Denying Self

I've been such a slacker at blogging lately. To be honest, I've been in a funk the past several months. Ever since I moved back from Hawaii a year and a half ago, I just couldn't adjust well at home. However, the Lord came through for me a few weeks ago. I finally hit a point where I said, "Ok God, I can't do this anymore. I can't live my life like this. I'm miserable. Please help me. Please." I felt pretty distant from God during my "funk". I felt like I couldn't really rely on Him because it seemed nothing was changing. The reason why nothing was changing is because I was fighting Him against the change. Its funny as humans, we are like savages to go after what we want. Its sad that people end up doing unethical, immoral things. Like today on the news, I heard how 3 teenagers in Oklahoma, killed a young college kid running along the road because they were bored. WHAT IN THE WORLD!? These boys got to a point that they would kill someone just to fulfill their boredom. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Now, that is extreme. However, when we get to that point where we can't take it, instead of turning to the Lord for our need, we end up making things worse. When we come to a point where we "wave the white flag" of surrender, its not "giving up" how the world would perceive it. It is actually doing something. The motto is, "Don't just stand there, do something!" but the Lord says, "Don't just do something, stand there!" Now we must be wise on how we use those statements. I would expect if we saw a person in dire need, we would help them. However in our circumstances, like maybe someone is struggling being single, or financial issues, I wouldn't suggest just grabbing some random person off the street marrying them, or robbing a bank. However, what we do is remain faithful. Like with the single person issue, we wait on upon the Lord for that person we know we could live with or if its the financial issue, its spending less, getting a job, still remaining faithful to the Lord. However, first point of action is, surrender. Saying, "Lord, I can't do this on my own! I NEED YOU!" That is the very first initiation into "standing there". When we say those words, or words along those lines, we are "standing there". However, we have made an action..we surrendered. I really believe that is what Jesus meant when he said in Mark 8: 34-37,
       "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish, sinful ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world and lose your soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?"

If we really call ourselves Christians, lets walk the talk. Now, we are all imperfect and I'm not saying expending yourself to be perfect (like I was doing and got exhausted..yeah, i know its impossible but that's my point) but realizing that we can't do this life on our own. Its impossible. That is why we must "deny ourselves" deny our ability that we think we can do things on our own, and give it to the Lord. Matthew Henry says it perfectly in his quote,
"If you want to have life-real life, abundant life, eternal life the way it was meant to be lived-deny yourself as you take up your cross and follow Jesus. and when the Cross brings you, as it did our Savior, to your face, you will see standing next to you, standing available to you, standing ready to help you Jesus Himself."
Sounds like a relief to me. Pressures off, if you let it.

Hope in the Dry Times

We have those moments in life where the times seem so extensively hard to understand. We go through these times where its like, "What in the world is going on?" or "What is my problem? Why am I acting this way?" or "Why is this happening to me!?" We all go through these times where it seems we just can't comprehend everything that is going around us. As I have been in a season of this, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I don't know why I am so "bleh", why I'm so tired all the time, and why I just don't feel like myself. Sure, everyone around me may think, "Jess, what are you saying? You seem your giddy, funny, perky, out-going self." Yeah, but I feel like I'm forcing it out. I feel like to be my normal self, its an effort now. Like I"m putting on this front. I don't believe God expects us, as a follower of Him, to walk around with a mask on, but neither does he expect us to walk around with our heads down and a droopy face. There is a major part of being real, but there is a major victory of HOPE. Yes, HOPE! The only thing that can get us through any hard time in our life. If you are going through a similar thing like me right now, not sure where you are going, what to expect, or what the heck is going on...its ok. Satan, ourselves, and society always expects us to have this "plan". Well, our plans suck if its not planned by God. The Lord says, "A man plans his course, but its the LORD who directs his steps." I do believe God does give us dreams and desires for us to have. For example, I so deeply desire to be a wife and a mom one day. Am I that right now at 25? No. Do I have days that I"m freaking out that I"m 25 and I'm not even dating anyone?! Absolutely. However, that is just all image-nonsense. However, in the meantime, He STILL plans for me. Yeah, I understand, its hard getting out of "the funk". Believe me, I'm going through it right now. However, deep down, amongst what lies may tell me, what I may feel, and how I compare myself to others, and a crazy hectic work schedule that sometimes I may feel consumed by, I have this amazing sense of joy that can only come from the Lord. That joy is my hope to get me through this time in my life. I don't have all the answers, and I certainly am NOT perfect. I'm trying to figure out the balance of life and how the Lord so desperately wants us to live life. But that is why I can not give up on hope. Hope that only comes from Jesus. He is the reason we have hope at all. We can't let life pass us by while we sink in this hole of, "Welp, nothing is going to change..this is it for me." or "I"m a loser..straight-up loser". No! If we believe that, then we don't believe in the power of Christ and what Hope he has brought us through His death and resurrection. Now, I'm not trying to get on my soapbox, this definitely goes for me, too. But we need to encourage each other to live in this hope because it is SO easily lost when trials come. So folks, lets persevere through these hard times. All truth is God' truth and in order to seek that truth, we must KNOW His Word. This will help us shred the lies that easily entangle us. Hang in there, guys. Hope is here! And it comes in the form of a Person...Jesus!

so far my journey in Exodus....

So I have been reading through Exodus the past 2 weeks or so now and I'm at chapter 16. It was one Sunday leading worship at our youth group that I felt the Lord wanted me to read in Exodus. Had no idea why, but it kept coming to me. The Lord has been just loading me with so much He wanted to tell me! I never got so much insight before. Its like I stepped up to another level of hearing the Lord. So I would like to share a few things with you what I have been learning. It amazes me how the Lord is sovereign. In the beginning of Exodus, it talks about Moses and a bit of his background. Moses was Hebrew/Israelite. Back when he was born, the Hebrews were slaves to the Egyptians. Now, Pharaoh wanted all the first born Hebrew baby boys killed because he didn't like how many Hebrews there were. Sounds like the Holocaust to me. I mean there's a "back in the day" Hitler. Anyways, Moses mother, being the brave and trusting in the Lord woman she is, made a basket and sent Moses down the Nile river so that he may live. NOW!! This amazes me..the SOVEREIGNTY of the Lord...how in the heck did that basket not tip over or some crazy fish or animal get into it?? Or how did it not get stuck on some rock and Moses just die to death because of no food?? THE LORD!!! The Lord is in control! He has a plan!! He guided that basket right down the river into the arms of Pharaoh's daughter! NOW HOLD UP!! What?! Pharaoh's daughter? Uhh..Hello!! Her dad basically wants this kid dead! God, what are you thinking?! Again, God's sovereignty. He softens Pharaoh's daughter's heart to care for Moses. This leads to him growing up around the Egyptians to then free the Israelites! God heard the wailing of the Israelites in slavery for many years...However, He had the perfect timing, the perfect person, and the perfect way to show His power, love and majesty! Now, the Lord calls Moses when he is a bit grown-up now to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. We know a bit about the story of the burning bush (if not, DON't Fret! Just read Exodus 3 or just start reading exodus.) Moses felt he was inadequate to do a job like that because of his speech impediment and how he gets tongue-tied. I know how that is. The Lord sometimes calls me to speak in a confrontation and its scary but He gives me the words. The Lord chose Moses and Aaron to approach Pharaoh to "LET MY PEOPLE GO!" and Pharaoh, who has no fear in the Lord and has a hardened heart towards the Lord, refuses. But Moses and Aaron do not give up despite all the times they came to confront Pharaoh because they had faith the Lord had their back. They were just called to be a vessel and be obedient. The Lord took care of the rest. I can talk about so much on here and I"ll just to be more consistent with my posts, however, the Lord is always in control. So many times he is showing me that the reason things happen the way they do is, despite the fact that we do have free will and bad things happen because we live in a fallen world, He is in control. We freak out so easily when one thing seems sketchy! Like the Israelites when they escape out of Egypt and they see the Egyptians coming up behind them, they freak out. And before then when the plagues happened because Pharaoh would not release the Israelites, God protected them from all the plagues He sent to show Pharaoh that He is Lord. The Lord parted the Red Sea for them! He provided them good water when they reached Marah because the water was first bitter but then they complained, "AHH! we're going to die! We should've never left Egypt!" Ye of little faith! We believe this lie that "only good things happen once". NOT TRUE! Or.."oh its a coincidence!" NO! There is no such thing! The Lord provides, protects, leads, the ones He loves! He loves all of us, but its our choice to be obedient and listen! Just because things may seem out of whack or uncertain, if we commit our ways to the Lord, we will succeed (Proverbs 16:3)! Maybe not in our way, or our timing, but we will overcome whatever the obstacle is! When God calls us to do something, it is going to be something we cannot do. BUT! He can do it through us! God does tasks that only God can do. However, He wants us to join him in it so he uses us to accomplish His will! So when the Lord calls you to do something, don't focus on how big the task is, but how big God is and how he is going to accomplish it through you by you being obedient!

Discipline brings out Integrity

Have you ever just been so frustrated why things just don't work out? I bet you have. We all have. There are times when I'm like, "Come on, God! What the heck?! Why isn't this happening?!" or "Why is this happening!?" Its so funny how we think we know what is best for ourselves. We often think, "If only I had this...". But the truth is, that may not always be the best for us. Think about it, if I gave you a HUGE bag of M&Ms and yeah, you could eat the whole thing in one sitting and you would probably enjoy eating it. However, the side-effects wouldn't be as enjoyable. You would probably be pretty sick. Probably would be in the bathroom the rest of the night. You see, things that we think may be good for us, aren't always. "All things are permissible but not beneficial" I believe Paul talks about that somewhere in Philippians maybe? Now, I'm not saying that all our wants are bad but we just have to make sure it does not get in the way between us and the Lord. Jesus must come first in our life. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "..let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the CHAMPION, who initiates and perfects our faith." When something comes in the way between us and God, we need to throw it off. Now, me being a huge NOTRE DAME fan, (Yes, they are #1!!!), is not a bad thing. However, if I put ND in front of God by maybe thinking about ND way more than I think about God, or if I refuse to do something that God is calling me to do because ND is playing..then well, I need to recheck myself. God has made a humongous sacrifice through Jesus to call us to a life a abundance. That is the race He has set before us. Now, its not an easy life, but its a life that we may be truly fulfilled that nothing else could ever fulfill. Yes, even ND winning the championship can not compare to the life fulfilled God has given us. Though, it would be a great addition! :) With that life, comes discipline. In Hebrews continuing on in verses 5, 7 and 10 respectively, "...don't give up when He corrects you", "As you endure the divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own child", and "But God's discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in His holiness". These verses are to show us the truth of God's discipline in our lives. Its not to make our life suck. Its not to hurt us and to make life no fun. Rather it is to make life more fun and make more of a "well-rounded" life. God wants us to be free and not slaves to addictions, feeling that "I have to do this or I"ll die!!" or "Well, in order to be cool or gain respect or popularity, I have to be this way or do this." God's like, "Really?? No you don't! You're life is going to be way more freeing, way more abundant, and way more awesome when you choose to follow My path I have for you." I promise, guys, I would NEVER go back to my old ways. Yes, I trip up sometimes, but what do you do when you fall?? You get back up! God isn't like, "Oops! You messed up! Get out!" He's there to extend His hand to you, pick you up and get you back on His path for you. Don't think its too late! Its too late when you're dead, but you're not so turn it around! God loves you so much! He loved you so much He died for you so you can have this abundant life. Don't give up, guys! Keep seeking, keep knocking, keep asking, and He'll reveal Himself to you more and more and more.

Complacency

I have been trying to get up an extra half-hour earlier to spend time with the Lord. I'm really trying to discipline myself. Sometimes, its funny how when we do something for so long, we just go through the motions. We become lazy and it has no meaning. I kinda feel like that lately. I just am going through the motions. Maybe because I've been busy but the thing is BUSY is Being Under Satan's Yoke. God never intended us to "busy". At least too busy where we do not spend time with Him. The thing is, we don't understand that we don't have time NOT to spend time with Him. Its so critical in our life to spend time with Him, to know Him, to seek Him. Especially this day in age, there is so much crap going on its ridiculous. Thank God, God is gracious and merciful and most of all patient. I guess what I'm getting at is, we can't afford to be lazy and complacent. I'm not going to lie, I'm guilty of it. I was reading in John 15 this morning. Lately, I have been going through Proverbs but this morning I felt the Lord leading me to John 15. Jesus talks about how He is the vine and we are the branches. How apart from Him we can do nothing. We can't bear fruit, we can't produce fruit. We are basically dead apart from Him. Now God comes and prunes the plant. He takes off the dead branches that are not producing fruit and prunes the ones that need some shaping up. I NEVER want to be a dead branch. I always want to remain enact with the Vine.I feel like if I did not have Jesus in my life, its like my air supply is cut off..I CAN"T LIVE WITHOUT HIM! The thing is, its possible for us to become so lazy that we fall off. Paul talks about in Philippians I believe, "working out your salvation". Now, its not based off works but its about staying true to our convictions, where is our heart? When the pruning comes, this keeps us cleaned up and shaped up. Yeah, it sucks when we are getting "pruned" but the Lord talks about "disciplining because He loves us". He prunes us because He wants the best for us and does not want anything in our life that will hinder us from Him and having an abundant life. I guess as sheep, we don't understand that sometimes. All this to say, is that it is vital we seek the Lord. It is vital that we come to know Him and seek Him! When you experience the Lord, you'll never want to go back. You become free from all the things you thought were pleasurable but it was only the world and Satan deceiving you saying it was. God has so much more for you than you can imagine. He loves you and wants you to experience a relationship with Him that will change your life. Don't let laziness get in the way! Seek, Knock, Ask...you'll truly find!

Answered prayers!! God Hears us!

Do you ever have those times where it seems like God isn't listening? Maybe you have been praying for something so long and its just like, "God..what the heck?!" I know I've had those times. Especially when I want something. I sometimes don't understand why its not happening at this moment. I'm thinking, "what am I doing wrong?..Do I not hear God's voice?" Often times, the Lord uses patience to test us for endurance. Its not that God doesn't hear us, but its that He will answer it when the time comes. Now, don't get me wrong, we have to have a relationship with Jesus. It can't just be, "God give me this.." and then we go off and do our own thing. Jesus always prayed, "May YOUR will be done." That is how we ought to pray...not our will but His. So tonight, we had our family bible study. I have not been there in awhile since I moved into my apartment but in case you don't know, my mom's cousins started a bible study for our family members. The Lord told them to minister to our family and its been going on now for maybe 3 or 4 years. So tonight, we had a discussion about the rapture and giving our life to Christ before its too late. Now for 6 years I was praying for my mom. Since I became saved, I never stopped praying for my mom. I knew she wanted to know the Lord but did not want to give up on her traditions. However, tonight she said, "I want to surrender my life to the Lord." SAY WHAT?!!?? Lord, did you just answer my prayer?!? My mom wants to give her life to the Lord!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! My mom has always been my rock since I was born. She never left my side, even when I came to the Lord, she was definitely confused about it, but she never deserted me. However, tonight she now is beginning to realize what I began to realize 6 years ago. When you pray, pray with faith. Just because it does not happen now, does not mean it won't happen at all. In James 5:16 it says, "The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." When we pray, we make a difference. The Lord wants us to come to Him and make our requests known. But we have to have the attitude that He is sovereign and whatever happens it is in his control and we must trust Him. Sometimes we just want things our way at that moment, however, God knows the hearts of ALL men. He knows when is right time. You guys, I'm just so stoked on how the Lord loves! Seriously, if you do not know Him, I pray that you come to know Him. Read the scriptures! You will know Him through His word and then you will experience it for yourselves! Just like my mom did! He wrote a love letter to you, so read it before its too late! He will come!! He is coming!! He wants you to come to Him!!

The Journey of Life: Maturity

For some reason, that word, "maturity", has been coming up many times for me the past month or so. It has been subjects of conversations, sermons, as well as my time with God. Maturity is not a destination, its a journey. Its a process. Its not something we just can obtain by asking, but having to go through the process. Its kind of like when we grow physically. You aren't just going to be 6 foot right away. Its a gradual process. You first are like 19 inches long, then you move up to 2 feet, 3 feet, etc. until you hit 6 foot. Or like, me, you only reach 5 foot 3 inches :/. Yeah, that's my destination with height. Not that height determines your maturity, but it determines your character. I was having some time with God this morning and I've been pretty anxious about a couple things in my life. Even to the point, I cannot get much sleep. I was reading about "Wives" in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and it talked about wives submitting to their husbands and how wives should be having a gentle, quiet spirit and not having fear. Now, if you know me, I'm a pretty out-going, class-clown, pretty joyful person. Yet, I also know how to get serious when it needs to be. Now, I was thinking for the longest time, "OH MAN! do I have to be this quiet, introverted person!?" NO! God doesn't want you to change your personality, but what He meant is, do not be anxious. Don't be dominant and over-bearing. Just let things happen as they happen. Oh man, is that hard for me. Yet, to be honest, just within this past year or so, I have grown in that area. I have matured. God got me to a place where I could not do anything about my situations except submit to Him and pray. Now, there is something I desire so much in my life and I'm not sure why it's not happening. However, I know its worth the wait. God gave me this analogy today and I would like to share it with you. Legos are a fun, good thing. Every boy at least loves legos. Me, being a girl, I loved legos as well. I grew up with my older brother playing them and my younger brother is obsessed about them. Now, if you give a baby or a toddler legos under 5 years old, it would not be good for them. They don't know how to use legos and they might choke because they tend to put everything in their mouth. What I'm trying to get at is, legos are not a bad thing. However, you need to be at a MATURE age to use them. Same with how God hold back his blessings or gifts for awhile. They are good gifts and he gives us the desire to have them. However, its important we hit to a point of maturity where we can handle those blessings or gifts. We have to go through the growing pain of reaching maturity. And the journey of growth never stops. Even when you are 80, you are still learning. Don't think teachable moments as a bad thing, but think of it as a growth of maturity. God wants us to grow in the maturity of Christ which then will we be reaping treasures that will never be taken away from us. The more we grow in the maturity of Christ, the more we will live the abundant life He intended us to have and the essence of that is knowing Jesus! That is the biggest reward in life is knowing the Creator of the Universe. I know sometimes, I take that for granted and I get so caught up in what I'm doing, I set that time aside to know Him. I"m guilty of it. However, that is why I'm going to get off now and talk to God for awhile. I hope this encouraged you and shows you that there is Someone who care about you and loves you! Trust Him for He has great plans for you! :)