Steady my Heart

Have you guys listened to this song called, "Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe? She is a christian singer but you should definitely look up this song when you get a chance on youtube or whatever. Definitely pay attention to the lyrics. The second verse that says, "I'm not gunna worry. I know that you got me right inside the palm of your hand. Each and every moment, whats good and what gets broken, happens just the way you plan." and then the chorus goes, "Even when it hurts, even when its hard, even when it all just falls apart. I will run to you cuz I know that you are lover of my soul, healer of my scars. You steady my heart." The second verse just hits me. Everytime I listen to this part, even the whole song, it speaks so much truth to me. Seems like lately, things were coming along in my life then..all of a sudden, everything came to a halt! I'm thinking, "Come on, God! Seriously!? I have been waiting so long and now its crumbling?! What did I do now?!" Its not easy to not over-think, to not worry, and to stay calm. Trusting God is not easy! It can be frustrating, shaky, and difficult. However, its all I got. No one, or nothing can give me grace and have me "in the palm of His hands" like the Lord does. When the second verse says, "whats good and what gets broken, happens just the way you plan." I really try to cling to that as truth. God is sovereign and He is in control. I'm not going to lie on here, I have been wrestling with God lately, asking Him, "Ok, God seriously, you are being like every guy in my life, misleading it seems. Give me something here that you haven't forgotten me!" You know when you are watching a baby, or maybe you have a child of your own, and you are making its bottle and its freaking out on you because you set them down and they are crying, thinking you forgot them. You are just making it's bottle. You have not forgotten them! God is doing the same. God's like, "Jessie! Chill out, I'm making the bottle! My plans are in the making..its timing!!" Its hard being patient. Especially how I feel right now, like nothing is happening in my life. I thought I saw some light, but now I'm not so sure what that entails. I thought I had an idea but not sure what to think now. Yes, people are going to hurt you, you might get blamed for things you didn't do, you get misunderstood, but the Lord is going to fight for you! Lately, since things kind of feel like they fell apart for me, I'm thinking, "What did I do?" But the thing is, I confess and apologize for the wrong I know I've done but the rest you have to leave up to God or if it is dealing with another person, you have to leave that up to God and that person. Maybe, like me, you are waiting to hear on a job, or something like that, and it's taking forever! You want this so bad, but we have to trust that God has it! In the chorus of the song "Even when it hurts, EVEN when its hard, EVEN when it all just falls apart, I WILL RUN TO YOU! CUZ I KNOW that you are lover of my soul, healer of my scars." God is the only one that can take care of this. He is the only one that can "heal your scars", heal you from your past hurts and to keep you moving forward. God loves you and He wants His best for you! I don't know why things fall apart but God knows what He is doing and He wants His best for you! Nothing can mess up His plan! The thing is, this is a hurting world, we are all hurting people, we all hurt each other. However, we can choose to join God in forgiveness and kindness. Either way, whatever side you are positioned in, we should forgive and let God take care of the rest. We were probably that person one time before that we were really angry and took it out on a person who wasn't even the root of an issue. I've done that. But if you are a person who got unjustly accused, forgive that person because they are hurting. Jesus calls us to follow Him. Its not an easy road. Its literally denying all our "rights" we think we have as humans and dying to ourselves putting Jesus first and being called to Love. Love is not about fairness. Its about putting others above yourself, keeping no records of wrong, forgiveness, patient. Read 1 cor. 13. Kindness leads to repentance. God is so kind, I am led to my knees to repent by how awesome his grace is. I am a sinner and I need Him. Though, I may not understand God's ways..and I may get frustrated at times, I may question what He's doing and get mad...but at the end of it, I have no right, no reason, for Him to say He does not love me, because He gave up the most precious thing, His Son, to die on our behalf. How many of us would even give up our dog or our playstation, for another? Exactly! God gave up His ONLY SON! God loves you. He is NOT out to get you when things go wrong. He doesn't just hate you. He loves you! And once His best for you! Just trust He will lead you, defend you, help you, guide you! But most of all, trust Him that He loves you!

Something Beautiful

Its amazing how when in life, things can look so dark and dreary. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. Have you ever been, maybe on a hike and it just seems forever and you are thinking, "Where is the falls?" or "Where is the treasure!?" perhaps? When I was living on Kauai, we hiked the Hanakapia Trail. We hiked 6 miles to the falls and I'm thinking, "Geez, are we there yet?!" Six miles seemed forever, but it was so worth it! One of the most beautiful things I've seen in my life. Our trials seem so long most of the time. It seems uncertain and shaky. However, when we finally reach the light that we thought would never see, the journey becomes beautiful. Something beautiful God wanted to do in our life to bring us closer to Him. And when He draws us closer to Him, that is the most beautiful thing! When we are able to get in His presence, no where is better! I take that for granted many times. I was at a young adult group and someone said, "I know a guy who never missed his quiet time with God in 22 years!" I was thinking, "Oh snap!" How many times have I just gotten lazy and rather do or think about other things rather than spend some daily time with God. I mean think about it. In a romantic relationship, we would want to spend all the time we could with them! When that boy is coming to pick you up at 6pm, or when you are going to pick that girl up at 6pm, you are getting stoked to see that person! Why can't I get to that point with God? I get there sometimes, but not all the time. Its not that I don't like spending time with God because when I do it, I never regret it. However, its important to make it the number one priority. God gets so stoked to see us at "6pm". He can't wait to pick us up and go on that date! Why is it so many times I stand Him up? I guess this is really hitting me, now. Jesus says in John 5:19-20, "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, to your amazement he will show him even greater things than these." Jesus saw what the Father was doing because Jesus actually took the time to let God show him what He was doing. All this in saying is we shouldn't just come to God when we are going through a hard time. We should always be in communicating with Him to know Him more. Then through that growing relationship, will we know our purpose here in this life. I'm so convicted right now. I get so caught up in my daily tasks and relationships that I don't always make time for the most important relationship...Jesus. Thanks be to God I have been convicted! Here it is, folks! Evidence of the Holy Spirit working in a believer! God's grace is so good and so sufficient! Don't underestimate it, just go for it!

In the secret of His presence..we are restored

Can you think of a time you went to meet maybe an old friend you haven't seen in awhile? Maybe it was weeks, going on months, maybe even years! When you sat down and talked to this friend...it might of felt a little awkward but when you decide to let loose and tell them how much you missed them, the conversation just flows? I don't know if some of you ever had that experience. I had it with a few friends, however, that just recently happened between God and I. From my last posts, I was maybe sounding like a "Debbie-Downer". Yeah. That's true, I was. I was going through a depression. I see some light now. Depression comes and we can choose to let it go. It doesn't matter if its been one day or years for depression..it comes, but we can choose to let it go. Depression is NOT from God. I don't think we realize that depression is one of Satan's greatest tricks to turn us away from God. Do you know you are a treasure to God? When He looks at you, He sees a beautiful treasure beyond what we can see! Think of the most prettiest Christmas lights ever, or the most prettiest diamond necklace ever...now, times that by infinity!!! Yeah, thats what I thought..unbelievable, yea? Well, keep your jaw up because its true! God sees you like that! I have been in a funk lately, but when I decided, key word..DECIDED, to spend some time with the Lord, there He was waiting for me. He never once did not show up nor turn His ear. When I decided to hear what He had to say, I was filled with joy. Now, joy isn't necessarily happiness, but its a hope. A hope that shows you, "there is light at the end of the tunnel". With God, that is true in EVERY situation. I don't care what is going on in your life, God is BIG, POWERFUL, and can take care of ANY situation. Lie: We have to take care of it on our own and that God is just a fairytale? That is BULL!!! Don't believe it! If you choose to, then good luck..which luck does not exist..its blessings and those come from the Lord, so I suggest to turn to Him. We all been there and we go there sometimes, thinking we got it on our own. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You can do all things through who? Christ!! NOT.."I can do all things." I think sometimes we can drop the last part "through Christ WHO.." what?..."strengthens me!!" He gives us strength! Just ask! We gotta ask! God is the perfect gentleman. He isn't going to force Himself on you if you don't want Him. But He is always there for you when you fall and you cry out to Him, like the babies we are. HAHA! You got a Daddy that loves you! Talk to Him. Let Him sit you up on His lap and talk to you! We all need it at ANY age!

Fight the good Fight!

I haven't been feeling myself lately. I think everything for me is just coming to the surface. Everything I tried to pat down and cover up, is all coming out. Definitely the thoughts I have been having are not me. Not what I ever thought of before. A lot of anger and hurt is coming out. But I know the Lord wants me to deal with it. I try to just put a band-aid on it to not see that the hurt is there. But the Lord sees the hurt, and he wants me to be healed. In that case, I have to go through it, not over it.
Just because we cover things up, does not mean its not there. I never knew what my mentor meant when she said, "when the pain comes, let it come." Now, I know. It is not fun. To be honest, the feelings is hopelessness. You feel alone, you feel like you can't see anything..that there is no way out. It even is harder to come to God because you feel ashamed for all the wrong thoughts and acts you have done in the pain. BUT...those are lies from Satan. It is so important we catch those lies. And believe me, it can be hard when you already feel beat to the ground. The biggest lie is that "you can never come to God, now" <----THAT IS A LIE!!! NEVER for one second, as hard as it is, to give into that LIE. I was believing that lie this past weekend, and it was so hard, but I had to use every ounce in me to pray. Fight that lie back with as much anger as you already have by clinging to Jesus. In 1 Tim.6:12 it says, "Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses."
Satan attacks those who are a threat to him. So if you are getting attacked like I am, we are threats. God wants to use us for big things and Satan knows it! But we have to know "the same power that raised Jesus from the dead also lives in us." (Rom.8:11) God will fight our battle if we just cling to Him. Any negative thoughts we have about God, are from Satan. No matter how true it feels, its not..Satan is a deceiver!
I want to encourage all of you are are going through a tough time, we may not see anything right now but we gotta know God's cookin something. He hasn't brought us in the kitchen yet..but it is coming! Just like a baby, we can be, who is screaming for food in the other room..they can't see it! Until they realize, after the mother brings it to them, it was being prepared all along.

Never Look Back

How many of us look back at our life thinking, "Oh, if I would of done this..." or "Why did this happen?" or maybe you are stuck on something in your past that you just can't seem to get over. Maybe something traumatic happened to you or maybe its something that you can't seem to forgive yourself. Basically, you just keep re-reading chapters in your life. I know I do! We all do. I heard an interesting quote today.."You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." What Satan likes to do is keep us stuck in something that blocks us to move forward. The feeling of guilt is from him. Guilt is a feeling that is like sticky glue. It keeps us where we are at. Conviction is from the Lord. It shows us what is wrong and then is that blade to get us off of the wrong and to get us back on our feet. Satan likes to twist conviction and guilt. Conviction keeps us moving, it spurs us. Like cowboys kick horses in the side to get them moving. It spurs them onward to their destination. For us, that would be learning and growing. Guilt pounds us to the ground where we do not move.
Do you know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah? If you take a look at Genesis 19, it talks about God destroying this city that is SOO sinful. This just came upon me now and I wanted to blog about it because I believe the Lord wanted me to share this revelation. Take a look at Gen.19. When God was destroying the city, Lot and his wife and daughters, along with Abraham and his family, were told to flee and to not look back. Well, Lot's wife looked back and she became a "pillar of salt" (vs.26). Lot's wife looked back to what would be the past. When we keep dwelling on the past, we become this "pillar of salt". We are indwelling ourselves with past situations that we are like stone looking at them. God has so much to He wants to accomplish through you that in order to let Him do that, we have to give control over to Him and NEVER LOOK BACK. We all did things we regret, we all messed up. We STILL mess up, but that doesn't stop God from doing what He wants to do. Maybe some of us feel, and I feel this way, too sometimes, that we screwed everything up and its like, "how do we get back on track now? I was suppose to do this, this, and this and I didn't. So I missed out!" Do not believe now God is going to give you second best. He is going to give you a new best. He knew before you were even created what choices we were going to make, what mistakes we would make. This goes for me too, but the Lord has control. Let Him be God and stop trying to fix your past. He has a plan, and he knew that stuff was going into play. Let him call the plays in your life.

Hope during the uncertainty

Do you guys ever feel like you just don't know whats going to happen next? Maybe you're looking at your life and you are trying to maybe see what you have going for you and you don't even know what that is. Maybe it looks like nothing is ahead. Join the club! I was just telling my mentor, I think I have post-college depression. LOL. It seems like when I was in school, I somewhat knew what was going to happen next. However, I talked to a friend recently and she said, "What fun is it if we knew what was to happen next!"..I can see that. I guess part of it, I have that personality where I gotta make sure I plan ahead and I know what to expect so I can prepare. Now I hear God telling me, "Prepare? Don't I take care of you? Am I not the one who holds you in My hand? If I take care the birds of the air, do I not take care of you?" Oh...yeah. The thing is, and maybe you are in this place to, now that I'm home now from living in Cali for a year, Hawaii 7 months, my "adventures" seem gone. However, God wants me to see it as more of a beginning to another journey. I realized I define myself of where I'm at. I'm not going to lie, I thought I was super cool living in Cali, and Hawaii. Yeah, it was a blessed experience, however, a blessing should never define us. It is Jesus who defines who we are. I read in Experiencing God, "The question shouldn't be,'What is God's will for my life?' It should be, 'What is God's will?' Because once we know God's will, we can adjust ourselves to line up with what He is doing." I was reminded last weekend of something I been learning alot of in Hawaii..its denying self. Being selfish, is more exhausting then being selfless. Its easy to give away than it is to take. Its more effort in my experience. Following Jesus isn't an easy road. Its a hard road, but its a road that leads to love, which is hope, which leads to a life of abundancy, which leads to life with Jesus forever..literally never-ending. When we are in step with Jesus, following Him, we have all our needs taken care of. Yeah, it may be tested at time, but we have to have faith that we have assurance in Him. I know God's word has never returned void in my life..He always came through! Maybe not on my terms or on my timing, but He, who has the perfect timing, came through at THE PERFECT timing :) Be filled with hope, friends! He is with you!

God's grace stetches so far...

Last time I blogged on here, I was working with 9-12 year olds. However, now I work with 6-8 year olds. Now, let me tell you...I am really starting to get glimpses of how God sees us as little children. Its almost like at work, God replaces my eyes for His eyes to give me glimpses of how He views me. I love every single one of those kids. Some our good, and some have discipline problems, but I truly love them all the same. God really gave me a heart for all these kids and honestly, I have no idea why. Now, I worked more with High School students, and I hope to one day again, but right now, at least in this season, He wants me with these younger ones. I came home thinking the other day, "Man, how many times did I have to tell those kids, 'Quiet!' and they still weren't quiet." or, "How many times...(fill in the blank)." But then the Lord says, "Jessie, how many times have I told you not to gossip? How many times have I told you to speak up or be silent in this situation?" and so on and so forth. AHH!!! You guys, one thing I have been really convicted of lately is gossip and it seems like no matter where I am, I run into it. And honestly, guys have the problem with the physical lusting, girls have the problem with gossip because we love to talk. There are so many times at work or with my family it happens and I let myself get sucked in. HOWEVER...here is the most amazing part ever..I have conviction! Yeah it sucks, but I know the Holy Spirit is working within me because I know that is wrong. Its like you have a sliver in your finger. You got to get it out but it hurts while you are trying to. ITS A PROCESS! God is working on my heart to show me that I need to flee from gossip, and sometimes I don't even know if it is or not but he is giving me the wisdom to discern. The thing is, I look at these kids, and yeah I feel superior because I'm older. Yeah, I feel like I'm more mature. However, in God's eyes, we are still growing just like these little ones are. We still have a lot to learn. I don't care how old you are, never stop learning. Otherwise, you stop growing, and that's not good. You stay a toddler forever, mentally. God wants us to mature in our relationship with Him, and he will give us all the grace and help we need to do it. Just like a baby learning to walk, they fall down all the time but do you give up on them walking the first couple times they fall? NO! So, neither will God. If you continue to reach for Him, grab His hand, let Him help you, He will hold onto you! Know who your Heavenly Father is, who He really is, so that you know the Hand your holding.