..and maybe i miss home....

Well, God has been certainly doing A LOT with me on this job. I was able to talk to a student yesterday where we were in Brentwood,TN. He was telling me how his dad lives in California. I could tell there was some hurt there, just by the way his tone of voice was and his body language. It was cool because God told me I would be given a word to know exactly how to pray for a student. I'm pretty sure this kid's parents are divorced and is pretty broken up about it. I'm so excited to be able to be a prayer warrior in these kids' lives on the road, as well as ministering to them. God has definitely been preparing me.
Its been a bit hard, though. The past 2 days or so, I just have been feeling..maybe homesick I guess. Its more, I think loneliness. I miss hanging out in big groups! I'm an extrovert and so being in big groups, mingling, is what I do! Well, life on the road, you don't get that too much. Its pretty much you and your partner. Yesterday, I was thinking about my life in college. I was always doing something, always hanging out with people, always social. Even this summer, I was always with my family or friends. In Cali, for training, our whole Camfel team were tight! We hung out all the time. Now, its just..its hard! I miss fellowship! I miss hanging out, having meals together, laughing. Yesterday, Bri and I went shopping here in Marietta, GA (just outside Atlanta) and I think I got so desperate that I talked to pretty much every worker in the stores we went to. I miss my life at home, just being social and always hanging out. I miss my home because I would wake-up every morning and chat with my grandma for a couple hours. I miss hanging with my dad and stepmom, watching movies and playing the Wii with my lil bro Everett. I miss my mom and all my friends! i guess I'm struggling with a bit of loneliness on the road because I miss community.
I know God has me in this for a reason, and i know at least one it is to bring me closer to Him. I know this is all to make me stronger. Its just that I think I get freaked out sometimes thinking.."I miss being with people..how much longer can I take??" I was fine until just maybe yesterday. I know I can do this, its just hard sometimes I think. I guess I'm just getting attacked...spiritual warfare. If you think about it, pray for me. Some of you might be able to relate to this. But we need to persevere, we need to see this thing as an opportunity, a growing experience, rather than a negative, hard battle. Its a challenge! I know God's got out backs...He is teaching us something and we might not see it crystal clear yet..but I"m gunna look back on this one day and be say, "OH! Thats why!"

hard week to relaxation

I"m telling you, we had some of the worse scenarios in kentucky. i just don't get it! Haha, Bri and I pretty much want nothing to do with Kentucky. But in those times, boy, has God taught me alot...patient endurance for sure! This weekend was pretty nice. I got to just chill and watch the ND game...which man, bummer they lost! But they put up a good fight! MI really got nothing on us! LoL. Anyways, I'm really learning alot on this job...I'm really seeing a mirror image of who I use to be. My desire is to be constantly transformed by God...sanctification. Touring has been so interesting, and the people God is putting in my path, He has been using to shape me. I really see how judgmental I was, even in this summer. I am so in awe of how people's relationship with God is not this particular formula. Its a unique, intimate, personal relationship that we each have with our Creator! Holy Crap! I'm really grasping the concept that God does not expect us to perform for Him, but for Him to work through us. Just to let you know, we all suck at life. We need God! We are gunna fail, we are going to mess up! And my problem was is I would beat the crap out of myself when I would mess up. I wouldn't wanna get up. I would just wanna sulk in my own self-pity, thinking I was never good enough. This morning, I had such an encouraging conversation with my boyfriend. He really understands that its not about performing but just loving God and living life to the fullest. Yeah, we are gunna mess up, but the thing is, we get back up! We can't just sulk. We can't live in shame because that's a false reality. God has called us to live a life of freedom! I love the Lord, and because I love him, I want to obey Him. However, in order to obey Him, I need his grace! I can't depend on myself to live this "perfect performance of a life"! I'm serious people! God is opening my eyes like none other! I don't want to go back to that person where I worried about everything! Anxiety ruled my life and it no longer will have a hold on me! Anxiety is not living a life of freedom! Now, I'm not saying to pull the "sin now, ask for forgiveness later" deal because we are not to abuse God's grace. I am such a "black and white" person where I think Christians should have the same opinions and agree on everything..ok, yes, maybe in a perfect world. However, we dont live in one. Even as Christians, we have our own opinions of how things are, but one thing we do share is that we are saved by the blood of Jesus and we are living a life towards the same goal! Yes, they're might be some different opinions like.."In order to receive the Holy Spirit, you must speak in tongues", for example...well I dont know..but just because someone doesn't or does believe that doesn't mean they are not Christian. I struggled with the Catholic Church for a long time because i thought they are were leading people astray and yeah, we can be able to see things that our unbiblical in certain areas of any religion..however, i know they're are people out there who do have a personal relationship with Christ, such as my Mom. She is catholic and believes in the catholic rituals, however, she does have a relationship with God. Who am I to judge beyond the Almighty!?! Oh man, I"m glad God broke me of this. I had no clue! I just want to encourage you out there, to really ask God for His eyes, to see people as He sees them! We are so quick to judge off our lil pea brains compared to God's! Ya'll rock and God is good! If you don't know Him, you should! He is an awesome Father, an awesome Friend, an awesome Counselor, an awesome "everything you need" and nothing will satisfy you more than a relationship with Him!! Amen!

Epic Tuesday!

Wow!! Let me tell you, challenges do come along and, boy, do we need endurance from the Lord for them! Today, we had a show in Miamisburg, OH at an elementary school, then from there we headed and now are in Frankfort, KY. We arrived at our Days Inn hotel, peaceful and so happy to be able to take a nap! However, when I run out to Tiny Tim (Yes, we named our van because it is tiny compared to the others and it had a "gimp" (aka..nail in tire) when we first got it) to try to get my luggage, the back of the van would not open! What!?! Why, you ask!?!? I'll tell you the reason, hang in there! So I grab Bri and we try opening it. We call Andrew, our boss, to let him know whats up and we decide to call triple A. No luck, the guy didn't even try! He just looked at the van and was like, "Can't help ya!" So we decided to try a Ford dealership (Tiny Tim is a Ford Transit). "Umm..we are closing, sorry!" they say. Are you kidding me?!? So we try one 12 miles down the road. "Yeah, we close in 10 minutes. sorry!" they say. What?! Come on! You are suppose to be open til like 6pm, granted its only 4:45pm. So we call Andrew and we are trying to call locksmiths around town. I get a hold of "pop-a-lock"..yeah, the lady couldn't even understand me nor knew what she was doing. Andrew told Bri and I to hang tight. So, we decided to go to our favorite place that always makes us feel better know matter what...DQ!! We sat down, got some ice creams, trying to figure out what to do. Bri is smiling and making faces at this baby then I decide to ask, what looked like to be the mom of the baby and the grandpa, if there were any locksmiths around. They said no but to try the police department! Granted, we were praying over the lock, praying over the car, asking Jesus to help us! So we decided to head to the police department, praying this would work. We arrive there and the place looked kinda sketch, but we were determined! The front-desk lady sends out the policeman and he tries using rods and all kinds of gadgets to get this thing open...no luck. So then officer James comes and takes a look, while a 3rd policeman joins them. They are astonished how our wooden shelves were put together (there was no way to get from the front of the van to the back because we had a wooden shelving unit). Officer James gets a drill and we all decided to take the whole shelving unit apart. To make along story short, we drilled for hours because, seriously, that van prolly had 200 screws in it! Then finally we see that a speaker was caught on the lock that jammed the door that we can not open. So then officer James, being a blessing sent from Jesus, redesigned our shelving unit and by the time it was all done, it was 8:00pm...considering we started this at 2:30pm! So, yes, you will have bad days..and me being on the road, loving my job, still has bad days. HOWEVER, when we trust in the Lord, when we remain faithful and know that He will help us, even when it doesn't seem like it..you get a whole new shelving unit! Officer James was a blessing to us because he helped us figure out the problem and did not leave our side! AND..his shelving unit is even better than the one we had before! So be encouraged out there!! You never know how God works..and yes, he works in unexpected, strange, and ways we think are horrible..but they end up being HUGE blessings! Crazy day, but God always remains faithful!!!

Chill weekend...Labor Day

Well, I'm here, resting in Middletown,OH just between Cincinnatti and Dayton. Friday we had 2 schools to do..a middle school and a high school. I had a rough morning because I was questioning where everything was going in my life, this job, my relationships, why I'm even doing this job. Set-up at the first school (Middle school) was frustrating because I could not the projection line-ups correctly and when other things are on your mind, its hard to focus. We had some 8th grade boys helped us pack up, which they did awesome! Then we went to the high school. We had about an hour to spare so I went to have some God time in solitude. Its amazing how, though we feel like God isn't there or He's not listening to us, He is there and He is listening us. He does hear our cries for help! When we went into the High School, a student Ben helped me set up and tear down. You could tell he just wanted someone to listen to him. He was a cross country and track runner. So we both shared our experiences with cross country. You could tell when a big crowd came, he was intimidated and would back-off. I think the kid is unsure where he fits in. I'm glad God gave me an opportunity to talk to him. Though it wasn't about salvation or sharing the gospel, i shared Jesus in a way that God gave me the grace to show this kid that I care and that God cares. Then through that, God reminded me why I'm doing this job. He wants me to reach youth! He wants me to reach people for the glory of Him so that all may come to know Him. I feel like everything I have ever known is being challenged during this job. I'm really starting to have a broken heart for people wherever they are at in their life. I use to be so judgmental towards people thinking, "oh! they have to be just like me if they are to follow Christ." But the cool thing is, God put a guy in my life who challenges me. He sees things in the light of God's grace and sees people with compassion on them like God does. I struggle with thinking that I have to be all on top of it. Its all up to me! Yes, we should strive perfection. Yes we should not abuse grace and just give into sin. However, we should love on God and bask in His grace, let Him work through us to live a godly life. The scripture that I keep coming to is Romans 9:30-32, "Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God's standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place. But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting Him." Its by FAITH that we are saved NOT PERFECTION!! I was and am struggling with being like the people of Israel. I think that I have to earn God's grace still! The thing is, when we just love God, our hearts change where you automatically want to do God's will. Jesus says, "If you love me, you'll obey me" When you love someone, you don't want to hurt them on purpose, though we will at times, we don't want to..same with God! No, you are not going to be perfect and God knows that. However, when we approach the throne in humility and confess our sins, we are forgiven! Jesus is not expecting us to perform...chill out, you are accepted. However, Jesus wants you to experience a love that this world can never offer! Something beyond human understanding. And its the most amazing, restful, peaceful thing anyone could ever experience! When we just love God, our eyes, our hearts, and our minds transform into His and we begin to see things from God's perspective (Ezekiel 37:25-27). I always thought that life has to happen in this "formulaic" way and God does not work that way..he works in many different ways..and in the ways we need them! I never knew I was such a judgmental person and God TOTALLY clarified I was. I pray this encourages you and helps you know that you are loved and accepted by the God who created this universe and has a love for you that is beyond imaginable! GIGATT! (God is good all the time ;) )

kenosha,WI show!

The show went great yesterday! We did 3 showings of "Dare to Move" to 6th,7th, and 8th graders! Though we didn't get started til 45min after we were suppose to, we had time to spare because Bri and I dominated in setting up fast! The schools was SO humid inside. Bri and I sweated SO much! But as long as the shows went great, we were happy!
Kenosha was so much fun! My amazing boyfriend, Cameron, and his partner Anthony ended up having a show in kenosha as well. So, Bri and I stayed at the same hotel they did. They were 3 doors down! It was so good to just chill and see a team from Camfel! After our show was over that day, Cameron and Anthony surprised us at our school to help tear down our equipment (which went so much faster)! Us 4 went to subway and got some sandwiches while me, being my typical self, never sure of what I want, confused the cashier by wanting cookies. Poor guy, but I think he enjoyed it! We went to go get our oil changed with the guy at Sears and that was fun! Good time of fellowship! Then we drove to Chi-town to get some "Berry Chill" a frozen yogurt place!! Though our time in Chicago with Cameron and Anthony was short, we had SO much fun! God is doing some amazing things on this journey! Alot of it, I never expected. Though I have not yet had a verbal encounter with a student yet, there definitely is some encounters by the Holy Spirit because He is working all the time!

Finally..the start of touring...

So far, I have never driven so much in my life! Friday, Bri (my teammate) and I, had a show in Santa Barbara, CA! Successful setup, i must say! We had some awesome middle school boys help us set up and tear down. The school loved the show. Oh! Did I say what the film is called?? Its "Dare to Move"..yes..the song is in it. Dare to Move is the assembly film we are showing in schools that encourages kids to step out of their comfort zone, face their fears, and be all they can be. Like i said, we can't go inside a public school and talk about God, but they are based off scripture. Anyways, we spent the night in vegas with bri's friend and then headed off to Parker, CO to stay with some family there. Driving from vegas to colorado was the coolest but weirdest thing in my life. We drove probably like 14 hours. The mountains in Utah, are SOOOo weird. I felt like I was in a dream or something. But when we hit the Rockies...OH MAN!! I was like, "Jesus, you are SOOO amazing!" Rockies felt like home to me (though i was there only like 2 months ago). Driving through the mountains just gives such a good depiction of God's majesty! While going into that, God has been so faithful on this trip. The one thing that i have learned so far is that not everyone has the exact same relationship as I do with God. Just how I might know someone you do but for example, my inside jokes with them are going to be different than yours. Before starting this job, i guess I judged people in the way that their relationship with God had to look like mine. That is false! Everyone has their own unique relationship with God. God convicted me of this and boy, did i feel bad. I met so many people with Camfel and through that, God just opened my eyes to people even more. How we can all encourage each other as bro's and sis's in Christ. We need to spur each other on because this life is not easy, and it can be so confusing! I learned through a friend I met at Camfel something that was really cool. His relationship with God is like, if God's grace and love was a hot tub, this guy is chillin in it. I always struggled and still struggle with this mindset that I need to perform for God, that he is looking down at me thinking, "its all on you Jessie.." When really its "Jessie, trust in me, remain and love on me..I will guide you, I am with you! I will help you!" God doesn't want us to perform for him. He wants to help us and be with us in the things he wants us to perform. We are never alone! Ministry is rest! Read Hebrews 4! So often we get caught up thinking, "oh no! I gotta meet the quota this month for ministry or I"m not a christian!" That is false! And any of you who are struggling with that, ask God to open up your eyes like He did mine. God will bring opportunities, our hearts just have to be open to them! I"m excited to see what God will do more with me this year! I'm now in Kenosha, WI ready to do a show tomorrow..taking the day chilling! I love you all and hope you are doing well! miss you bunches!

2 weeks of training!

So..FINALLY I can blog! The training site we were at these past 2 weeks had no wifi and on top of that, I really didn't have time to blog. We were pretty much working our butts off from 6:30am-6:30pm everyday! Though training was intense, I have met some AWESOME people! The unity all of us camfel techs had together these past 2 weeks was SOO God! He gave us unity between all of us! Though a bunch of us are starting to take off and begin touring, I know we will stay in touch! I have made some awesome friends! God has been teaching me so much about multi-tasking, which i do say, i am horrible at! But though training was draining (ha, that rhymed!) and it was hard to even find God time, I was able to speak and communicate with him during time tests, set ups, and just during the day. God has been giving me so much grace with this job. I never thought i would be able to figure out tech equipment, set up huge frames in under 10 mins, do a whole set up in 32 minutes, and do what i do now pretty much! I really do love my job so far! I have an awesome partner named Bri! We will be touring the midwest which consists of Wisconsin, Illinois, INDIANA!!, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, and Georgia! So I"ll be close to home! I love california!! its so awesome! I just can not get over how much God has been giving me grace with doing this job and helping me with my homesickness which has not been too bad because honestly, i dont have time to think about home because training is so intense but also the unity that we have out here is SOOOO sweet!! But pretty much that is a brief description of the first 2 weeks! I'll be sure to continue blogging regularly now! :)