In the secret of His presence..we are restored

Can you think of a time you went to meet maybe an old friend you haven't seen in awhile? Maybe it was weeks, going on months, maybe even years! When you sat down and talked to this friend...it might of felt a little awkward but when you decide to let loose and tell them how much you missed them, the conversation just flows? I don't know if some of you ever had that experience. I had it with a few friends, however, that just recently happened between God and I. From my last posts, I was maybe sounding like a "Debbie-Downer". Yeah. That's true, I was. I was going through a depression. I see some light now. Depression comes and we can choose to let it go. It doesn't matter if its been one day or years for depression..it comes, but we can choose to let it go. Depression is NOT from God. I don't think we realize that depression is one of Satan's greatest tricks to turn us away from God. Do you know you are a treasure to God? When He looks at you, He sees a beautiful treasure beyond what we can see! Think of the most prettiest Christmas lights ever, or the most prettiest diamond necklace ever...now, times that by infinity!!! Yeah, thats what I thought..unbelievable, yea? Well, keep your jaw up because its true! God sees you like that! I have been in a funk lately, but when I decided, key word..DECIDED, to spend some time with the Lord, there He was waiting for me. He never once did not show up nor turn His ear. When I decided to hear what He had to say, I was filled with joy. Now, joy isn't necessarily happiness, but its a hope. A hope that shows you, "there is light at the end of the tunnel". With God, that is true in EVERY situation. I don't care what is going on in your life, God is BIG, POWERFUL, and can take care of ANY situation. Lie: We have to take care of it on our own and that God is just a fairytale? That is BULL!!! Don't believe it! If you choose to, then good luck..which luck does not exist..its blessings and those come from the Lord, so I suggest to turn to Him. We all been there and we go there sometimes, thinking we got it on our own. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You can do all things through who? Christ!! NOT.."I can do all things." I think sometimes we can drop the last part "through Christ WHO.." what?..."strengthens me!!" He gives us strength! Just ask! We gotta ask! God is the perfect gentleman. He isn't going to force Himself on you if you don't want Him. But He is always there for you when you fall and you cry out to Him, like the babies we are. HAHA! You got a Daddy that loves you! Talk to Him. Let Him sit you up on His lap and talk to you! We all need it at ANY age!

Fight the good Fight!

I haven't been feeling myself lately. I think everything for me is just coming to the surface. Everything I tried to pat down and cover up, is all coming out. Definitely the thoughts I have been having are not me. Not what I ever thought of before. A lot of anger and hurt is coming out. But I know the Lord wants me to deal with it. I try to just put a band-aid on it to not see that the hurt is there. But the Lord sees the hurt, and he wants me to be healed. In that case, I have to go through it, not over it.
Just because we cover things up, does not mean its not there. I never knew what my mentor meant when she said, "when the pain comes, let it come." Now, I know. It is not fun. To be honest, the feelings is hopelessness. You feel alone, you feel like you can't see anything..that there is no way out. It even is harder to come to God because you feel ashamed for all the wrong thoughts and acts you have done in the pain. BUT...those are lies from Satan. It is so important we catch those lies. And believe me, it can be hard when you already feel beat to the ground. The biggest lie is that "you can never come to God, now" <----THAT IS A LIE!!! NEVER for one second, as hard as it is, to give into that LIE. I was believing that lie this past weekend, and it was so hard, but I had to use every ounce in me to pray. Fight that lie back with as much anger as you already have by clinging to Jesus. In 1 Tim.6:12 it says, "Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses."
Satan attacks those who are a threat to him. So if you are getting attacked like I am, we are threats. God wants to use us for big things and Satan knows it! But we have to know "the same power that raised Jesus from the dead also lives in us." (Rom.8:11) God will fight our battle if we just cling to Him. Any negative thoughts we have about God, are from Satan. No matter how true it feels, its not..Satan is a deceiver!
I want to encourage all of you are are going through a tough time, we may not see anything right now but we gotta know God's cookin something. He hasn't brought us in the kitchen yet..but it is coming! Just like a baby, we can be, who is screaming for food in the other room..they can't see it! Until they realize, after the mother brings it to them, it was being prepared all along.

Never Look Back

How many of us look back at our life thinking, "Oh, if I would of done this..." or "Why did this happen?" or maybe you are stuck on something in your past that you just can't seem to get over. Maybe something traumatic happened to you or maybe its something that you can't seem to forgive yourself. Basically, you just keep re-reading chapters in your life. I know I do! We all do. I heard an interesting quote today.."You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." What Satan likes to do is keep us stuck in something that blocks us to move forward. The feeling of guilt is from him. Guilt is a feeling that is like sticky glue. It keeps us where we are at. Conviction is from the Lord. It shows us what is wrong and then is that blade to get us off of the wrong and to get us back on our feet. Satan likes to twist conviction and guilt. Conviction keeps us moving, it spurs us. Like cowboys kick horses in the side to get them moving. It spurs them onward to their destination. For us, that would be learning and growing. Guilt pounds us to the ground where we do not move.
Do you know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah? If you take a look at Genesis 19, it talks about God destroying this city that is SOO sinful. This just came upon me now and I wanted to blog about it because I believe the Lord wanted me to share this revelation. Take a look at Gen.19. When God was destroying the city, Lot and his wife and daughters, along with Abraham and his family, were told to flee and to not look back. Well, Lot's wife looked back and she became a "pillar of salt" (vs.26). Lot's wife looked back to what would be the past. When we keep dwelling on the past, we become this "pillar of salt". We are indwelling ourselves with past situations that we are like stone looking at them. God has so much to He wants to accomplish through you that in order to let Him do that, we have to give control over to Him and NEVER LOOK BACK. We all did things we regret, we all messed up. We STILL mess up, but that doesn't stop God from doing what He wants to do. Maybe some of us feel, and I feel this way, too sometimes, that we screwed everything up and its like, "how do we get back on track now? I was suppose to do this, this, and this and I didn't. So I missed out!" Do not believe now God is going to give you second best. He is going to give you a new best. He knew before you were even created what choices we were going to make, what mistakes we would make. This goes for me too, but the Lord has control. Let Him be God and stop trying to fix your past. He has a plan, and he knew that stuff was going into play. Let him call the plays in your life.

Hope during the uncertainty

Do you guys ever feel like you just don't know whats going to happen next? Maybe you're looking at your life and you are trying to maybe see what you have going for you and you don't even know what that is. Maybe it looks like nothing is ahead. Join the club! I was just telling my mentor, I think I have post-college depression. LOL. It seems like when I was in school, I somewhat knew what was going to happen next. However, I talked to a friend recently and she said, "What fun is it if we knew what was to happen next!"..I can see that. I guess part of it, I have that personality where I gotta make sure I plan ahead and I know what to expect so I can prepare. Now I hear God telling me, "Prepare? Don't I take care of you? Am I not the one who holds you in My hand? If I take care the birds of the air, do I not take care of you?" Oh...yeah. The thing is, and maybe you are in this place to, now that I'm home now from living in Cali for a year, Hawaii 7 months, my "adventures" seem gone. However, God wants me to see it as more of a beginning to another journey. I realized I define myself of where I'm at. I'm not going to lie, I thought I was super cool living in Cali, and Hawaii. Yeah, it was a blessed experience, however, a blessing should never define us. It is Jesus who defines who we are. I read in Experiencing God, "The question shouldn't be,'What is God's will for my life?' It should be, 'What is God's will?' Because once we know God's will, we can adjust ourselves to line up with what He is doing." I was reminded last weekend of something I been learning alot of in Hawaii..its denying self. Being selfish, is more exhausting then being selfless. Its easy to give away than it is to take. Its more effort in my experience. Following Jesus isn't an easy road. Its a hard road, but its a road that leads to love, which is hope, which leads to a life of abundancy, which leads to life with Jesus forever..literally never-ending. When we are in step with Jesus, following Him, we have all our needs taken care of. Yeah, it may be tested at time, but we have to have faith that we have assurance in Him. I know God's word has never returned void in my life..He always came through! Maybe not on my terms or on my timing, but He, who has the perfect timing, came through at THE PERFECT timing :) Be filled with hope, friends! He is with you!

God's grace stetches so far...

Last time I blogged on here, I was working with 9-12 year olds. However, now I work with 6-8 year olds. Now, let me tell you...I am really starting to get glimpses of how God sees us as little children. Its almost like at work, God replaces my eyes for His eyes to give me glimpses of how He views me. I love every single one of those kids. Some our good, and some have discipline problems, but I truly love them all the same. God really gave me a heart for all these kids and honestly, I have no idea why. Now, I worked more with High School students, and I hope to one day again, but right now, at least in this season, He wants me with these younger ones. I came home thinking the other day, "Man, how many times did I have to tell those kids, 'Quiet!' and they still weren't quiet." or, "How many times...(fill in the blank)." But then the Lord says, "Jessie, how many times have I told you not to gossip? How many times have I told you to speak up or be silent in this situation?" and so on and so forth. AHH!!! You guys, one thing I have been really convicted of lately is gossip and it seems like no matter where I am, I run into it. And honestly, guys have the problem with the physical lusting, girls have the problem with gossip because we love to talk. There are so many times at work or with my family it happens and I let myself get sucked in. HOWEVER...here is the most amazing part ever..I have conviction! Yeah it sucks, but I know the Holy Spirit is working within me because I know that is wrong. Its like you have a sliver in your finger. You got to get it out but it hurts while you are trying to. ITS A PROCESS! God is working on my heart to show me that I need to flee from gossip, and sometimes I don't even know if it is or not but he is giving me the wisdom to discern. The thing is, I look at these kids, and yeah I feel superior because I'm older. Yeah, I feel like I'm more mature. However, in God's eyes, we are still growing just like these little ones are. We still have a lot to learn. I don't care how old you are, never stop learning. Otherwise, you stop growing, and that's not good. You stay a toddler forever, mentally. God wants us to mature in our relationship with Him, and he will give us all the grace and help we need to do it. Just like a baby learning to walk, they fall down all the time but do you give up on them walking the first couple times they fall? NO! So, neither will God. If you continue to reach for Him, grab His hand, let Him help you, He will hold onto you! Know who your Heavenly Father is, who He really is, so that you know the Hand your holding.

Intimate times called to be with the Lord

Ever since I came home from Kauai, I have been questioning so much on "What the heck is going on!?" I mean, why was I pulled out? Why did I leave? Did I give up or was I called out? Well, just yesterday and today, I finally just took time to be quiet under the Lord. Sounds easy, but I don't know if its just me, but its hard b/c we are so self-centered we don't know how to shut ourselves up sometimes. The Lord puts us through tests sometimes to see if we will choose Him or what we want. If you heard of that story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham wanted a son soo bad, God gave him one, then later on He asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.
Imagine yourself as a little child. You are playing with toys. God is trying to get your attention, talk to you, maybe wants to take you out for ice cream, some one-on-one time. However, you are so wrapped up in playing with your toys, you either ignore him, tell him "not right now!", or maybe you might slam the door on him and tell him to go away. God knows you need that one-on-one time/talk with him for your relationship to work with him, so because He loves you, He takes away the "toys". Maybe you kick and scream for a bit. You don't understand why He is taking them away. However, when he finally has your attention you realize you needed these moments. That the ice cream He took you out for was way better than your soap opera barbie game, or your killer lego castle!
God wants our attention. He showed me that the past 2 days. He had to take my "toys" away so I could give him my attention. Now, its never to say He won't give them back. He'll either give us new polished toys back, or newer, better ones! When we miss time with the Lord, we miss out. And I'm speaking to myself here b/c I know there are times He has called me and I'm like, "but Boy Meets World is on!" Don't miss out on what the Lord wants to teach you. Its for your benefit, when it may hurt sometimes. I share this b/c, I may or may not know you, that doesn't matter, but I want you to know the love of Christ that I have experienced daily. There are times I don't see it or I miss it, but b/c I know His truth, its there!

2 weeks I've been home:

Hey guys! Sorry its been awhile since I've posted. Life has been crazy since moving back from Kauai. Started a new job, been on a hunt finding a car which I finally did. I work at Boys and Girls club. So now, probably will be alot of posts about my job there. Which let me tell you, after 3 days of working their..I learned so much! I'm learning about being a parent, and how God disciplines us because he loves us. For example, yesterday I had to sit this boy out b/c he was being disrespectful to other students and me. I work with 9-12 year-old so he's like 9 I think. Anyways, he was so mad at me for sitting him out, but I had to be stern with him and tell him to sit. It was hard for me, because I wanted to reach out to him and I wanted him to like me. However, discipline had to take place for him to learn. After having a time-out, I came to talk to him, still mad at me, he wouldn't talk when I asked him questions. So I left him alone until he was ready to talk. About 5 minutes later, he came running up to me, and saying how sorry he was and that he will not hit people. I gave him a side-hug and said you're ok and I forgive you. And when he saw that on my face he grinned and went on playing. In that moment, I really realized what we can be like when God disciplines us. We don't understand why or what is going on, but when we learn, and we want forgiveness, he is ready to forgive with a big-embracing hug! At the club, you can only give side-hugs because the world is crazy today and we got some sick action going on, but the Lord, that doesn't affect him, he gives you a NICE BIG MUSHY hug! Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I miss Kauai like crazy! I miss surfing, I miss my friends there. But I know, at least in this season, I have to be back home. I read an article the other day called "We need boring Christians" its on relevant magazine's website. Its about how its ok that God doesn't call you to India or California, or Hawaii in that matter, when he wants you to pour out in your hometown. Like me, he could call you back to your home. But wherever you are at, your business is a heavenly business. Its not about what people think, or how they think it should be. Do what the Lord has set before you. I sometimes feel like a loser b/c I'm living back at home and I'm not in Hawaii. Living in Hawaii, I felt so cool and got alot of praise from people. However, thats not what we are to seek b/c if we seek the approval of man, then we are not a servant of Christ (Gal. 1:10). Seek His Heart, not His Hand..b/c when we seek His heart, we will notice His Hand is right behind us guiding us to where He wants us.