, I have been frustrated about the ministry opportunities on this job, but ya know? My friend Danielle always reminds me, "We can be Jesus without using words." That rings through my mind a lot. I really just want to encourage you all, no matter what you are going through...and I mean NO MATTER WHAT IT IS...death, divorce, relationships crumbling, loneliness, a pet dies (when Molly dies..I will be so sad..Molly is my very old dog), whatever it may be...God can and will help you! Get on your knees, and pray! Nothing is too hard for God! NOTHING! We need to trust everything that happens in our life, and I know divorce, death, is especially not easy, but He has it under control, even when we or others mess up! Jesus loves you so much! You hear me?! You are loved and cared for! And he wants the best for your life, we just have to trust, endure, persevere, and obey! Why don't you just try Jesus? It won't be easy, no, but its SO worth it! And things that are usually hard for us, ends up being worth it. Like working out, which I need to go do! Its hard, but its worth it! Run the race, guys! Seek and never stop!

Desert

So, I realized today, my time is ending here soon...30 days til this adventures of Camfel is over. Ya know, I was thinking, I would've of seen all that I have seen, all I have done, and all the struggles and lessons I learned if God did not provide me this job and take me through this journey. Its crazy how fast this whole year went. I remember training, and getting ready to go, and meeting people. Ya know guys, what we go through, really does make us stronger. We are going to make mistakes, but we learn from them, so no use in beating yourself up. Ha! I learned that one for sure. And when life is hard, and you feel claustraphobic, you feel you want to get out, you wanna quit, don't! I had so many friends, and I thank God for them, that kept encouraging me to keep going with this. I'm not going to lie, traveling all that can be fun, but it also is so hard. However, I needed to go through this. I needed to learn the things I've learned. I needed to be taught the lessons I were taught. You guys, God gave us so much potential in this life, and the key to reaching that potential is trusting Him. We can't do it alone! I have no idea how I lasted this long on this job because, I know this 2nd semester, I wanted to quit so bad, but the support I got from friends, family, and co-workers, God used them to provide support. But most importantly, He spoke to me very clearly! He got me in the desert, where there was no distractions and spoke to me. I needed to be in the desert time, because I cared way to much of what people thought of me and let their input affect my life way too much where God wasn't the number one person in that area. I just want to encourage you, if you are in or about to be in the "desert time" of life, don't be afraid, don't quit. God will give you the perseverance and the absolute strength to get through it and I can testify to this! He has to put us in those times in our life to get our attention, and if we cooperate and are obedient, we will learn SO much. God sees us in a way we could never see ourselves and we have so much potential because of Him. God wants good in our life, but in order to bring good, there will be struggles, there will be trials and storms, but the sun will shine folks! It will! There is a light after every tunnel! Trust Him, He loves you!

Seriously, just pray and trust....part 1

You guys!! Seriously!! God just totally just is amazing!! OK ok, got calm it down..whew!! So, this is the thing...Like God just totally has been rocking my world! I have been reading alot in the Old Testament and I read in Jeremiah, Joel, and Malachi! Seriously, i love that name..Malachi. Sometimes I wanna say Ma-la-chee!! haha! Its more fun that way. Anyways, Anyways, this might be short because honestly the things I wanna say, I can't say right now until I am given permission but the thing is just when I have been feeling so weak, like I can't go on, like I feel so trapped, Jesus pulled through! Dude, the thing is, I know I hear from my Savior! He speaks to us if you are willing to listen. A couple weeks back, I went to hear this guy speak. His name was Tommy..Tommy..umm..I can't remember his last name but he is the lead vocalist for this Christian Screamo band. I don't listen to Screamo music but dude, seriously this guy was SO on fire for Jesus and he said something along the lines of we all can hear from God. We can! And often we pull the crap, "Oh this is probably me" or "I don't if this is me...but" If it lines up with God's truth, if its not speaking of doing sin, its most likely God. I know for me, like there could be 2 choices, and none of them or bad choices but I'm like..uhh...uhh!! and I'm so afraid of making the bad choice, but when we put God first, when we release our will and ask for His, and we surrender, lay ourselves down, we won't pick the wrong one! He never misleads us! He leads!! We just have to surrender what we want, and focus on what we want! I think I finally understood that aspect ya know? UGH! JESUS IS SO AMAZING! He's so real guys!! His love is SO real! Ok, part 2 of this...I can reveal everything, but right now I can't! but there's a lil word for ya! LOVE YOU AND JESUS LOVES YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!