Denying Self

I've been such a slacker at blogging lately. To be honest, I've been in a funk the past several months. Ever since I moved back from Hawaii a year and a half ago, I just couldn't adjust well at home. However, the Lord came through for me a few weeks ago. I finally hit a point where I said, "Ok God, I can't do this anymore. I can't live my life like this. I'm miserable. Please help me. Please." I felt pretty distant from God during my "funk". I felt like I couldn't really rely on Him because it seemed nothing was changing. The reason why nothing was changing is because I was fighting Him against the change. Its funny as humans, we are like savages to go after what we want. Its sad that people end up doing unethical, immoral things. Like today on the news, I heard how 3 teenagers in Oklahoma, killed a young college kid running along the road because they were bored. WHAT IN THE WORLD!? These boys got to a point that they would kill someone just to fulfill their boredom. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Now, that is extreme. However, when we get to that point where we can't take it, instead of turning to the Lord for our need, we end up making things worse. When we come to a point where we "wave the white flag" of surrender, its not "giving up" how the world would perceive it. It is actually doing something. The motto is, "Don't just stand there, do something!" but the Lord says, "Don't just do something, stand there!" Now we must be wise on how we use those statements. I would expect if we saw a person in dire need, we would help them. However in our circumstances, like maybe someone is struggling being single, or financial issues, I wouldn't suggest just grabbing some random person off the street marrying them, or robbing a bank. However, what we do is remain faithful. Like with the single person issue, we wait on upon the Lord for that person we know we could live with or if its the financial issue, its spending less, getting a job, still remaining faithful to the Lord. However, first point of action is, surrender. Saying, "Lord, I can't do this on my own! I NEED YOU!" That is the very first initiation into "standing there". When we say those words, or words along those lines, we are "standing there". However, we have made an action..we surrendered. I really believe that is what Jesus meant when he said in Mark 8: 34-37,
       "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish, sinful ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world and lose your soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?"

If we really call ourselves Christians, lets walk the talk. Now, we are all imperfect and I'm not saying expending yourself to be perfect (like I was doing and got exhausted..yeah, i know its impossible but that's my point) but realizing that we can't do this life on our own. Its impossible. That is why we must "deny ourselves" deny our ability that we think we can do things on our own, and give it to the Lord. Matthew Henry says it perfectly in his quote,
"If you want to have life-real life, abundant life, eternal life the way it was meant to be lived-deny yourself as you take up your cross and follow Jesus. and when the Cross brings you, as it did our Savior, to your face, you will see standing next to you, standing available to you, standing ready to help you Jesus Himself."
Sounds like a relief to me. Pressures off, if you let it.

Hope in the Dry Times

We have those moments in life where the times seem so extensively hard to understand. We go through these times where its like, "What in the world is going on?" or "What is my problem? Why am I acting this way?" or "Why is this happening to me!?" We all go through these times where it seems we just can't comprehend everything that is going around us. As I have been in a season of this, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't know why I am so "bleh", why I'm so tired all the time, and why I just don't feel like myself. Sure, everyone around me may think, "Jess, what are you saying? You seem your giddy, funny, perky, out-going self." Yeah, but I feel like I'm forcing it out. I feel like to be my normal self, its an effort now. Like I"m putting on this front. I don't believe God expects us, as a follower of Him, to walk around with a mask on, but neither does he expect us to walk around with our heads down and a droopy face. There is a major part of being real, but there is a major victory of HOPE. Yes, HOPE! The only thing that can get us through any hard time in our life. If you are going through a similar thing like me right now, not sure where you are going, what to expect, or what the heck is going on...its ok. Satan, ourselves, and society always expects us to have this "plan". Well, our plans suck if its not planned by God. The Lord says, "A man plans his course, but its the LORD who directs his steps." I do believe God does give us dreams and desires for us to have. For example, I so deeply desire to be a wife and a mom one day. Am I that right now at 25? No. Do I have days that I"m freaking out that I"m 25 and I'm not even dating anyone?! Absolutely. However, that is just all image-nonsense. However, in the meantime, He STILL plans for me. Yeah, I understand, its hard getting out of "the funk". Believe me, I'm going through it right now. However, deep down, amongst what lies may tell me, what I may feel, and how I compare myself to others, and a crazy hectic work schedule that sometimes I may feel consumed by, I have this amazing sense of joy that can only come from the Lord. That joy is my hope to get me through this time in my life. I don't have all the answers, and I certainly am NOT perfect. I'm trying to figure out the balance of life and how the Lord so desperately wants us to live life. But that is why I can not give up on hope. Hope that only comes from Jesus. He is the reason we have hope at all. We can't let life pass us by while we sink in this hole of, "Welp, nothing is going to change..this is it for me." or "I"m a loser..straight-up loser". No! If we believe that, then we don't believe in the power of Christ and what Hope he has brought us through His death and resurrection. Now, I'm not trying to get on my soapbox, this definitely goes for me, too. But we need to encourage each other to live in this hope because it is SO easily lost when trials come. So folks, lets persevere through these hard times. All truth is God' truth and in order to seek that truth, we must KNOW His Word. This will help us shred the lies that easily entangle us. Hang in there, guys. Hope is here! And it comes in the form of a Person...Jesus!

so far my journey in Exodus....

So I have been reading through Exodus the past 2 weeks or so now and I'm at chapter 16. It was one Sunday leading worship at our youth group that I felt the Lord wanted me to read in Exodus. Had no idea why, but it kept coming to me. The Lord has been just loading me with so much He wanted to tell me! I never got so much insight before. Its like I stepped up to another level of hearing the Lord. So I would like to share a few things with you what I have been learning. It amazes me how the Lord is sovereign. In the beginning of Exodus, it talks about Moses and a bit of his background. Moses was Hebrew/Israelite. Back when he was born, the Hebrews were slaves to the Egyptians. Now, Pharaoh wanted all the first born Hebrew baby boys killed because he didn't like how many Hebrews there were. Sounds like the Holocaust to me. I mean there's a "back in the day" Hitler. Anyways, Moses mother, being the brave and trusting in the Lord woman she is, made a basket and sent Moses down the Nile river so that he may live. NOW!! This amazes me..the SOVEREIGNTY of the Lord...how in the heck did that basket not tip over or some crazy fish or animal get into it?? Or how did it not get stuck on some rock and Moses just die to death because of no food?? THE LORD!!! The Lord is in control! He has a plan!! He guided that basket right down the river into the arms of Pharaoh's daughter! NOW HOLD UP!! What?! Pharaoh's daughter? Uhh..Hello!! Her dad basically wants this kid dead! God, what are you thinking?! Again, God's sovereignty. He softens Pharaoh's daughter's heart to care for Moses. This leads to him growing up around the Egyptians to then free the Israelites! God heard the wailing of the Israelites in slavery for many years...However, He had the perfect timing, the perfect person, and the perfect way to show His power, love and majesty! Now, the Lord calls Moses when he is a bit grown-up now to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. We know a bit about the story of the burning bush (if not, DON't Fret! Just read Exodus 3 or just start reading exodus.) Moses felt he was inadequate to do a job like that because of his speech impediment and how he gets tongue-tied. I know how that is. The Lord sometimes calls me to speak in a confrontation and its scary but He gives me the words. The Lord chose Moses and Aaron to approach Pharaoh to "LET MY PEOPLE GO!" and Pharaoh, who has no fear in the Lord and has a hardened heart towards the Lord, refuses. But Moses and Aaron do not give up despite all the times they came to confront Pharaoh because they had faith the Lord had their back. They were just called to be a vessel and be obedient. The Lord took care of the rest. I can talk about so much on here and I"ll just to be more consistent with my posts, however, the Lord is always in control. So many times he is showing me that the reason things happen the way they do is, despite the fact that we do have free will and bad things happen because we live in a fallen world, He is in control. We freak out so easily when one thing seems sketchy! Like the Israelites when they escape out of Egypt and they see the Egyptians coming up behind them, they freak out. And before then when the plagues happened because Pharaoh would not release the Israelites, God protected them from all the plagues He sent to show Pharaoh that He is Lord. The Lord parted the Red Sea for them! He provided them good water when they reached Marah because the water was first bitter but then they complained, "AHH! we're going to die! We should've never left Egypt!" Ye of little faith! We believe this lie that "only good things happen once". NOT TRUE! Or.."oh its a coincidence!" NO! There is no such thing! The Lord provides, protects, leads, the ones He loves! He loves all of us, but its our choice to be obedient and listen! Just because things may seem out of whack or uncertain, if we commit our ways to the Lord, we will succeed (Proverbs 16:3)! Maybe not in our way, or our timing, but we will overcome whatever the obstacle is! When God calls us to do something, it is going to be something we cannot do. BUT! He can do it through us! God does tasks that only God can do. However, He wants us to join him in it so he uses us to accomplish His will! So when the Lord calls you to do something, don't focus on how big the task is, but how big God is and how he is going to accomplish it through you by you being obedient!

Discipline brings out Integrity

Have you ever just been so frustrated why things just don't work out? I bet you have. We all have. There are times when I'm like, "Come on, God! What the heck?! Why isn't this happening?!" or "Why is this happening!?" Its so funny how we think we know what is best for ourselves. We often think, "If only I had this...". But the truth is, that may not always be the best for us. Think about it, if I gave you a HUGE bag of M&Ms and yeah, you could eat the whole thing in one sitting and you would probably enjoy eating it. However, the side-effects wouldn't be as enjoyable. You would probably be pretty sick. Probably would be in the bathroom the rest of the night. You see, things that we think may be good for us, aren't always. "All things are permissible but not beneficial" I believe Paul talks about that somewhere in Philippians maybe? Now, I'm not saying that all our wants are bad but we just have to make sure it does not get in the way between us and the Lord. Jesus must come first in our life. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "..let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the CHAMPION, who initiates and perfects our faith." When something comes in the way between us and God, we need to throw it off. Now, me being a huge NOTRE DAME fan, (Yes, they are #1!!!), is not a bad thing. However, if I put ND in front of God by maybe thinking about ND way more than I think about God, or if I refuse to do something that God is calling me to do because ND is playing..then well, I need to recheck myself. God has made a humongous sacrifice through Jesus to call us to a life a abundance. That is the race He has set before us. Now, its not an easy life, but its a life that we may be truly fulfilled that nothing else could ever fulfill. Yes, even ND winning the championship can not compare to the life fulfilled God has given us. Though, it would be a great addition! :) With that life, comes discipline. In Hebrews continuing on in verses 5, 7 and 10 respectively, "...don't give up when He corrects you", "As you endure the divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own child", and "But God's discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in His holiness". These verses are to show us the truth of God's discipline in our lives. Its not to make our life suck. Its not to hurt us and to make life no fun. Rather it is to make life more fun and make more of a "well-rounded" life. God wants us to be free and not slaves to addictions, feeling that "I have to do this or I"ll die!!" or "Well, in order to be cool or gain respect or popularity, I have to be this way or do this." God's like, "Really?? No you don't! You're life is going to be way more freeing, way more abundant, and way more awesome when you choose to follow My path I have for you." I promise, guys, I would NEVER go back to my old ways. Yes, I trip up sometimes, but what do you do when you fall?? You get back up! God isn't like, "Oops! You messed up! Get out!" He's there to extend His hand to you, pick you up and get you back on His path for you. Don't think its too late! Its too late when you're dead, but you're not so turn it around! God loves you so much! He loved you so much He died for you so you can have this abundant life. Don't give up, guys! Keep seeking, keep knocking, keep asking, and He'll reveal Himself to you more and more and more.

Complacency

I have been trying to get up an extra half-hour earlier to spend time with the Lord. I'm really trying to discipline myself. Sometimes, its funny how when we do something for so long, we just go through the motions. We become lazy and it has no meaning. I kinda feel like that lately. I just am going through the motions. Maybe because I've been busy but the thing is BUSY is Being Under Satan's Yoke. God never intended us to "busy". At least too busy where we do not spend time with Him. The thing is, we don't understand that we don't have time NOT to spend time with Him. Its so critical in our life to spend time with Him, to know Him, to seek Him. Especially this day in age, there is so much crap going on its ridiculous. Thank God, God is gracious and merciful and most of all patient. I guess what I'm getting at is, we can't afford to be lazy and complacent. I'm not going to lie, I'm guilty of it. I was reading in John 15 this morning. Lately, I have been going through Proverbs but this morning I felt the Lord leading me to John 15. Jesus talks about how He is the vine and we are the branches. How apart from Him we can do nothing. We can't bear fruit, we can't produce fruit. We are basically dead apart from Him. Now God comes and prunes the plant. He takes off the dead branches that are not producing fruit and prunes the ones that need some shaping up. I NEVER want to be a dead branch. I always want to remain enact with the Vine.I feel like if I did not have Jesus in my life, its like my air supply is cut off..I CAN"T LIVE WITHOUT HIM! The thing is, its possible for us to become so lazy that we fall off. Paul talks about in Philippians I believe, "working out your salvation". Now, its not based off works but its about staying true to our convictions, where is our heart? When the pruning comes, this keeps us cleaned up and shaped up. Yeah, it sucks when we are getting "pruned" but the Lord talks about "disciplining because He loves us". He prunes us because He wants the best for us and does not want anything in our life that will hinder us from Him and having an abundant life. I guess as sheep, we don't understand that sometimes. All this to say, is that it is vital we seek the Lord. It is vital that we come to know Him and seek Him! When you experience the Lord, you'll never want to go back. You become free from all the things you thought were pleasurable but it was only the world and Satan deceiving you saying it was. God has so much more for you than you can imagine. He loves you and wants you to experience a relationship with Him that will change your life. Don't let laziness get in the way! Seek, Knock, Ask...you'll truly find!

Answered prayers!! God Hears us!

Do you ever have those times where it seems like God isn't listening? Maybe you have been praying for something so long and its just like, "God..what the heck?!" I know I've had those times. Especially when I want something. I sometimes don't understand why its not happening at this moment. I'm thinking, "what am I doing wrong?..Do I not hear God's voice?" Often times, the Lord uses patience to test us for endurance. Its not that God doesn't hear us, but its that He will answer it when the time comes. Now, don't get me wrong, we have to have a relationship with Jesus. It can't just be, "God give me this.." and then we go off and do our own thing. Jesus always prayed, "May YOUR will be done." That is how we ought to pray...not our will but His. So tonight, we had our family bible study. I have not been there in awhile since I moved into my apartment but in case you don't know, my mom's cousins started a bible study for our family members. The Lord told them to minister to our family and its been going on now for maybe 3 or 4 years. So tonight, we had a discussion about the rapture and giving our life to Christ before its too late. Now for 6 years I was praying for my mom. Since I became saved, I never stopped praying for my mom. I knew she wanted to know the Lord but did not want to give up on her traditions. However, tonight she said, "I want to surrender my life to the Lord." SAY WHAT?!!?? Lord, did you just answer my prayer?!? My mom wants to give her life to the Lord!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! My mom has always been my rock since I was born. She never left my side, even when I came to the Lord, she was definitely confused about it, but she never deserted me. However, tonight she now is beginning to realize what I began to realize 6 years ago. When you pray, pray with faith. Just because it does not happen now, does not mean it won't happen at all. In James 5:16 it says, "The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." When we pray, we make a difference. The Lord wants us to come to Him and make our requests known. But we have to have the attitude that He is sovereign and whatever happens it is in his control and we must trust Him. Sometimes we just want things our way at that moment, however, God knows the hearts of ALL men. He knows when is right time. You guys, I'm just so stoked on how the Lord loves! Seriously, if you do not know Him, I pray that you come to know Him. Read the scriptures! You will know Him through His word and then you will experience it for yourselves! Just like my mom did! He wrote a love letter to you, so read it before its too late! He will come!! He is coming!! He wants you to come to Him!!

The Journey of Life: Maturity

For some reason, that word, "maturity", has been coming up many times for me the past month or so. It has been subjects of conversations, sermons, as well as my time with God. Maturity is not a destination, its a journey. Its a process. Its not something we just can obtain by asking, but having to go through the process. Its kind of like when we grow physically. You aren't just going to be 6 foot right away. Its a gradual process. You first are like 19 inches long, then you move up to 2 feet, 3 feet, etc. until you hit 6 foot. Or like, me, you only reach 5 foot 3 inches :/. Yeah, that's my destination with height. Not that height determines your maturity, but it determines your character. I was having some time with God this morning and I've been pretty anxious about a couple things in my life. Even to the point, I cannot get much sleep. I was reading about "Wives" in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and it talked about wives submitting to their husbands and how wives should be having a gentle, quiet spirit and not having fear. Now, if you know me, I'm a pretty out-going, class-clown, pretty joyful person. Yet, I also know how to get serious when it needs to be. Now, I was thinking for the longest time, "OH MAN! do I have to be this quiet, introverted person!?" NO! God doesn't want you to change your personality, but what He meant is, do not be anxious. Don't be dominant and over-bearing. Just let things happen as they happen. Oh man, is that hard for me. Yet, to be honest, just within this past year or so, I have grown in that area. I have matured. God got me to a place where I could not do anything about my situations except submit to Him and pray. Now, there is something I desire so much in my life and I'm not sure why it's not happening. However, I know its worth the wait. God gave me this analogy today and I would like to share it with you. Legos are a fun, good thing. Every boy at least loves legos. Me, being a girl, I loved legos as well. I grew up with my older brother playing them and my younger brother is obsessed about them. Now, if you give a baby or a toddler legos under 5 years old, it would not be good for them. They don't know how to use legos and they might choke because they tend to put everything in their mouth. What I'm trying to get at is, legos are not a bad thing. However, you need to be at a MATURE age to use them. Same with how God hold back his blessings or gifts for awhile. They are good gifts and he gives us the desire to have them. However, its important we hit to a point of maturity where we can handle those blessings or gifts. We have to go through the growing pain of reaching maturity. And the journey of growth never stops. Even when you are 80, you are still learning. Don't think teachable moments as a bad thing, but think of it as a growth of maturity. God wants us to grow in the maturity of Christ which then will we be reaping treasures that will never be taken away from us. The more we grow in the maturity of Christ, the more we will live the abundant life He intended us to have and the essence of that is knowing Jesus! That is the biggest reward in life is knowing the Creator of the Universe. I know sometimes, I take that for granted and I get so caught up in what I'm doing, I set that time aside to know Him. I"m guilty of it. However, that is why I'm going to get off now and talk to God for awhile. I hope this encouraged you and shows you that there is Someone who care about you and loves you! Trust Him for He has great plans for you! :)

War

Its been so long since I have blogged and I apologize. I have a new job at my college, Bethel College in Mishawaka, IN (my hometown) as an admission counselor. God totally hooked that up! So I definitely have some good stuff to tell you! ....I just don't know where to begin...HAHA! Anyways, God is just so amazing. This summer has been such an amazing, growing, humbling time of my life. You know those times where maybe things aren't working out, and you don't understand why? Maybe something fell through or you got blamed for something you didn't do (I know how that feels...)? But then later on you realize, "I get it!" That's been my summer. Since I moved back from Kauai, its been tough. Ain't going to lie. My life has changed tremendously. New life, new friends, new place to live. Its been good but hard at the same time. Some friendships are still there, some are lost. However, I trust God has a plan and He definitely revealed that to me lately. I feel like the past 8 months just have been one thing after another. I got to a point when things would go good, I would just be waiting for things to go bad. It was hard for me to have a good perspective. Until one day, I was meeting with my awesome mentor, and I was like, "This is so stupid! Satan is trying to steal my hope and joy!" Joyce Meyer also was a great impact of encouragement. But she was saying how important it is to cover yourself with God's Word. Everyday you are fighting a battle. Physically or spiritually. We need Truth to get through our day. Truth is not a concept, its a Person. And that Person is Jesus! When we do not clothe our self with Him, its like going out in a war zone with no protective gear, no bullet proof vest. Now, how many of us would do that in a war zone, like Afganistan or Iraq? Guaranteed we would be putting 5 bullet proof vests, buckling our helmets, bringing as much ammo as we could! Why do we not do that in our daily life? We are in a war! We are fighting against lies, false accusations, Satan and we need Jesus to get through that. Jesus has overcame death by the cross. The victory is won! However, you choose if you want to be on the winning side. You choose if you want to live a life of victory or a life of defeat. Now, most people think living a life victorious in Christ is rules and no fun. However, if you truly know Jesus, its not! You realize the things of the world are rules, standards, cultural settings that we have to live by in order to fit in. With Christ, we are free of all that. Living a life abundantly in Christ is such amazing freedom! The war is already won, however, you choose if you are partying with Christ or chained-up, losing with the Enemy. Jesus wants you on His side, and He invites ANYONE who is willing to come over. Get to know Jesus. His hand is extended out to you! Its up to you how far you want to go.

Steady my Heart

Have you guys listened to this song called, "Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe? She is a christian singer but you should definitely look up this song when you get a chance on youtube or whatever. Definitely pay attention to the lyrics. The second verse that says, "I'm not gunna worry. I know that you got me right inside the palm of your hand. Each and every moment, whats good and what gets broken, happens just the way you plan." and then the chorus goes, "Even when it hurts, even when its hard, even when it all just falls apart. I will run to you cuz I know that you are lover of my soul, healer of my scars. You steady my heart." The second verse just hits me. Everytime I listen to this part, even the whole song, it speaks so much truth to me. Seems like lately, things were coming along in my life then..all of a sudden, everything came to a halt! I'm thinking, "Come on, God! Seriously!? I have been waiting so long and now its crumbling?! What did I do now?!" Its not easy to not over-think, to not worry, and to stay calm. Trusting God is not easy! It can be frustrating, shaky, and difficult. However, its all I got. No one, or nothing can give me grace and have me "in the palm of His hands" like the Lord does. When the second verse says, "whats good and what gets broken, happens just the way you plan." I really try to cling to that as truth. God is sovereign and He is in control. I'm not going to lie on here, I have been wrestling with God lately, asking Him, "Ok, God seriously, you are being like every guy in my life, misleading it seems. Give me something here that you haven't forgotten me!" You know when you are watching a baby, or maybe you have a child of your own, and you are making its bottle and its freaking out on you because you set them down and they are crying, thinking you forgot them. You are just making it's bottle. You have not forgotten them! God is doing the same. God's like, "Jessie! Chill out, I'm making the bottle! My plans are in the making..its timing!!" Its hard being patient. Especially how I feel right now, like nothing is happening in my life. I thought I saw some light, but now I'm not so sure what that entails. I thought I had an idea but not sure what to think now. Yes, people are going to hurt you, you might get blamed for things you didn't do, you get misunderstood, but the Lord is going to fight for you! Lately, since things kind of feel like they fell apart for me, I'm thinking, "What did I do?" But the thing is, I confess and apologize for the wrong I know I've done but the rest you have to leave up to God or if it is dealing with another person, you have to leave that up to God and that person. Maybe, like me, you are waiting to hear on a job, or something like that, and it's taking forever! You want this so bad, but we have to trust that God has it! In the chorus of the song "Even when it hurts, EVEN when its hard, EVEN when it all just falls apart, I WILL RUN TO YOU! CUZ I KNOW that you are lover of my soul, healer of my scars." God is the only one that can take care of this. He is the only one that can "heal your scars", heal you from your past hurts and to keep you moving forward. God loves you and He wants His best for you! I don't know why things fall apart but God knows what He is doing and He wants His best for you! Nothing can mess up His plan! The thing is, this is a hurting world, we are all hurting people, we all hurt each other. However, we can choose to join God in forgiveness and kindness. Either way, whatever side you are positioned in, we should forgive and let God take care of the rest. We were probably that person one time before that we were really angry and took it out on a person who wasn't even the root of an issue. I've done that. But if you are a person who got unjustly accused, forgive that person because they are hurting. Jesus calls us to follow Him. Its not an easy road. Its literally denying all our "rights" we think we have as humans and dying to ourselves putting Jesus first and being called to Love. Love is not about fairness. Its about putting others above yourself, keeping no records of wrong, forgiveness, patient. Read 1 cor. 13. Kindness leads to repentance. God is so kind, I am led to my knees to repent by how awesome his grace is. I am a sinner and I need Him. Though, I may not understand God's ways..and I may get frustrated at times, I may question what He's doing and get mad...but at the end of it, I have no right, no reason, for Him to say He does not love me, because He gave up the most precious thing, His Son, to die on our behalf. How many of us would even give up our dog or our playstation, for another? Exactly! God gave up His ONLY SON! God loves you. He is NOT out to get you when things go wrong. He doesn't just hate you. He loves you! And once His best for you! Just trust He will lead you, defend you, help you, guide you! But most of all, trust Him that He loves you!

Something Beautiful

Its amazing how when in life, things can look so dark and dreary. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. Have you ever been, maybe on a hike and it just seems forever and you are thinking, "Where is the falls?" or "Where is the treasure!?" perhaps? When I was living on Kauai, we hiked the Hanakapia Trail. We hiked 6 miles to the falls and I'm thinking, "Geez, are we there yet?!" Six miles seemed forever, but it was so worth it! One of the most beautiful things I've seen in my life. Our trials seem so long most of the time. It seems uncertain and shaky. However, when we finally reach the light that we thought would never see, the journey becomes beautiful. Something beautiful God wanted to do in our life to bring us closer to Him. And when He draws us closer to Him, that is the most beautiful thing! When we are able to get in His presence, no where is better! I take that for granted many times. I was at a young adult group and someone said, "I know a guy who never missed his quiet time with God in 22 years!" I was thinking, "Oh snap!" How many times have I just gotten lazy and rather do or think about other things rather than spend some daily time with God. I mean think about it. In a romantic relationship, we would want to spend all the time we could with them! When that boy is coming to pick you up at 6pm, or when you are going to pick that girl up at 6pm, you are getting stoked to see that person! Why can't I get to that point with God? I get there sometimes, but not all the time. Its not that I don't like spending time with God because when I do it, I never regret it. However, its important to make it the number one priority. God gets so stoked to see us at "6pm". He can't wait to pick us up and go on that date! Why is it so many times I stand Him up? I guess this is really hitting me, now. Jesus says in John 5:19-20, "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, to your amazement he will show him even greater things than these." Jesus saw what the Father was doing because Jesus actually took the time to let God show him what He was doing. All this in saying is we shouldn't just come to God when we are going through a hard time. We should always be in communicating with Him to know Him more. Then through that growing relationship, will we know our purpose here in this life. I'm so convicted right now. I get so caught up in my daily tasks and relationships that I don't always make time for the most important relationship...Jesus. Thanks be to God I have been convicted! Here it is, folks! Evidence of the Holy Spirit working in a believer! God's grace is so good and so sufficient! Don't underestimate it, just go for it!

In the secret of His presence..we are restored

Can you think of a time you went to meet maybe an old friend you haven't seen in awhile? Maybe it was weeks, going on months, maybe even years! When you sat down and talked to this friend...it might of felt a little awkward but when you decide to let loose and tell them how much you missed them, the conversation just flows? I don't know if some of you ever had that experience. I had it with a few friends, however, that just recently happened between God and I. From my last posts, I was maybe sounding like a "Debbie-Downer". Yeah. That's true, I was. I was going through a depression. I see some light now. Depression comes and we can choose to let it go. It doesn't matter if its been one day or years for depression..it comes, but we can choose to let it go. Depression is NOT from God. I don't think we realize that depression is one of Satan's greatest tricks to turn us away from God. Do you know you are a treasure to God? When He looks at you, He sees a beautiful treasure beyond what we can see! Think of the most prettiest Christmas lights ever, or the most prettiest diamond necklace ever...now, times that by infinity!!! Yeah, thats what I thought..unbelievable, yea? Well, keep your jaw up because its true! God sees you like that! I have been in a funk lately, but when I decided, key word..DECIDED, to spend some time with the Lord, there He was waiting for me. He never once did not show up nor turn His ear. When I decided to hear what He had to say, I was filled with joy. Now, joy isn't necessarily happiness, but its a hope. A hope that shows you, "there is light at the end of the tunnel". With God, that is true in EVERY situation. I don't care what is going on in your life, God is BIG, POWERFUL, and can take care of ANY situation. Lie: We have to take care of it on our own and that God is just a fairytale? That is BULL!!! Don't believe it! If you choose to, then good luck..which luck does not exist..its blessings and those come from the Lord, so I suggest to turn to Him. We all been there and we go there sometimes, thinking we got it on our own. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You can do all things through who? Christ!! NOT.."I can do all things." I think sometimes we can drop the last part "through Christ WHO.." what?..."strengthens me!!" He gives us strength! Just ask! We gotta ask! God is the perfect gentleman. He isn't going to force Himself on you if you don't want Him. But He is always there for you when you fall and you cry out to Him, like the babies we are. HAHA! You got a Daddy that loves you! Talk to Him. Let Him sit you up on His lap and talk to you! We all need it at ANY age!

Fight the good Fight!

I haven't been feeling myself lately. I think everything for me is just coming to the surface. Everything I tried to pat down and cover up, is all coming out. Definitely the thoughts I have been having are not me. Not what I ever thought of before. A lot of anger and hurt is coming out. But I know the Lord wants me to deal with it. I try to just put a band-aid on it to not see that the hurt is there. But the Lord sees the hurt, and he wants me to be healed. In that case, I have to go through it, not over it.
Just because we cover things up, does not mean its not there. I never knew what my mentor meant when she said, "when the pain comes, let it come." Now, I know. It is not fun. To be honest, the feelings is hopelessness. You feel alone, you feel like you can't see anything..that there is no way out. It even is harder to come to God because you feel ashamed for all the wrong thoughts and acts you have done in the pain. BUT...those are lies from Satan. It is so important we catch those lies. And believe me, it can be hard when you already feel beat to the ground. The biggest lie is that "you can never come to God, now" <----THAT IS A LIE!!! NEVER for one second, as hard as it is, to give into that LIE. I was believing that lie this past weekend, and it was so hard, but I had to use every ounce in me to pray. Fight that lie back with as much anger as you already have by clinging to Jesus. In 1 Tim.6:12 it says, "Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses."
Satan attacks those who are a threat to him. So if you are getting attacked like I am, we are threats. God wants to use us for big things and Satan knows it! But we have to know "the same power that raised Jesus from the dead also lives in us." (Rom.8:11) God will fight our battle if we just cling to Him. Any negative thoughts we have about God, are from Satan. No matter how true it feels, its not..Satan is a deceiver!
I want to encourage all of you are are going through a tough time, we may not see anything right now but we gotta know God's cookin something. He hasn't brought us in the kitchen yet..but it is coming! Just like a baby, we can be, who is screaming for food in the other room..they can't see it! Until they realize, after the mother brings it to them, it was being prepared all along.

Never Look Back

How many of us look back at our life thinking, "Oh, if I would of done this..." or "Why did this happen?" or maybe you are stuck on something in your past that you just can't seem to get over. Maybe something traumatic happened to you or maybe its something that you can't seem to forgive yourself. Basically, you just keep re-reading chapters in your life. I know I do! We all do. I heard an interesting quote today.."You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." What Satan likes to do is keep us stuck in something that blocks us to move forward. The feeling of guilt is from him. Guilt is a feeling that is like sticky glue. It keeps us where we are at. Conviction is from the Lord. It shows us what is wrong and then is that blade to get us off of the wrong and to get us back on our feet. Satan likes to twist conviction and guilt. Conviction keeps us moving, it spurs us. Like cowboys kick horses in the side to get them moving. It spurs them onward to their destination. For us, that would be learning and growing. Guilt pounds us to the ground where we do not move.
Do you know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah? If you take a look at Genesis 19, it talks about God destroying this city that is SOO sinful. This just came upon me now and I wanted to blog about it because I believe the Lord wanted me to share this revelation. Take a look at Gen.19. When God was destroying the city, Lot and his wife and daughters, along with Abraham and his family, were told to flee and to not look back. Well, Lot's wife looked back and she became a "pillar of salt" (vs.26). Lot's wife looked back to what would be the past. When we keep dwelling on the past, we become this "pillar of salt". We are indwelling ourselves with past situations that we are like stone looking at them. God has so much to He wants to accomplish through you that in order to let Him do that, we have to give control over to Him and NEVER LOOK BACK. We all did things we regret, we all messed up. We STILL mess up, but that doesn't stop God from doing what He wants to do. Maybe some of us feel, and I feel this way, too sometimes, that we screwed everything up and its like, "how do we get back on track now? I was suppose to do this, this, and this and I didn't. So I missed out!" Do not believe now God is going to give you second best. He is going to give you a new best. He knew before you were even created what choices we were going to make, what mistakes we would make. This goes for me too, but the Lord has control. Let Him be God and stop trying to fix your past. He has a plan, and he knew that stuff was going into play. Let him call the plays in your life.

Hope during the uncertainty

Do you guys ever feel like you just don't know whats going to happen next? Maybe you're looking at your life and you are trying to maybe see what you have going for you and you don't even know what that is. Maybe it looks like nothing is ahead. Join the club! I was just telling my mentor, I think I have post-college depression. LOL. It seems like when I was in school, I somewhat knew what was going to happen next. However, I talked to a friend recently and she said, "What fun is it if we knew what was to happen next!"..I can see that. I guess part of it, I have that personality where I gotta make sure I plan ahead and I know what to expect so I can prepare. Now I hear God telling me, "Prepare? Don't I take care of you? Am I not the one who holds you in My hand? If I take care the birds of the air, do I not take care of you?" Oh...yeah. The thing is, and maybe you are in this place to, now that I'm home now from living in Cali for a year, Hawaii 7 months, my "adventures" seem gone. However, God wants me to see it as more of a beginning to another journey. I realized I define myself of where I'm at. I'm not going to lie, I thought I was super cool living in Cali, and Hawaii. Yeah, it was a blessed experience, however, a blessing should never define us. It is Jesus who defines who we are. I read in Experiencing God, "The question shouldn't be,'What is God's will for my life?' It should be, 'What is God's will?' Because once we know God's will, we can adjust ourselves to line up with what He is doing." I was reminded last weekend of something I been learning alot of in Hawaii..its denying self. Being selfish, is more exhausting then being selfless. Its easy to give away than it is to take. Its more effort in my experience. Following Jesus isn't an easy road. Its a hard road, but its a road that leads to love, which is hope, which leads to a life of abundancy, which leads to life with Jesus forever..literally never-ending. When we are in step with Jesus, following Him, we have all our needs taken care of. Yeah, it may be tested at time, but we have to have faith that we have assurance in Him. I know God's word has never returned void in my life..He always came through! Maybe not on my terms or on my timing, but He, who has the perfect timing, came through at THE PERFECT timing :) Be filled with hope, friends! He is with you!

God's grace stetches so far...

Last time I blogged on here, I was working with 9-12 year olds. However, now I work with 6-8 year olds. Now, let me tell you...I am really starting to get glimpses of how God sees us as little children. Its almost like at work, God replaces my eyes for His eyes to give me glimpses of how He views me. I love every single one of those kids. Some our good, and some have discipline problems, but I truly love them all the same. God really gave me a heart for all these kids and honestly, I have no idea why. Now, I worked more with High School students, and I hope to one day again, but right now, at least in this season, He wants me with these younger ones. I came home thinking the other day, "Man, how many times did I have to tell those kids, 'Quiet!' and they still weren't quiet." or, "How many times...(fill in the blank)." But then the Lord says, "Jessie, how many times have I told you not to gossip? How many times have I told you to speak up or be silent in this situation?" and so on and so forth. AHH!!! You guys, one thing I have been really convicted of lately is gossip and it seems like no matter where I am, I run into it. And honestly, guys have the problem with the physical lusting, girls have the problem with gossip because we love to talk. There are so many times at work or with my family it happens and I let myself get sucked in. HOWEVER...here is the most amazing part ever..I have conviction! Yeah it sucks, but I know the Holy Spirit is working within me because I know that is wrong. Its like you have a sliver in your finger. You got to get it out but it hurts while you are trying to. ITS A PROCESS! God is working on my heart to show me that I need to flee from gossip, and sometimes I don't even know if it is or not but he is giving me the wisdom to discern. The thing is, I look at these kids, and yeah I feel superior because I'm older. Yeah, I feel like I'm more mature. However, in God's eyes, we are still growing just like these little ones are. We still have a lot to learn. I don't care how old you are, never stop learning. Otherwise, you stop growing, and that's not good. You stay a toddler forever, mentally. God wants us to mature in our relationship with Him, and he will give us all the grace and help we need to do it. Just like a baby learning to walk, they fall down all the time but do you give up on them walking the first couple times they fall? NO! So, neither will God. If you continue to reach for Him, grab His hand, let Him help you, He will hold onto you! Know who your Heavenly Father is, who He really is, so that you know the Hand your holding.

Intimate times called to be with the Lord

Ever since I came home from Kauai, I have been questioning so much on "What the heck is going on!?" I mean, why was I pulled out? Why did I leave? Did I give up or was I called out? Well, just yesterday and today, I finally just took time to be quiet under the Lord. Sounds easy, but I don't know if its just me, but its hard b/c we are so self-centered we don't know how to shut ourselves up sometimes. The Lord puts us through tests sometimes to see if we will choose Him or what we want. If you heard of that story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham wanted a son soo bad, God gave him one, then later on He asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.
Imagine yourself as a little child. You are playing with toys. God is trying to get your attention, talk to you, maybe wants to take you out for ice cream, some one-on-one time. However, you are so wrapped up in playing with your toys, you either ignore him, tell him "not right now!", or maybe you might slam the door on him and tell him to go away. God knows you need that one-on-one time/talk with him for your relationship to work with him, so because He loves you, He takes away the "toys". Maybe you kick and scream for a bit. You don't understand why He is taking them away. However, when he finally has your attention you realize you needed these moments. That the ice cream He took you out for was way better than your soap opera barbie game, or your killer lego castle!
God wants our attention. He showed me that the past 2 days. He had to take my "toys" away so I could give him my attention. Now, its never to say He won't give them back. He'll either give us new polished toys back, or newer, better ones! When we miss time with the Lord, we miss out. And I'm speaking to myself here b/c I know there are times He has called me and I'm like, "but Boy Meets World is on!" Don't miss out on what the Lord wants to teach you. Its for your benefit, when it may hurt sometimes. I share this b/c, I may or may not know you, that doesn't matter, but I want you to know the love of Christ that I have experienced daily. There are times I don't see it or I miss it, but b/c I know His truth, its there!

2 weeks I've been home:

Hey guys! Sorry its been awhile since I've posted. Life has been crazy since moving back from Kauai. Started a new job, been on a hunt finding a car which I finally did. I work at Boys and Girls club. So now, probably will be alot of posts about my job there. Which let me tell you, after 3 days of working their..I learned so much! I'm learning about being a parent, and how God disciplines us because he loves us. For example, yesterday I had to sit this boy out b/c he was being disrespectful to other students and me. I work with 9-12 year-old so he's like 9 I think. Anyways, he was so mad at me for sitting him out, but I had to be stern with him and tell him to sit. It was hard for me, because I wanted to reach out to him and I wanted him to like me. However, discipline had to take place for him to learn. After having a time-out, I came to talk to him, still mad at me, he wouldn't talk when I asked him questions. So I left him alone until he was ready to talk. About 5 minutes later, he came running up to me, and saying how sorry he was and that he will not hit people. I gave him a side-hug and said you're ok and I forgive you. And when he saw that on my face he grinned and went on playing. In that moment, I really realized what we can be like when God disciplines us. We don't understand why or what is going on, but when we learn, and we want forgiveness, he is ready to forgive with a big-embracing hug! At the club, you can only give side-hugs because the world is crazy today and we got some sick action going on, but the Lord, that doesn't affect him, he gives you a NICE BIG MUSHY hug! Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I miss Kauai like crazy! I miss surfing, I miss my friends there. But I know, at least in this season, I have to be back home. I read an article the other day called "We need boring Christians" its on relevant magazine's website. Its about how its ok that God doesn't call you to India or California, or Hawaii in that matter, when he wants you to pour out in your hometown. Like me, he could call you back to your home. But wherever you are at, your business is a heavenly business. Its not about what people think, or how they think it should be. Do what the Lord has set before you. I sometimes feel like a loser b/c I'm living back at home and I'm not in Hawaii. Living in Hawaii, I felt so cool and got alot of praise from people. However, thats not what we are to seek b/c if we seek the approval of man, then we are not a servant of Christ (Gal. 1:10). Seek His Heart, not His Hand..b/c when we seek His heart, we will notice His Hand is right behind us guiding us to where He wants us.

What if????

Let me tell ya, since deciding to go home I have been an emotional wreck! I love it out here, I love the people, however, I do feel like my time is up! I get scared though going back home because I'm going to start out working at starbucks still but I'm thinking, "oh my gosh, what happens if that all I do!? What happens if I never get out on my own again!? what if..WHAT if..WHAT IF!" God's like, "What if?? What if, what? Am I not God that I can't handle the 'what if's??" Slap in DA face! Its amazing how we freak out, we rely on ourselves. I mean would you put your trust in a person who freaks out? I don't think so. So why do I trust myself when situations seem "What if!?" You guys, I have been so emotionally, physically tired from the last time I blogged on here. Worrying and self-centeredness is exhausting because all you do is try to make things happen that you have no control over! Its like trying to make it rain! And please don't tell me you can control that. Apparently some tourists here think the hotel employees can..pssh! As if! The thing is, we cannot freak out over things we have no control over. When we have decisions to make, we just need to go by the peace of God and trust the consequences of those (good or bad) that the Lord will use that and help us. Now, I'm not saying, "get drunk or don't get drunk" and then think "oh i'll just get drunk and it will be ok b/c God has me" OBVIOUSLY, getting drunk is a sin and not something God wants us to do. However, when it comes to a decision that is not sinful..whether its like staying where you are at or going somewhere else..think of your intentions, think of where your heart is at and ask God for direction. However, its like taking a leap of faith of making the decision and trusting the Lord will take care of it. Leaving it up to him. If we are seeking Him, He WILL NOT let us outside of His will! He's not there to trick us, but to lead us! Don't worry about the "What if"s..and i'm talking to myself here b/c I struggle with that! Lets trust God and let our love for him overflow on others and I"m sure the "What if's" will take care of themselves :)

My world turned upside down..into God's.

The Lord literally turned everything I thought, upside down. I never realized how sometimes God needs to just have us face things we don't want to face or shatter dreams in order for us to get to a place that HE is the only fulfillment we have in life. I'm moving back home in December..at least for now. I never knew how long the Lord would want me here so I'm actually having a lot of peace about it so far. I thought it was to help with this church but honestly, at least from what I can see now, it was to face myself, face things I didn't want to face, and to touch the lives of people out here through it. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways. I never knew how much I put my worth and "marbles" (if you will) into people. We see in many different scriptures how God warns about trusting man over him. Especially one in Gal.10 "If we seek the approval of man, than we are not a servant of Christ." For a long time, even before I was a christian, I always had to seek approval from my parents and friends. I always wanted people to like me and think I"m this awesome, super person. I wanted affirmation! I never sought that in God. I cannot tell you right now I am completely cured of that, but since living out her for 6 months, the Lord brought me to my knees to deal with that. See, you guys, if we seek worth in people, in our jobs, in money, in materialism, basically anything other than God..its all meaningless. Read the book of Ecclesiastes! Solomon was the most wisest man ever, but wisdom alone wasn't enough for him until he sought his life in the Lord. We all walk around on this earth, searching for our purpose. Maybe some of us our asking, "Why am I here?". Why are you here? Those who believe in evolution, ok, lets just say we did come from nothing into something from a big "Bang!" you still wonder your purpose, don't you? You still wonder what the point of you living is? We all have desire to know our purpose and once we open our eyes to the Lord, we can see that purpose! Slowly, but surely! We all desire to be in relationship. But the one that is most fulfilling is the Lord. Being out here I never knew how much I put all "marbles" into relationships out here, BEFORE putting it in the Lord. I thought people could make me happy..so instead of serving God, I was serving people. But the cool thing is, the Lord still used it! How awesome is his grace! :) Let me tell you this, when God gets you on your knees, surrendering, I'm telling you..its not easy, its hard. You can't see clearly, but in that moment you think, "ahh this is so hard what do I do!?!?" That is the moment to be still. Let him take that sliver out of your skin and in order to do that, you NEED to be still.
I went to visit my friend, Jeff, this weekend over on Oahu. The Lord not only blessed me but opened my eyes to that fact that HE LOVES ME! I'm still trying to grasp it but I was just having such a hard time deciding what to do, if I should stay out here or go, but the Lord kept revealing to me that its not about location, its not about where you are at..its about what you are doing with where you are at...are we loving God and loving people?? THAT is his will! I was SOO encouraged this weekend by my friend and his church! Also, the waves on the North Shore were so awesome!! God calmed bigger waves than those 15 footers..thats like a atom to him! LOL God knows what is best, He knows what He is doing. All he asks us to do is to be faithful..to trust Him, be still before Him. Just do what He says which is in his Word, and the rest will come into play!
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire" Psalm 37:4
and how do we do that?
"Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God, and all things will be given." Matthew 6:33
and how do we do that?
"You must love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself" Love God, Love others..Matthew 22:38

You tired yet?

I don't know about you guys, but maybe some of you who are reading this just feel exhausted about your life..maybe what you are doing in your life, or chasing after in your life. I know how you feel. I feel like I have been trying so hard to manipulate situations to make them go my way. Being self-centered and selfish is literally exhausting. I try so hard to do things my way, focus on my wants, my needs, my future. God is like, "really?". I focus so much on, "What is your will for my life God? What about me!?!" Isn't God the Almighty so amazing and ominpresent that he can see me, too?? He can see you and me at the same time and be totally engaged in our conversation with Him. I'm so sick of chasing after acceptance and love when I need to know I have an amazing Lord, God of the universe who loves me and accepts me. I don't have to go chasing Him down like as if he is running away from me. He is coming towards me with arms wide open and saying, "Come to me! I love you!" Why don't I believe that? Why don't we believe that? Maybe its not in the way WE want it to happen, or we don't literally see that. But isn't God above the seeing? He is so powerful in so many ways we don't see! That's how powerful and amazing He is. I'm not gunna sit here and lie to you guys, but I have been struggling so hard lately. I questioned so many times if God loves me, cares about me, or if he even exists. That is Satan's stupid crap to get you alone and attack! Don't let Him. Though truth may not be in the seeing, it is real. A really cool example my friend Ronnie used in his sermon yesterday was, "When you go on a plane, do you ask the pilot, 'were you drinking? did you get enough sleep? are you an actual pilot? Can I see proof?'" No! we don't ask that! We trust that the pilot is a pilot, that he hasn't been drinking and that he is not sleepy. We HAVE FAITH, WE BELIEVE, without even thinking too much about it that we will arrive at our destination. And the funny thing is, we are more likely to crash with a human pilot than we are with God! With God, WE WILL NEVER CRASH! You guys, this came to my mind today while I was listening to a sermon...for me, I have been worrying so much about my life and a certain relationship..that I finally give up on it. Letting go and letting God. I thought today, "Do I really want to keep living this way until the Rapture? Worrying, trying to work things out my way? Or would I rather live my last days here on earth worshipping, loving God, loving others and showing them Jesus? I find so much more joy in the latter than I do the first part. God does not want us to worry. He does not want us to try and figure things out, but He wants us to prepare. Prepare for His coming and the only way we can do that is knowing Him. God's plan for my life is the same as yours...
-Pray without ceasing
-Give thanks in everything
-Rejoice always
-Submit to authority
-Avoid sexual immorality
-Be saved
-Be filled with the Holy Spirit
That is God's 99% will for our lives...the other 1% (occupation, where to live, who you are going to marry, etc.) will fall into place if we just focus on those things..and how to do those..is to know and fall in love with Jesus. I'm so guilty you guys, I suck at this so bad..but I'm doing my best to follow it. God knows we are not perfect, but he sees us as perfect through his Son Jesus by accepting Him into our lives. God sees us as perfect when we acknowledge we are sinners and need Jesus..that is perfection in God's eyes, not what we do. When we acknowledge that, we automatically want to do God's will.